TRUE NORTH? DON’T BET ON IT

Kimye’s Baby Looks Something Like This

ADMIT IT: AREN’T YOU EXCITED FOR THAT FIRST PEEK AT BABY KIMYE’S CHUBBY CHEEKS? To hear that first declaration that Nori has his eyes and her nose and — oh, gawd, Bey and Jay are going to be so jealous?

I thought so. So TADA! here she is — not? TMZ claims the above snap is being shopped around for “A LOT OF $$$$” by a friend of Kim Kardashian who claims it’s a photo of the reality star’s baby with Kanye West.

But hold your horses, folks, ’cause the online tabloid claims the photo is a “FRAUD!”

THE ‘NORTH’ STAR

Oh, Gawd, They Didn’t: Kanye & Kim Name Baby ‘North West’

By Elizabeth Coady

OH, GOD, TELL US YOU DIDN’T DO IT, KANYE & KIMMIE.

TMZ and People are claiming that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian actually did name their newborn daughter North. Meaning her given name is ‘North West.’ No middle name. No Donda in honor of Ye’s deceased mother. No K as in Kitten, which I was rooting for, or Kaidence as reported earlier.

US reports that the couple have already adopted Nori as her nickname.

The baby Gemini was born Saturday five weeks prematurely at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.

SUGAR AND SUGAR

Kim’s Having A Girl & Guessing Game Turns To Baby’s Name

THE CAT’S OUT OF THE BAG, AND KIM KARDASHIAN IS GIFTING THE WORLD A BABY WITH A VAGINA. Hearty congrats all around!

There’s obvious benefits to Kimye having a girl. There’s the encyclopedic tips on makeup and hair she’ll be privy to from her well-coiffed aunties. She’ll learn first-hand the material gratification that pretty girls can score through proper eyelash batting. And, as a female Kardashian, she’ll not be required to play basketball or music or other people, as do the current crop of the Kardashian lesser halves. All she’ll have to do is look pretty.

On the down side? All she’ll have to do is look pretty. Plastic surgery is inevitable. And the competition between Kim and Beyoncé will now extend beyond booties, bank accounts and baby daddies. Won’t be long before tabloids are comparing Blue Ivy to the little ‘K’ Kardashian.

WHO’S THE JACKASS?

WireImage

Does Kanye Deserve Ridicule — Or Are We Being Too Hard On Him?

By Jacob Wittich

I‘M NOT TROLLING YOU WHEN I SAY I really didn’t hear anything too upsetting in Kanye’s most recent tirade. Or maybe I’ve gone just as crazy as him, hahaha.

During a surprise performance at Adult Swim’s Upfront event, Kanye West went on a rant reminiscent of when he bashed Jay-Z’s collaboration with Justin Timberlake on Suit & Tie.

“I ain’t no motherfu**ing celebrity,” he complained.

THAT’S WHACK

Credit: Zillow, Time,Jezebel

Kimye’s Housing Crisis, Lauer’s Torture & A “Cunt Odyssey”

By Miz J

KIMYE HAS A BIG PROBLEM with a little crib.

Specifically, the new Bel Air manse Kim and Kanye bought back in February, which is totally gutted at the moment. Since they’ve sold their separate houses—Kanye’s Hollywood Hills bachelor pad went for $3.3 million and Kim’s Beverly Hills place for $5 mil—they don’t have to go home, but they can’t stay there.

Now, tongues are wagging about Kimye being “homeless,” to which we say “bitch, please.”

LOVE CELEBRITY STYLE

Kim Kardashian Gets Her Divorce Wish; Officially Unwed Mother-To-Be

By Kyra Senese

THE DIVORCE BATTLE LASTED SEVEN TIMES LONGER THAN THE MARRIAGE, BUT Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are finally legally kaput.

A Los Angeles judge confirmed Friday that Kimmie and super-estranged ex Kris Humphries have agreed on terms to settle their divorce. But TMZ reports that Humphries got ZIP and RadarOnline claims the b-baller settled because he was about to be force-fed “a sh*t sandwich and chose to settle.”

MAKING ROOM

Hip-Hop Stars Increasingly Vocal About Supporting Gay Rights

By Jacob Wittich

WHILE THE SUPREME COURT WEIGHS THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE In a case that could potentially grant same-sex marriage to US citizens, hip-hop also faces a revolution when it comes to the topic of same-sex relations.

The latest to chime in on this movement is rapper A$AP Rocky, who — despite hip-hop’s history of homophobia — expressed support for the gay community in a recent interview with designer Alexander Wang for Interview.

“It’s 2013, and it’s a shame that, to this day, that topic still gets people all excited,” A$AP said. “It’s crazy. And it makes me upset that this topic even matters when it comes to hip-hop, because it makes it seem like everybody in hip-hop is small-minded or stupid — and that’s not the case. We’ve got people like Jay-Z. We’ve got people like Kanye. We’ve got people like me. We’re all prime examples of people who don’t think like that.”

SNAP!

It’s L’Officiel: Kim & Kanye Get Steamy For The Cameras

By Elizabeth C.

OH LA LA! Here’s Kim and Kanye feigning getting sweaty for the cover of the French men’s magazine L’Officiel Hommes. Or maybe they’re actually doing the dirty. Or maybe they got aroused while pretending for the cameras. Yep, that’s it. They got orgasmic because of the cameras.

We gotta come up with another phrase for “fame whores” because Kimye is turning it into a cliche. Headline harlots? Click trollops? Neither quite has the ring as fame ho. How about whores for cash? Because the truth is every time they flash some flesh these two laugh all the way to their Swiss bank accounts. Baby Kimye will be well provided for. No hand-me-downs for Kitten!! That’s the name I’ve anointed her until Kimye announces the real “K” name.

APPRECIATES THE ‘FEMININE FORM’

Kanye’s Ex-Beau Says Kim Kardashian Fits His ‘Brand’

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S ALWAYS INTRIGUING HEARING INSIGHTS FROM PAST LOVERS, AND double down on that truism when it comes to celebrities. Now, Brooke Crittendon, West’s former girlfriend of two and a half years, is sharing her thoughts on Weezy’s new lady love, Kim Kardashian.

“For Kanye, what other person besides Kim Kardashian is there?,” Crittendon, 31, tells Britain’s Sun newspaper. “There’s Halle Berry, J-Lo and Beyonce but they are all taken. She fits into his brand.

“Part of being untouchable is having what other people want. It’s about saying, ‘Everybody wants her and she wants me.’ That makes sense in Kanye’s world.”

LOVE SHACK OF ILL REPUTE

KimYe Shacking Up In Bel Air, Buys $11 Million Estate

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S TUESDAY, SO LET’S CHECK IN AT KARDASHIANA. (Same goes for Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.)

Today’s headline is Kim and her baby daddy Kanye West will soon be shacking up in an $11 million mansion they’ve snapped up in a swanky gated Bel Air neighborhood.