UNTAMED NATURES

Two ‘Centaurs,’ One Ad, Lures 500 Potential Dates

By Elizabeth C.

THEY BRAG IN THEIR CRAIGSLIST AD THAT THEY’VE WATCHED LOVE ACTUALLY, but two self-described “bad boy” bros evoke more memories of Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers.

Brothers Dave and Mike needed dates for a cousin’s upcoming wedding. But neither wanted to bring the “fringe” women in their lives fearing they’d turn into overly attached girlfriends. Their solution? Posing as centaurs in a cheeky ad on Craigslist touting open bar, a chance to dress up, suspense, romance, mystery — and a cut of the royalties after their love story’s turned into movie.

GOOGLE GETS THE LAST WORD

Whack Vs. Wack: An Alternative Viewpoint

By Elizabeth C.

GAWKER’S ESTEEMED HAMILTON NOLAN is using his exalted position to halt the use of the slang word ‘whack’ over its alternative spelling, ‘wack.’

For us here at Crabby Golightly the debate is more than academic since every Wednesday we publish some of the day’s weirdest news under the headline ‘Whack Wednesday.’ Now — and thank god — The Atlantic commits the same sin. So at the risk of getting burned — or worse, embarrassed — let us jump into the wacky fray.

TO THE MAT

Hulk Hogan Refiles $100 Million Lawsuit Against Gawker In Florida

By Elizabeth C.

HULK HOGAN, NEVER VERY INTERESTING TO ME UNTIL NOW, IS PUSHING HIS FIGHT WITH the website Gawker to a second round.

Hogan sued the New York gossip site in federal court for $100 million for publishing a few unremarkable seconds from a sex tape secretly recorded of the wrestler doing the layman’s hip lock with Heather Clem, then the wife of radio DJ Bubba The Love Sponge.

ASSHAT?

Here’s A Public Service Announcement About Ass Implants Gone Wrong

By Elizabeth C.

RENDERED SPEECHLESS, I CAN ONLY MUSTER THE MENTAL CELERITY to embed the YouTube video that serves as public service announcement about the dangers of butt cheek implants.

BIAS IN DISGUISE

10 Reasons Why The Adele ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ Tumblr Is Lame

By Elizabeth C.

OH, LOOKIE. SOME WANKERS MADE A FUNNY BY CREATING A What If Adele Was Mrs. Doubtfire tumblr. And a lot of bloggers with penises jumped on it (figuratively speaking, we think) to ride it into the ground.

THE ‘SANDY’ CONSPIRACY

Sandy Crashes New York’s Go-To Destinations On The Web

By Elizabeth C.

GAWKER CRASHED MONDAY NIGHT AND, FRANKENSTORM BE DAMNED, I WAS ready to point the finger at a whole host of the Manhattan website’s enemies: reddit, Hulk Hogan, the government’s secret program, and a suspect with the means to pull the plug: New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg who revealed how he rises to a challenge during a Sunday press conference on the storm. We’ve always suspected it, but now we know literally, that this man has a hard-on for power. Of course, Gawker was only too happy to share the news.

HOGAN GOES SOFT FAST

WTF? Hulk Hogan Settles With The Love Sponge Who Reportedly Made Secret Sex Tape

By Elizabeth C.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? Am I missing something in the Hulk Hogan-Bubba The Love Sponge settlement?

The erstwhile former best friends have kissed and made up — only figuratively speaking, we think — with Hulk settling his case against Bubba in Florida. But it’s the oddly worded statement released by the Love Sponge, aka Todd Alan Clem, that has me raising eyebrows.

I’LL STOP THE WORLD WITH YOU

Jessica Biel’s Fairytale Wedding Sullied By Tasteless Video Mocking Homeless

By Natasha Hemley

REMEMBER PRETTY IN PINK? Jessica Biel turned that movie into reality when she walked down the aisle in a custom Giambattista Valli strapless gown to exchange vows with long time beau, Justin Timberlake.

“I was about to stand up in front of my friends and family and bare my soul for the person I love. It was terribly emotional,” Biel, 30, tells People.

A MODEST PROPOSAL

Virtual Vigilantes & The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

By Elizabeth C.

MILLIONS OF NETIZENS HAVE BEEN ENTERTAINED BY THE Gawker-REDDIT DRAMA OVER CREEPSHOTS posted in the dank subterranean basements known as subreddits. The internecine squabble is rooted in the sleazy practice of virtual predators — some even high school teachers — posting revealing photos of women and/or underaged girls without their knowledge or consent.

To quote Erin Gloria Ryan, a writer at Gawker’s sister site Jezebel, “Mad-on achieved.”

A BATTLE ROYALE BREWING?

Let Them Fight To The Death! Hulk Hogan Vs. Gawker

LET THEM FIGHT TO THE DEATH! ROOOOARRR! Hulk Hogan unleashed his fury against the provocateurs at Gawker, filing a $100 million lawsuit against the New York-based website for publishing video showing him having sex with his bestie’s exwife.

A second suit was filed Florida’s Pinellas County Circuit Court against Bubba “The Love Sponge” Clem and Clem’s ex-wife Heather, with whom the Hulk romps on the published footage. Clem, who claimed to be best friends with the Hulk, is accused of secretly recording the lovemaking session and then blurting out after Hogan left the premises but while the tape was still rolling, “If we ever did want to retire, all we’d have to do is use this footage.”