ALL SNOOKED UP
Snooki Hurts So Good: A Jersey Shore Recap
By Karen Malmquist
THE AFTERSHOCKS OF THE SNOOKI-JIONNI MELTDOWN ARE RATTLING THE GOOMBAS, and everyone’s a hungover mess.
Snooki stirs, mumbling that she can’t f****** deal, and remembers that Jionni has left. She tries calling him, and gets no answer.
At work, Pauly tries to rally Deena and Ron, who are both pissed about having to make pizza after a long night of craziness. Pauly starts joking around with the costumers, calling for security when he drops what looks like a pancake on the ground.
Meanwhile, Snooki decides to nurse her emotional wounds at a bar. She gets a beer and starts talking to the other patrons, who are all sitting quietly and watching her. After Snooki jammers on about Jionni and whatnot to complete strangers while simultaneously dancing, she prances off to a bakery, and heads home to call her dad. While she’s on the phone with her dad, Sammi tries to comfort her, and Deena looks on, not knowing what to do. On top of all that, Jenni, who’s still mad about Snooki screaming at her the night before, comes in. She demands to know where Jenni was when she needed her, and Jenni realizes that she needs to stop being mad and be there for her friend.
Snooki starts beating herself up over the whole situation, and then tells Jenni that she needed her. When Jenni starts to apologize again, Snooki tears up. Jenni leaves the room and manages to get Jionni on the phone. Snooki takes the phone and repeatedly asks Jionni why he left. He keeps saying that he “can’t talk about it” and that he’s on a train on the way home. Jenni takes the phone and then tries to convince him to come back. Jenni and Snooki take off and try to find the train station. They find Jionni standing outside the station, and Snooki tries once again to get him to stay. She begs him to not leave, but he tells her that he has to leave because his mom changed his ticket. They hold hands and start walking down the street while he explains everything to her, emotionless. Snooki, however, is a total mess and is crying so hard that she has to put her sunglasses on in the overcast weather.
Later, the guys decide to pull a prank on Deena. They put a fancy couch, a chair, and all of her belongings on top of her bed. When Deena goes into the room to get ready to go out, she runs to the bathroom to find Vinny, the culprit of all of this. He runs out of the shower, junk covered by his hand, and chases her around the house. She then tries to take the stuff off the bed, and the couch falls on top of her. Deena starts laughing so hard that she can’t even move.
When everyone’s on their way to the club, Deena says in her interview that she’s been very emotional lately, which she notes is a possible sign of pregnancy. Oh, and she missed her period. She tells Jenni about it at the club, and it takes every fiber of Jenni’s being to not roll her eyes at her. In an attempt to get Deena to stop talking about it, Jenni drags her to a pharmacy to get a pregnancy test. On the way over, Deena starts crying hysterically. Honestly, poor Jenni!
They head back to the house to take the test, and Mike lets them in. His awkward haircut is now parted down the middle for some reason. Everyone else is in bed, and Deena and Jenni are anxiously awaiting the results. Deena finds out she’s not pregnant, and Jenni is probably planning to go out to a club by herself tomorrow night.
Snooki puts on a silly hat and calls Jionni. He explains to her why he left her at the club, and starts hurting her feelings again. Sam, Deena, and Ron sit by her, waiting to talk to her. When Snooki hangs up, he calls her right back. Only this time, she walks away from the phone. Good for you, Snooks.
Then Snooki has the perfect idea: turn the house into Karma (the club from Jersey)! Pauly gets his DJ equipment ready, and everyone gets dressed-up, Jersey-style. They all wait in the kitchen for Pauly to announce that the cabs are here, and Ron pretends to be the bouncer when everyone arrives at the living room. When the strobe lights go on, it’s time for Mike to start creeping and Deena to fall down. Snooki’s feet start hurting, and Mike tries to… I guess he’s trying to seductively massage her feet? Then she and Mike start dancing, and then head out to the porch with Jenni and Deena. Mike professes his love for her, and Jenni and Deena see right through that. When Mike mentions the “hook-up” thing, Snooki tells him to stop. Here we go! He tells her that he would treat her so much better than Jionni, and then he says that Ron told him to kick Jionni in the head. Obviously that didn’t happen.
After their little convo, Snooki and Deena decide to go to the guys’ beds. Snooki gets in bed with Pauly for a second, and then hops into bed with Vinny. The two start making out, and then Snooki pulls the covers over them. Uh-oh!
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
