EMOTIONAL WORKOUT

Real Housewives Of Orange County: Bully For You

By Miz J

IF THERE’S ANYTHING WE LEARNED IN COLLEGE, IT’S THAT when I white girl who’s had a few drinks loudly proclaims that she’s “DONE!,” she is far from it.

The Orange County ladies “voluntarily” attend Tamra’s gym opening, and it goes exactly how Bravo producers want it: horribly.

Alexis visits Vicki to give her a nice post-surgery gift: a mirror, so she can look at herself and realize how beautiful she is. Ugh, eye-roll. The mirror also has a rhinestone frog on it, so maybe Alexis that’s intended to be a symbolic meaning about Vicki’s surgery. Who knows? This is Alexis we’re talking about.

Vicki then invites Alexis to Tamra’s gym opening dinner party. Alexis is hesitant, but Vicki convinces her to go. For some reason they think nothing will go wrong. Nothing is going well with them living in the same county, so how is being in the same room at a very intimate gathering supposed to go well?

Heather is guest co-hosting a radio show, so she puts on her nicest outfits and eyelashes. She makes the subject of the show about bullying, and how “theater” helped her get through high school. She takes an on-air tab at Alexis, and argues that she doesn’t know real bullying.

Alexis brings her kids over to Lydia’s house for a playdate, as well as Starbucks for the two of them. Lydia doesn’t look like she’s wearing pants. She tells Alexis that Heather said she wears a fake engagement ring. Alexis asks her to come to Tamra’s party, because there needs to be more positive vibes at the event.

Heather and Terry meet Lydia and Doug for dinner. Lydia asks how they feel about the Beverly Hills Lifestyle spread, and Terry says that they’d want to have the cover. Doug kindly explains that covers are for more household names, like Helen Hunt or Kristin Chenoweth. Heather is not amused, because she thinks she is of the same caliber as the women just mentioned. How dare she be upstaged by an Oscar nominee and someone who has an Emmy and a Tony Award?

Eddie is helping Tamra prepare for her party, who is visibly upset that Vicki’s invited Alexis. She’s going to flip her lid if Alexis plays the bully card like she did all last season, and if she could see the final minute of this episode, she’d immediately un-invite them.

Gretchen drops by Heather’s house before the party for some champagne. They’re both tired of Alexis too, and Gretchen compares Alexis to the kid at school who always complains about getting their lunch money stolen but always sits with the kids who take their money? It kind of makes sense.

At the gym, Tamra tells Gretchen and Heather that Vicki is coming with Alexis and the new girl Lydia, who she calls “guilty by association.” Heather tries to speak up in Lydia’s defense, but Tamra insists that she’s still guilty.

The others walk in, and Vicki’s carrying a good luck plant. It’s Cold War-level tense in the room as soon as they arrive.

Alexis quietly tells Tamra that, drama aside, she’s there to support her as a businesswoman, then gives her a bottle of fancy-looking wine. Tamra accepts the wine, but not so much Alexis’ statement.

Lydia tries to break the ice, introducing herself to everyone and telling Tamra how amazing the studio looks. Tamra thanks her and gives her a tour of the place, and then she asks Lydia about her kids. Hopefully Lydia is one less person on Tamra’s bad list.

They all sit down and you could hear a pin drop until Lydia once again tries to cut the tension, asking Tamra and Gretchen if they have kids of their own. Lydia says she can’t believe Tamra has four kids, because she’s got such a great body, and that Gretchen must have a boyfriend because she’s so pretty. They both nervously smile back at Lydia.

When Lydia says that the location of the gym is perfect because she’ll attract a ton of clients and taste-makers, Tamra barely gets out “thank you” when Vicki chimes in and says that her clients will be close to her insurance agency, too. Gretchen says under her breath that once again, it’s all about Vicki. Vicki isn’t happy until she mentions her “baby,” and how he’s living at her house with Briana. She’s not making any sense, but she looks kind of happy to have the attention.

It’s time for dinner, and things go from awkward to terrible when Alexis announces that she’s not going to sit there and be bullied. As soon as she says it, Heather and Tamra clink their wine glasses together. Did they make this into a drinking game without telling the viewers? Alexis says that she’s going to sit down and have a conversation about all of this drama with them very soon. Did she need to say this right now?

Tamra says that she’s very gracious for letting Alexis into the party, which is a polite way of saying that Alexis has got five seconds before she’s outta there. Alexis says that she had nothing to do with anyone falling out with each other, and Gretchen says that she turned everyone against Vicki.

Sick of the arguing, Tamra rushes over to Alexis’ chair, pull it out from the table, and demands that she “get the fu*k out.” Now. As Tamra’s screaming at her, Alexis says how happy she is for her new gym. Once Jesus Jugs is outside, Tamra then screams at Vicki, telling her to pick her sides now.

Well. That escalated quickly.