THEIR PRIVATE LOVE CANAL

Chris Brown & Rihanna Are Throwing Oblique Shade At Each Other

TOXIC LOVERS RIHANNA AND CHRIS BROWN are having trouble containing their poisonous feelings for each other. The two pop stars, who renewed their controversial love four years after he assaulted her have been throwing opague vective over what the Daily Mail speculates is contempt over cheating.

Riri got the ball rolling when she posted an oblique message on Instagram Friday saying, “If I drop all my hoes for you and we still don’t work out you owe me some hoes.”

DREAMS DO CUM TRUE

Baywatch Babe A Wet Dream For Ryan Lochte?

By Alex Stedman

AN OLYMPIC SWIMMER + A FORMER BAYWATCH BABE = a match made in Hollywood heaven?

That may be the case, as Olympian Ryan Lochte was seen out with Carmen Electra at Bootsy Bellows Tuesday night, and according to eyewitnesses, the two were pretty cozy. And it’s not so surprising, seeing how last summer, Lochte said Electra was his first crush.

Lochte’s Twitter, usually an A+ source for those looking for intellectual insight, also linked to a photo of the two on Instagram.

“Me and the beautiful @carmenelectra my biggest crush since childhood,” Lochte tooted. “Finally meeting her. #jeah.”

BAD DAY

Justin Bieber’s Bi-Polar 24 Hours: Faints At Concert, Recovers On Joplin, Curses Out Paparazzo

By Jacob Wittich

JUSTIN BIEBER IS RECOVERING AFTER COLLAPSING BACKSTAGE at his Thursday concert at London’s O2 arena.

“Getting better,” Bieber later posted on Twitter. “Thanks for everyone pulling me thru tonight. Best fans in the world. Figuring out what happened. Thanks for the love.” He also generously shared a photo on Instagram of him reclining in the hospital bed with the note: “Gettin better listening to Janice [sic] Joplin.”

TMZ reported that Bieber felt woozy during his set and collapsed backstage, where he was treated with oxygen.

EASY TARGET

Kim Kardashian Prefers Her Pistol With Bijan Jewels

WHEN THE INEVITABLE FALLOUT BETWEEN KANYE AND KIM KARDASHIAN KOMES, and one of them konsiders killing the other, rest assured that the krime will be kontemplated with a beautiful handgun.

Nothing short of a spectacular designer weapon would do for these fame hos. And how do we know? Because Kim, that most famous supplicant of celebrity, posted a jewel-encrusted pistol by the House of Bijan to her Instagram over the weekend. And not everyone was impressed.

EXPECT A SCORE

Credit: Instagram

Odds On Favorite To Win Super Bowl 2013: Beyonce

By Jacob Wittich

FOOTBALL FANS ACROSS AMERICA ARE READYING FOR the Baltimore Ravens to face off against the San Francisco 49ers in Super Bowl XLVII. But I’m calling it now: Beyonce will be the big winner of tomorrow’s game.

For the past two weeks Beyonce has been sharing peeks into her perfectionist rehearsals in photos posted on Instagram and elsewhere. The R&B star’s setlist was also leaked last week, and fans hypothesize the choreography in one photo is very similar to the hip-thrusting Single Ladies dance.

EMOTIONAL FALLOUT?

Justin Moons While Selena Cries Herself A River

By Jacob Wittich

WEEKS AFTER JELENA BROKE UP, SELENA GOMEZ AND JUSTIN BIEBER are still showing signs of adjusting to their newfound solo statuses.

Bieber, 18, has gotten caught up in couple controversies, including his recent mooning on Instagram and the published snaps of him smoking marijuana.

In the meantime, Selena was interviwed tipsy at the Golden Globes, has been busy promoting her racy new movie, Spring Breakers and now, is channeling her emotions through music.

HOW DARE YOU IGNORE HER

Credit: Instagram

Kim Kardashian Takes Revenge On Pap Asleep On The Job

By Elizabeth C.

HA HA, KIM KARDASHIAN MADE A FUNNY. The reality star famous for her award-winning sex tape (The award is ‘biggest payload’) posted a photo on Instagram showing a shutterbug snoozing on a beach when he could have been taking pictures of Kimmie in a bikini.

PLAYERS WANNA PLAY

Rihanna’s Hump-A-Dinking Chris Brown On Instagram

By Jacob Wittich

IT AIN’T NOBODY’S BUSINESS? RIIIIIGHT. Although Rihanna and Chris Brown continue to deny that the two have rekindled their romance, Rih Rih’s latest Instagram pic says otherwise.

” “@f—yopictures i don’t wanna leave!!! Killed it tonight baby!!!”, Rihanna writes after posting a photo of her hump-a-dinking Brown’s back following one of his Carpe Diem shows in Germany.

FALL IN LOVE

David Cross & Amber Tamblyn Gloriously “Fall” Into Marriage

By Elizabeth C.

LONGTIME LOVEBIRDS ACTRESS AMBER TAMBLYN AND DAVID CROSS tied the knot this weekend in a glorious outdoor fall affair documented on Instagram by Questlove of The Roots.

FIRST GENERATION DOUCHE

Chet Haze Reminds You He’s A Rich Kid On Instagram

By Elizabeth C.

IN CASE YOU MISSED HIM AMONG THE HIGHFALUTIN RICH KIDS OF INSTAGRAM, HERE’s a snap uploaded by Chet Haze, Tom Hanks’ embarrassing rapper wannabe son.

Oh, excuse me, he’s changed his mind and henceforth should be referred to as “artist, musician, and singer.”