FUN ON HOLD

Snooki & J-Woww: Something’s Stinking Up The Joint

By Karen Malmquist

THIS WEEK ON SNOOKI & J-WOWW, aka the greatest show on television, Jenni is trying to stomach the news that Nicole is pregnant and engaged, while still trying to figure out why the new apartment smells like dog poop. Ahh, how lucky we are to have these two back on TV.

Jenni barely has time to agree to be the baby’s godmother before she and Nicole sign the lease on their sick new apartment. Nicole is supposed to show her dad the lease efore she signs it, but she forgets and signs them without reading anything. And this girl calls herself a businesswoman.

Jenni comes home and tells Roger that Snooki is pregnant, and Roger is completely dumbfounded. Like the rest of planet Earth, Roger at first thinks it’s a sick joke. Oh, Roger. We wish it was, too. “Get the f-ck out of here! Seriously? She’s pregnant? How are you going to have any fun?” he wonders, and we are wondering too.

The next morning, the day of the big move, Jenni is having car troubles. Something’s leaking, and she takes it as a bad omen that moving in with Snooki may not be the best idea. Roger lets her borrow his truck, but it’s a stick shift. He tries to teach her, but it proves disastrous.

Snooki’s having trouble packing the car, seeing as her and Jionni are both very small people. She also didn’t feel the need to pack until the morning of, so luckily her fiancé is there to do all the work for her.

Both girls make it to the apartment that night, and Snooki tries to convince Roger to get Jenni pregnant so they can be knocked up together. Do I smell desperation?

Once Roger leaves, the girls start unpacking. It suddenly smells disgusting. “Either my dog shit or that dishwasher reeks,” JWoww observers, just before she discovers one of her dogs went both number one and number two on the floor. Snooki also finds out that she’s sitting in the dog’s urine. Does she get up right away? No.

Jenni’s birthday is the next morning, so Nicole helps clean up the house for a little get-together with their significant others. The guys arrive later, and Roger puts a request in for a bachelor party for Jionni. Jenni starts freaking out at the thought of Roger at a strip club. “People get divorced before they get married because of bachelor parties,” she warns. ” Roger, sounding reasonable, says, “It comes down to trust, for starters.” Uh, hello, has he not been watching Jersey Shore?

Snooki, the sober one in the group, takes a second to realize how much of a psycho Jenni is sounding like when she’s talking to Roger. When Snooki, of all people, thinks you’re acting crazy, something has to be wrong.

Coming up, Snooki gets a sonogram, asks a fellow pregnant lady about vaginas ripping, and Jenni fights with Roger. We can’t wait.

Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.