THE HONEYMOONERS

Snooki & JWoww: Meatball Rules For Snuggling

By Karen Malmquist

SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY THAT Nicole WAS flashing her cootchie and and fighting with Jionni in the streets of Italy. Nowadays, instead of screaming and punching empty cop cars, they’re stealing parking spots and lying about burping.

On Tuesday’s Snooki & JWoww, the Brangelina of reality television has certainly grown up.

It’s a bit of a Jersey Shore reunion as former roommates drop by to feast their eyes on the wee guido. Deena is the first to visit Lorenzo, and she comes baring gifts: giant Slim Jims for Nicole! Maybe they’re normal-sized, but they appear to be three quarters of Snooki’s height and she couldn’t be happier.

DOMESTICATION BEGINS

Snooki & JWoww: Roughing It

By Karen Malmquist

EATING BEAR BALLS, DIGGING FOR CLAMS, AND BEFRIENDING A WOLF SPIDER: some girls have all the fun.

Last week’s momentous Snooki & J-Woww ended with Nicole asking “now what?” upon taking Lorenzo home. On Thursday’s new episode, it’s time for the “now what?”

Jionni forgets the box of formula the hospital provided for them, so things are off to a great start.

Up in Maine, after Jenni has gotten her eyelashes on, she and Roger head out for some fishing by his family’s nearby lake house. Surely the fish will appreciate the effort she’s put in to look good for them.

Nicole’s feeding Lorenzo, and as he’s sucking on some formula, he poops on Nicole’s leg. Looks like he needs to be changed. She and Jionni try to change his diaper, but it turns out they’ve got it on backwards.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Snooki & JWoww: Arriving Screaming & Kicking

By Karen Malmquist

THE MOST IMPORTANT BIRTH OF THE COMMON ERA IS HAPPENING: baby Lorenzo is arriving on Snooki & J-Woww! We’re picking up where we left off last week, with Nicole scared and in tears as she enters the final stage of labor. Her giant Miss Piggy eyelashes flutter in frenzy as she realizes that this child will not be born the same shade of orange as his parents.

Oh god, here come the tears. Nicole is almost done pushing, and everyone is in the waiting room with their ear to the door, sobbing as they hear Lorenzo enter the world.

BROACHING NEW WATERS

Snooki & J-Woww: Rocks & A Rockem Sockem Baby

By Karen Malmquist

OH BABY! LORENZO IS FIST PUMPING A little too hard inside of Nicole on Tuesday’s episode of “Snooki & J-Woww”. Nicole is on the verge of an emotional collapse as she enters her third trimester, but it doesn’t stop her from giving Jenni a reality check about her out-of-this-world engagement ring demands.

So last week, Nicole got a call from Jionni, letting her know that he is in the hospital. She’s worried, saying she’s going to go see him, but his mom Janice advises her to rest and put her feet up and that he’ll be fine. Nicole leaves for the hospital anyway, because she is way too worried about him.

THE END OF AN ERA

Jersey Shore Finale: Overly-Attached Guidos

By Karen Malmquist

BEFORE THE APOCALYPSE BEFALLS US, BEFORE FIRE SPILLS FROM THE SKY and the Earth’s crust splits open, let’s take a moment to reflect on the final episode of Jersey Shore. Of course, it can’t be too sappy. There are unmentionables making their way into the roommates’ mouths, and we experience yet another horrific moment in Nicole’s life. But dammit if this isn’t one of the saddest finales in television history.

MAGIC MIKE & THE WANNABE MEATBALLS

Jersey Shore: A Recipe To Shake It

By Karen Malmquist

AMERICA’S STRIPPER OBSESSION CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT Thursday when the Jersey Shore‘s ‘The Situation’ turned out to be a not-so- “Magic” Mike. It’s nice to see that he’s bonded so well with the roommates this season, but if he wanted them to take him seriously again, maybe trying to relive his stripper days wasn’t such a great idea.

NO HARD FEELINGS

Jersey Shore Recap: Waking Ghosts In The Machines

By Karen Malmquist

AS THE END APPROACHES FOR OUR FAVORITE HOT MESSES, the Jersey Shore gang to put their differences aside and hug it out like a couple of reunited drunk college girls at a party.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

Jersey Shore Recap: The Worst Break-Up Movie Ever

By Karen Malmquist

GYM, TAN, BREAK UP WITH PAULA? Well, this was a short romance, with embarrassment rivaling having your mom chaperone prom night, but Mike and Paula’s bust-up was bound to happen. When both parts of a couple don’t have proper social skills or etiquette, things are going to fall apart quickly.

LATE BLOOMER

Jersey Shore Recap: Drunk Deena Keeps Walking The Line

By Karen Malmquist

NOW THAT DEENA’S SOBERED UP AFTER HER ARREST, it’s time for round two on Thursday’s Jersey Shore, this time with more hysterical crying.

Nicole almost sets her house on fire, Ronnie learns a little too much about Deena’s sex life, and Vinny and Pauly finally have the romantic photo shoot they’ve been dreaming of. But first…

MEATBALL PROBLEMS

Jersey Shore Recap: Prelude To Epic

By Karen Malmquist

“MEATBALL PROBLEMS” WAS redefined Thursday when Deena got drunk, Pauly’s friends started “the biggest fight of their lives,” Nicole fretted over her nipples, and a random girl wanders into the house.

To avoid the crazy that could affect her pregnancy, Nicole decides to get her own place nearby. Jenni and Pauly help Nicole move in to her new shore house, which she’s calling “the pregnancy house.” Ronnie stops by to make sure she has room for a TV. Nicole looks at Ron like he’s crazy, but seriously, where is she gonna put her TV?