DATE NIGHT

Snooki & Jwoww: Goodbye Cankles, Hello Old Friend

By Karen Malmquist

GOODBYE, CANKLES, GOODBYE, INTIMACY! Nicole and Jionni are bickering and losing sleep in Tuesday’s new episode of Snooki & JWoww, but it’s nothing a little (or a lot) of wine won’t fix.

Elsewhere, things get heavy with Jenni and Roger when debating whether or not to visit her mother.

Jenni and her dad go out to lunch and talk about the possibility of her introducing Roger to her mom. The only problem is, she hasn’t seen her mom in almost two years, as she’s been living in an assisted living home with a mysterious medical condition. Jenni’s tried to get her to meet Roger before, but she once told her, over speaker phone with Roger in the room, that she had no intention of meeting him.

THE HONEYMOONERS

Snooki & JWoww: Meatball Rules For Snuggling

By Karen Malmquist

SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY THAT Nicole WAS flashing her cootchie and and fighting with Jionni in the streets of Italy. Nowadays, instead of screaming and punching empty cop cars, they’re stealing parking spots and lying about burping.

On Tuesday’s Snooki & JWoww, the Brangelina of reality television has certainly grown up.

It’s a bit of a Jersey Shore reunion as former roommates drop by to feast their eyes on the wee guido. Deena is the first to visit Lorenzo, and she comes baring gifts: giant Slim Jims for Nicole! Maybe they’re normal-sized, but they appear to be three quarters of Snooki’s height and she couldn’t be happier.

DOMESTICATION BEGINS

Snooki & JWoww: Roughing It

By Karen Malmquist

EATING BEAR BALLS, DIGGING FOR CLAMS, AND BEFRIENDING A WOLF SPIDER: some girls have all the fun.

Last week’s momentous Snooki & J-Woww ended with Nicole asking “now what?” upon taking Lorenzo home. On Thursday’s new episode, it’s time for the “now what?”

Jionni forgets the box of formula the hospital provided for them, so things are off to a great start.

Up in Maine, after Jenni has gotten her eyelashes on, she and Roger head out for some fishing by his family’s nearby lake house. Surely the fish will appreciate the effort she’s put in to look good for them.

Nicole’s feeding Lorenzo, and as he’s sucking on some formula, he poops on Nicole’s leg. Looks like he needs to be changed. She and Jionni try to change his diaper, but it turns out they’ve got it on backwards.

ARE WE THERE YET?

Snooki & J-Woww: Last Call At Club Uterus

By Karen Malmquist

LORENZO, WHY SO STUBBORN? On Tuesday’s Snooki & J-Woww, Nicole is nearing “D” day, but the baby is giving her hell on the way out.

Nicole is experiencing the worst pain of her life, crying and saying she’s over being pregnant. Jionni comforts her and says that she’ll feel better soon.

Meanwhile, Jenni and Roger throw a barbecue, and while they’re quietly sitting on the deck together, her dad goes into Uncle Nino mode. Roger gives him some swim trunks, so he hops into the hot tub with the bikini-clad Renee. Although she’s laughing, Jenni says that he’s turning into Vinny’s infamous uncle, to which he says, “I don’t have a cane. I have another kind of wood!” What a class act.

BROACHING NEW WATERS

Snooki & J-Woww: Rocks & A Rockem Sockem Baby

By Karen Malmquist

OH BABY! LORENZO IS FIST PUMPING A little too hard inside of Nicole on Tuesday’s episode of “Snooki & J-Woww”. Nicole is on the verge of an emotional collapse as she enters her third trimester, but it doesn’t stop her from giving Jenni a reality check about her out-of-this-world engagement ring demands.

So last week, Nicole got a call from Jionni, letting her know that he is in the hospital. She’s worried, saying she’s going to go see him, but his mom Janice advises her to rest and put her feet up and that he’ll be fine. Nicole leaves for the hospital anyway, because she is way too worried about him.

SNIFF SNIFF

The Day Debauchery Died: Mourning Jersey Shore

By Karen Malmquist

WE’VE HAD A FULL DAY OF HEALING AND YET THE WOUNDS REMAIN RAW AS WE recover from one of the most devastating events in television history: the death of Jersey Shore.

THE END OF AN ERA

Jersey Shore Finale: Overly-Attached Guidos

By Karen Malmquist

BEFORE THE APOCALYPSE BEFALLS US, BEFORE FIRE SPILLS FROM THE SKY and the Earth’s crust splits open, let’s take a moment to reflect on the final episode of Jersey Shore. Of course, it can’t be too sappy. There are unmentionables making their way into the roommates’ mouths, and we experience yet another horrific moment in Nicole’s life. But dammit if this isn’t one of the saddest finales in television history.

NO HARD FEELINGS

Jersey Shore Recap: Waking Ghosts In The Machines

By Karen Malmquist

AS THE END APPROACHES FOR OUR FAVORITE HOT MESSES, the Jersey Shore gang to put their differences aside and hug it out like a couple of reunited drunk college girls at a party.

LATE BLOOMER

Jersey Shore Recap: Drunk Deena Keeps Walking The Line

By Karen Malmquist

NOW THAT DEENA’S SOBERED UP AFTER HER ARREST, it’s time for round two on Thursday’s Jersey Shore, this time with more hysterical crying.

Nicole almost sets her house on fire, Ronnie learns a little too much about Deena’s sex life, and Vinny and Pauly finally have the romantic photo shoot they’ve been dreaming of. But first…

FROM MEATBALLS TO PEPPERONI

Jersey Shore Recap: ‘Officially’ Freaked Out

By Karen Malmquist

ONLY DEENA CORTESE COULD TURN DANCING INTO A CRIME. Take notes, terrible Footloose remake! This is how you break the law by busting an uncoordinated move.

On Thursday’s Jersey Shore, in a drunken frenzy the meatball throws herself a parade in the streets of Seaside Heights, and the police are surprisingly not okay with this.

Deena’s cuffed and thrown into what Ron calls affectionately “The Drunk Tank,” and Sam is shaken and crying. Ron awkwardly asks, “Sooo… Can we keep drinking now?”