THAT’S WHACK

Lindsay Lohan Lives!, An Electrifying Bra & Hermes’ $91K Tee

By Miz J

SHE AIN’T DEAD YET! Even if she looks a little plasticized.

Lindsay Lohan appeared on Letterman last night to promote Scary Movie 5 (the one with fellow Hollywood tornado Charlie Sheen), and worked that magic that makes everyone fall in love with her—namely, her self-deprecating sense of humor. She was surprisingly funny, and glimpses of that wicked comedic timing from Mean Girls was shining through.

Letterman, ever the cantankerous, disappointed father figure, spoke frankly to the troubled starlet about her upcoming rehab stay, making her cry. And then the veteran talk show host worked his own brand of magic, where he followed up tough love with kind words.

USUAL TALES OF WOE

Credit: TMZ/SplashOnline

Lindsay Lohan’s Too Sick To Fly But Not Shop?

By Jacob Wittich

LINDSAY LOHAN WAS SUPPOSED TO APPEAR IN COURT WEDNESDAY for a probation hearing, but her new lawyer Mark Heller reportedly told the Los Angeles County judge the troubled tart is too sick to fly out to Los Angeles.

Heller presented the judge with a note from a doctor stating that Lindsay has an upper respiratory infection and shouldn’t be flying for the safety of herself and the safety of the public, reports. His evidence? A New York Post article on the city’s influenza outbreak.

SNACKIN’ ON NEWSBITS

Whack Wednesday: More Mad Men, Less LiLo & Heaping Helpings Of Dungeons & Dragons

By Miz J

YOU GUYS. Mad Men is almost back. HOLY SHIT CONTAIN YOURSELVES, THOUGH, cause it’s not coming back until frigging APRIL. And this time, just like all the other times, Weiner is skipping ahead a few years.

The last time we saw this motley crew, the year was 1967 – and while some speculate on what Dapper Don would look like in not-so-dapper leisure suits, we’re wondering about the next time we see Joan — will her signature swagger be replaced with a more awkward fidget as she navigates the office in itchy, clingy polyester? If you think it won’t happen, ask your grandmother about the dress she wore to your mom’s graduation -and brace yourself for a level-8 eyeroll.

GOSSIP TODAY

Credit: NBC

Love Celebrity Style: Robsten’s Twilight, J Lo’s Good Will & LiLo’s Good …Company?

By Elizabeth C.

THANK GOD FOR THE FIRST AMENDMENT, which, among other things allows us to fill our own tediously boring lives with wild speculation about celebrities’ love lives. And just in case you’re really feeling empty, we’ve got scads of deliriously good gossip to pass on.

For starters, sniff sniff, the London Sun is reporting that the sun is setting on Twilight lovers Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

HOOKING UP

LiLo Gets Cozy With The Wanted’s Max George

By Jacob Wittich

LINDSAY IS TAKING HER ALCOHOL-INDUCED ANTICS ON THE ROAD, following The Wanted’s Max George along the East Coast for Justin Bieber’s Believe tour.

Rumors of a romance between the two began circulating after Lohan’s recent bar fight with a fortuneteller which led to her most recent arrest on Nov. 29.

SMACKING THE MESSENGER

Lindsay Lohan’s Future: Hazy With A Chance Of Rehab

By Elizabeth C.

SUDDENLY, LINDSAY LOHAN’S LATEST SKIRMISH REACHES THE LEVEL OF INTERESTING, thanks entirely to the revelation that her latest victim is a fortune teller who specializes in “tarot, palm and psychic energy readings.” Apparently foreseeing wallops isn’t part of her raison d’etre.

GET HELP GIRL

Credit: SplashNewsOnline

Lindsay Lohan: An Oozing Sore On Our Collective Conscience

LIINDSAY LOHAN IS LIKE THE SYPHILITIC GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING, with today’s poisonous exposure another arrest, this time for hitting a New York City clubgoer in the face.

SPEECHLESS

Lindsay Lohan On Jimmy Fallon: The Ideal LiLo

By Elizabeth C.

ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT LINDSAY LOHAN?????

Sigh. We’re still talking about Lindsay Lohan. Thankfully, in her latest stunt — this one not involving a police investigation or car crash — LiLo herself doesn’t utter a word.

MEET THE NEW WENDY; SAME AS THE OLD WENDY

Wendy’s Unveils New Logo; Still Looks Like Prince Harry In Drag

By Elizabeth C.

BURGER CHAIN WENDY’S unveils a new logo today depicting what they say is a modernized version of their mascot. But the ginger-haired girl still looks like a poor man’s Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, or maybe even Prince Harry in drag. (Even as a tween, a red-headed Lindsay Lohan never looked this wide-eyed.)

TRUE TO LIFETIME

Here’s The First Trailer For Lindsay Lohan’s Liz & Dick

By Elizabeth C.

ONCE UPON A TIME, LINDSAY LOHAN WAS A GIFTED CHILD STAR ABLE TO CONVINCINGLY LOSE HERSELF IN THE CHARACTER. Sadly, the little girl who could has morphed into a duck-lipped starlet all too aware of her public persona and whose actual life has turned into a cheesy Lifetime movie.

Exhibit A: the new trailer for her upcoming Elizabeth Taylor-Richard Taylor romance biopic.