THE HONEYMOONERS

Snooki & JWoww: Meatball Rules For Snuggling

By Karen Malmquist

SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY THAT Nicole WAS flashing her cootchie and and fighting with Jionni in the streets of Italy. Nowadays, instead of screaming and punching empty cop cars, they’re stealing parking spots and lying about burping.

On Tuesday’s Snooki & JWoww, the Brangelina of reality television has certainly grown up.

It’s a bit of a Jersey Shore reunion as former roommates drop by to feast their eyes on the wee guido. Deena is the first to visit Lorenzo, and she comes baring gifts: giant Slim Jims for Nicole! Maybe they’re normal-sized, but they appear to be three quarters of Snooki’s height and she couldn’t be happier.

SNIFF SNIFF

The Day Debauchery Died: Mourning Jersey Shore

By Karen Malmquist

WE’VE HAD A FULL DAY OF HEALING AND YET THE WOUNDS REMAIN RAW AS WE recover from one of the most devastating events in television history: the death of Jersey Shore.

MAGIC MIKE & THE WANNABE MEATBALLS

Jersey Shore: A Recipe To Shake It

By Karen Malmquist

AMERICA’S STRIPPER OBSESSION CAME TO A SCREECHING HALT Thursday when the Jersey Shore‘s ‘The Situation’ turned out to be a not-so- “Magic” Mike. It’s nice to see that he’s bonded so well with the roommates this season, but if he wanted them to take him seriously again, maybe trying to relive his stripper days wasn’t such a great idea.

NO HARD FEELINGS

Jersey Shore Recap: Waking Ghosts In The Machines

By Karen Malmquist

AS THE END APPROACHES FOR OUR FAVORITE HOT MESSES, the Jersey Shore gang to put their differences aside and hug it out like a couple of reunited drunk college girls at a party.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

Jersey Shore Recap: The Worst Break-Up Movie Ever

By Karen Malmquist

GYM, TAN, BREAK UP WITH PAULA? Well, this was a short romance, with embarrassment rivaling having your mom chaperone prom night, but Mike and Paula’s bust-up was bound to happen. When both parts of a couple don’t have proper social skills or etiquette, things are going to fall apart quickly.

SNEAKY DICKENS

Jersey Shore: Padding The Ugly Truth

By Karen Malmquist

JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT THE SITUATION COULDN’T BE MORE SQUEAMISH ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP with human hot air balloon Paula, the gang discovers she’s got a secret hiding in her pants. Yep, just a typical night in Seaside Heights (RIP Seaside Heights) on Thursday’s Jersey Shore!

Deena is still a rolling meatball of emotion, crying that she needs to go home. It’s possible that she hasn’t been fully sober for the past three days, so what she really needs is to take it down a notch.

LATE BLOOMER

Jersey Shore Recap: Drunk Deena Keeps Walking The Line

By Karen Malmquist

NOW THAT DEENA’S SOBERED UP AFTER HER ARREST, it’s time for round two on Thursday’s Jersey Shore, this time with more hysterical crying.

Nicole almost sets her house on fire, Ronnie learns a little too much about Deena’s sex life, and Vinny and Pauly finally have the romantic photo shoot they’ve been dreaming of. But first…

SANDY SURVIVOR

It’s A Miracle Of — Antiobiotics? Jersey Shore‘s Seaside House Unscathed By Sandy

By Karen Malmquist

NOT SINCE NOAH’S ART HAS THE THE WORLD read such harrowing taleS of impending doom. Yet while Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc up and down the Northeast, the devastation really hit Seaside Heights, New Jersey. But not to worry: no juice heads or gorillas’ blowouts were harmed in the storm. At least, no famous ones.

FROM MEATBALLS TO PEPPERONI

Jersey Shore Recap: ‘Officially’ Freaked Out

By Karen Malmquist

ONLY DEENA CORTESE COULD TURN DANCING INTO A CRIME. Take notes, terrible Footloose remake! This is how you break the law by busting an uncoordinated move.

On Thursday’s Jersey Shore, in a drunken frenzy the meatball throws herself a parade in the streets of Seaside Heights, and the police are surprisingly not okay with this.

Deena’s cuffed and thrown into what Ron calls affectionately “The Drunk Tank,” and Sam is shaken and crying. Ron awkwardly asks, “Sooo… Can we keep drinking now?”

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

Jersey Shore: They Lost Their Poor Meatball

By Karen Malmquist

AMERICA HANGS ITS COLLECTIVE HEAD THIS MORNING, WONDERING IF WE’RE RIGHT FOR LAUGHING At Deena Cortese as she cried and danced her way to jail on Thursday’s Jersey Shore. We watch her world unraval and her big bouncy ball deflate, along with her sobriety.