DATE NIGHT

Snooki & Jwoww: Goodbye Cankles, Hello Old Friend

By Karen Malmquist

GOODBYE, CANKLES, GOODBYE, INTIMACY! Nicole and Jionni are bickering and losing sleep in Tuesday’s new episode of Snooki & JWoww, but it’s nothing a little (or a lot) of wine won’t fix.

Elsewhere, things get heavy with Jenni and Roger when debating whether or not to visit her mother.

Jenni and her dad go out to lunch and talk about the possibility of her introducing Roger to her mom. The only problem is, she hasn’t seen her mom in almost two years, as she’s been living in an assisted living home with a mysterious medical condition. Jenni’s tried to get her to meet Roger before, but she once told her, over speaker phone with Roger in the room, that she had no intention of meeting him.

DOMESTICATION BEGINS

Snooki & JWoww: Roughing It

By Karen Malmquist

EATING BEAR BALLS, DIGGING FOR CLAMS, AND BEFRIENDING A WOLF SPIDER: some girls have all the fun.

Last week’s momentous Snooki & J-Woww ended with Nicole asking “now what?” upon taking Lorenzo home. On Thursday’s new episode, it’s time for the “now what?”

Jionni forgets the box of formula the hospital provided for them, so things are off to a great start.

Up in Maine, after Jenni has gotten her eyelashes on, she and Roger head out for some fishing by his family’s nearby lake house. Surely the fish will appreciate the effort she’s put in to look good for them.

Nicole’s feeding Lorenzo, and as he’s sucking on some formula, he poops on Nicole’s leg. Looks like he needs to be changed. She and Jionni try to change his diaper, but it turns out they’ve got it on backwards.

ARE WE THERE YET?

Snooki & J-Woww: Last Call At Club Uterus

By Karen Malmquist

LORENZO, WHY SO STUBBORN? On Tuesday’s Snooki & J-Woww, Nicole is nearing “D” day, but the baby is giving her hell on the way out.

Nicole is experiencing the worst pain of her life, crying and saying she’s over being pregnant. Jionni comforts her and says that she’ll feel better soon.

Meanwhile, Jenni and Roger throw a barbecue, and while they’re quietly sitting on the deck together, her dad goes into Uncle Nino mode. Roger gives him some swim trunks, so he hops into the hot tub with the bikini-clad Renee. Although she’s laughing, Jenni says that he’s turning into Vinny’s infamous uncle, to which he says, “I don’t have a cane. I have another kind of wood!” What a class act.

BROACHING NEW WATERS

Snooki & J-Woww: Rocks & A Rockem Sockem Baby

By Karen Malmquist

OH BABY! LORENZO IS FIST PUMPING A little too hard inside of Nicole on Tuesday’s episode of “Snooki & J-Woww”. Nicole is on the verge of an emotional collapse as she enters her third trimester, but it doesn’t stop her from giving Jenni a reality check about her out-of-this-world engagement ring demands.

So last week, Nicole got a call from Jionni, letting her know that he is in the hospital. She’s worried, saying she’s going to go see him, but his mom Janice advises her to rest and put her feet up and that he’ll be fine. Nicole leaves for the hospital anyway, because she is way too worried about him.

LATE BLOOMER

Jersey Shore Recap: Drunk Deena Keeps Walking The Line

By Karen Malmquist

NOW THAT DEENA’S SOBERED UP AFTER HER ARREST, it’s time for round two on Thursday’s Jersey Shore, this time with more hysterical crying.

Nicole almost sets her house on fire, Ronnie learns a little too much about Deena’s sex life, and Vinny and Pauly finally have the romantic photo shoot they’ve been dreaming of. But first…

FROM MEATBALLS TO PEPPERONI

Jersey Shore Recap: ‘Officially’ Freaked Out

By Karen Malmquist

ONLY DEENA CORTESE COULD TURN DANCING INTO A CRIME. Take notes, terrible Footloose remake! This is how you break the law by busting an uncoordinated move.

On Thursday’s Jersey Shore, in a drunken frenzy the meatball throws herself a parade in the streets of Seaside Heights, and the police are surprisingly not okay with this.

Deena’s cuffed and thrown into what Ron calls affectionately “The Drunk Tank,” and Sam is shaken and crying. Ron awkwardly asks, “Sooo… Can we keep drinking now?”

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

Jersey Shore: They Lost Their Poor Meatball

By Karen Malmquist

AMERICA HANGS ITS COLLECTIVE HEAD THIS MORNING, WONDERING IF WE’RE RIGHT FOR LAUGHING At Deena Cortese as she cried and danced her way to jail on Thursday’s Jersey Shore. We watch her world unraval and her big bouncy ball deflate, along with her sobriety.

MEATBALL PROBLEMS

Jersey Shore Recap: Prelude To Epic

By Karen Malmquist

“MEATBALL PROBLEMS” WAS redefined Thursday when Deena got drunk, Pauly’s friends started “the biggest fight of their lives,” Nicole fretted over her nipples, and a random girl wanders into the house.

To avoid the crazy that could affect her pregnancy, Nicole decides to get her own place nearby. Jenni and Pauly help Nicole move in to her new shore house, which she’s calling “the pregnancy house.” Ronnie stops by to make sure she has room for a TV. Nicole looks at Ron like he’s crazy, but seriously, where is she gonna put her TV?

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

Jersey Shore: The Longest Goodbye

By Karen Malmquist

“I JUST DON’T WANT A LOT OF DRAMA, LIKE LAST TIME,” SAYS Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, who seems to say this every time a new season of Jersey Shore begins, as if she’s unaware of what show she’s on and that her life has become The Truman Show. Well, if the dramatics are what put the gang and Seaside Heights, NJ on the map, why stop now? Judging by the fact that one of the roommates starts crying when another asks about furniture, this is season is going to be one hot mess of an emotional roller coaster.

BOARDWALK MEMORIES

The End Of A Cultural Phenomenon: The Jersey Shore Wraps

By Karen Malmquist

IT’S THE END OF AN ERA,THE CLOSING OF AN EPIC CHAPTER IN America’s pop culture history: Jersey Shore is ending. The upcoming season will be the reality show’s sixth and final season.

Let’s all bow our heads in silence.