DEGREES OF SHADE

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Reunion: Who’s The Shadiest Of All?

By Karen Malmquist

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL, Who’s the shadiest of them all? Yes, “shade” was once again the magic word during part two of Sunday’s Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. Is anyone surprised? And hold on to your wigs, because whether we like it or not, Kim is back.

Picking up from last week, NeNe discusses her newfound love for sitting back and watching the drama unfold around her — instead of starting it herself. Getting to observe the train wreck instead of creating it seems to be a refreshing change of pace for her.

OFFENDED BY PORSHA’S GLAMOUR

Real Housewives Of Atlanta: The Color Ratchet

By Karen Malmquist

THE WIGS, WHIPS AND SPARKS ARE A-FLYING as Kenya throws a costume ball, but it wouldn’t be a Housewives party without some serious shade cast over the event.

Kenya meets with local party planners to work on her gala celebrating black women in film. She wants to add some production to it, with people acting famous scenes from movies like Coming to America and The Color Purple.

Kandi and Phaedra go to a self-defense class, and Phaedra whips out her own stun gun prototype for some practice. Like Kandi, she has also entered the adult buzzing toy business. She’s appropriately calling it “Phaedra Sparks,” and the instructors show them how to use them the right way. Well, it wasn’t the guys’ plan to get shocked themselves, but Kandi can’t help it and gives them a buzz. Looks like it works!

CONGRATS

Kroy Biermann Legally Files To Adopt Kim Zolciak’s Two Daughters

By Karen Malmquist

BIG POPPA WHO?

After seeing her on the early years of Real Housewives of Atlanta, it might be hard to imagine Kim Zolciak coming out of the franchise in a somehow more stable state. But thanks to her young footballer hubby Kroy Biermann, things keep looking up and up.

News broke that Kroy has filed to adopt Kim’s daughters from a previous marriage, Brielle and Ariana. Because their birth father and Kim’s ex-husband, Daniel D. Toce, has been out of the picture for way too long, Kroy has decided to make his role as a father figure to the girls official.

UNCOUPLING

Atlanta Housewife Porsha Stewart To Divorce Ex-NFL Ballplayer

By Karen Malmquist

BY NOW MOST OF THE Real Housewives of Atlanta fandom have heard the news that Porsha and Kordell Stewart are kaput. Anyone with eyes and ears saw the couple hit some turmoil towards the end of season five, which concludes on Sunday.

Throughout the season, the other Housewives noticed signs of Kordell’s possible controlling behavior of Porsha, especially with her constantly saying she has to ask him for permission to do anything besides be a stay-at-home housewife. Viewers recently saw Porsha break down when Kordell told her she could either choose to be a mother or have a career — but not both.

JE T’AIME PARIS

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Woe Is Taylor & The Tricks Up Kim’s Sleeves

By Karen Malmquist

AS IF WE WEREN’T ALREADY JELLI OF GIGGY, he’s brought his posse to Paris on Monday’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and along the way, Kim seems to be slipping into her old ways overseas.

Before crossing the Atlantic, Kim visits Kyle to have a serious talk about Taylor. Last week we heard Taylor sounding less than sober while telling Kyle she was getting into a plane with a stranger she’s “in love” with, not knowing where Kennedy was. First, Kim admires the turtle shells hanging on Kyle’s wall. Once that’s out of the way, it’s time to get down to business. She calls Taylor to let her know she’s worried.

FEEDING FLAMES

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Burning Down The House

By Karen Malmquist

WHY IS ADRIENNE MALOOF’S BODY LEAVING UNSIGHTLY STAINS on people’s couches? On Monday’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, a mansion catches on fire, Adrienne soils furniture, and Taylor takes off to parts unknown in a plane with a strange man while oblivious to her daughter’s whereabouts. You know, relatable life events.

Kim is throwing a daytime party for the ladies to debut her new nose, and to thank them for being so supportive of her newfound sobriety. Kyle and Faye arrive with Portia and Taylor’s daughter, Kennedy. Taylor’s supposed to come by the party later. However, she calls Kyle and Kim and tells them a bizarre story about how she can’t come to the party because she’s fallen in love in the last 48 hours and she and this guy are taking a helicopter somewhere. While Taylor is talking over Kyle’s speaker, the sisters look at each other in confusion. Kyle asks if it’s okay if Kennedy stays with her and Portia for the weekend while Taylor’s gone, and Taylor asks, “Oh, you have Kennedy?”

HARLEM SHAKEOUT

The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Prayers & Pageant Poopers

By Karen Malmquist

KENYA MOORE MAY NOT REALLY BE BIPOLAR or alcoholic, but Sunday’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta teases that something serious may really be going on in her body.

While we wait in suspense to find out what’s wrong, let’s empathize with Porsha’s latest dilemma: princess dresses.

Porsha has her mom and sister over to help her pick dresses for Kordell’s 40th birthday party. She’s modeling a poofy princess dress, and they’re not feeling it. Then, for the first time in her life, a light bulb goes off over her head and she throws on a Tina Turner-esque number.

MEMORIES OF EDDIE

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Of Slimy Things & Steel Rods

By Karen Malmquist

TONIGHT’S THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLs is mostly foreplay as the ladies prepare to wrap their legs around hard rods of steel. Brandi happily shoves slimy food down Kyle’s throat, while Adrienne only shows up briefly to shower five seconds of negativity. How long will the good feelings last?

Yolanda has her dear friend Suzanne Somers over to teach Kyle and Lisa about health and Bellinis. “Why not embrace aging, let’s just hold onto it gracefully,” Yolanda encourages. Kyle says she didn’t know she’d be having lunch with Chrissy Snow, but Lisa hasn’t seen Three’s Company and doesn’t get the reference. Suzanne takes 40 vitamins a day and plans on living to be 110, and Lisa doesn’t get that, either. She doesn’t like the idea of a 110-year-old having a sex life.

SEXY AND THEY KNOW IT

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Paris Hilton Makes A Cameo

By Karen Malmquist

COUNT ON A STRIPPER POLE to bring the ladies of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills together. After a heated Moroccan dinner debate, the doyennes of drama decide to put aside their differences and take a trip to strip away the pain. But first…

We revisit last week’s war of words between Brandi and Mauricio over the still largely unknown Adrienne drama. Kyle manages to talk Mauricio down, but is still disappointed that the evening took a turn for the worse.

ASS IS ON THE LINE

Real Housewives Of Atlanta: The Back End Of Donkey Booty

By Karen Malmquist

HERE SHE COMES, MISS RATCHET USA!

Booty battles show no sign of slowing Real Housewives of Atlanta, as Kenya and Phaedra continue to butt heads over serious booty business.

Cynthia is at the Branner Brothers International Hair Show, judging the hairstyling competition. She’s got her work cut out for her, because the hair in the room would put RuPaul’s Drag Race to shame. Kenya is also there to support Cynthia, as well as tell spread the word about her latest endeavor. She and Cynthia tell their friends Derek J and Miss Lawrence about Kenya’s upcoming workout video for “stallion booties.” Miss Lawrence and Peter say that they’d rather have a stallion booty, anyway, and Cynthia agrees that it would probably sell more than a donkey booty video.