REVERSING ROLES

Real Housewives Of Orange County: Tupperware Insults & Plastic Weddings

By Karen Malmquist

LOVE — AND NAME-CALLING — ARE IN THE AIR AS The Real Housewives of Orange County prepare to wrap up their eighth (!) season. On the latest episode, Gretchen gets progressive by proposing to Slade, Slade cries, and Vicki rounds up some penguins.

Vicki, with so much time on her hands now, has finally finished redecorating her house. All hints of Donn have disappeared, and she declares this a cause for celebration. Alexis and Lydia, who are over at the house to admire the work Vicki did are informed of her upcoming “Winter Wonderland” party. Although it’s obviously inspired by the ladies’ trip to Canada, the penguins that will be in attendance aren’t exactly geographically accurate. Don’t let PETA here about this.

So who’s not invited to the party? Brooks, Lauri (duh), and Vicki’s still iffy about Slade. On one hand, she doesn’t want Gretchen to get mad;on another, he deserves a kick in his manhood.

Speak of the devil! The ladies just so happen to turn on Slade’s “radio show” in time to hear him to throw around his latest mean words about Vicki. He doesn’t mention her by name (what a gentleman!), but he complains about a certain woman in his so-called “social circle” whose had quite a bit of plastic surgery done. He calls her “Tupperware Face.”

Vicki is understandably upset by his remarks, and Alexis attempts to comfort her by saying, “I know you were swollen for a couple weeks, but look at you now!” Lydia chimes in by saying that Slade’s comments were classless, tasteless, and everything-else-less.

Despite the fact that Slade crossed the line, Vicki decides to go ahead and invite him to the party. Because if there’s one thing Vicki knows how to handle well, it’s social conflicts.

Heather and Terry sit their kids down to announce that they’re moving into an even bigger, more expensive mansion. They’re somehow surprised to hear that their kids are reluctant to move. However, once the kids start throwing out ideas for their new home, they seem more into it. That is, only if they get their chocolate milk pool. But Heather is completely kervlempt over the idea of a bigger home theater. One they have now already seats 15. “I don’t think we even like that many people,” she complains.

Slade is at his “radio show” –and I’m putting that in quotes because these days anyone can start their own podcast and call themselves a radio host — with his pink-haired, aging Hot Topic employee of a co-host. She tells Slade that she’s about to play a new song buy some he “knows.” Gretchen’s song starts playing, and Slade doesn’t realize it’s Gretchen until she flatly “sings” the line “marry me.” He starts to cry, and when the song ends after 40 seconds, his sidekick tells him that it’s Gretchen, and the song was only playing in the studio, not over the airwaves. Thank god. If anyone besides Slade had heard that song, it’d be so embarrassing for Gretchen. By the way, it’s on iTunes now.

He follows his sidekick out of the studio, where he’s given instructions to put on a tux and hop into a limo.

Meanwhile, Gretchen s getting ready for the big proposal. She’s got a big sparkly party being set-up for after she pops the question, but right now the biggest concern is her hair. Will the helicopter landing over-blow her blow-out while she waits for him on the roof? After another layer of hairspray, she informs her hairdresser that she didn’t invite any of the Housewives to the party, because she knows they have strong opinions of Slade. She doesn’t want any shade on her big day.

As Gretchen awaits her soon-to-be fiancé on the roof, a flashback plays of all the bad times she and Slade have had together. Seriously.

Suddenly, the helicopter lands, and Gretchen begins her declaration of love to Slade. She says she feels like she’s on top of the world when she’s with him, which gives meaning to the whole rooftop thing. After apologizing for getting cold feet before, she says, “I was allowing my past to get in the way of my future, but you are my future. I want you to be the father to my children, and I want to have a wonderful, maybe not perfect, but happy life together. What do you say? Do you want to do this?”

Slade accepts her proposal by getting down on one knee and saying it would be an honor to marry her. Aww.

Back in Orange County, Tamra is at C.U.T. Fitness, welcoming Alexis to the studio. In her interview, Tamra is amazed that not too long ago, she was kicking Alexis out of a party there. Now she’s the first one at the opening, getting on a stationary bike and everything.

In her own interview, Alexis says that, “God wants you to forgive and love everyone. Even Tamra.” That’s big of you, Alexis.

Back at the engagement party, Gretchen’s parents congratulate the couple. They had previously been very skeptical of Slade, but now they couldn’t be happier that they are getting married.

We’re introduced to Kent, Slade’s polar opposite of a younger brother. According to Slade, he works on a fishing boat, has an impressive ponytail, and has a flask of moonshine on hand 24/7. Gretchen laughs in her interview that Kent is “like the swamp version of Slade.” Something tells me he doesn’t live in these here parts of Orange County.

The Winter Wonderland party is getting its final touches when Vicki yells at her party planners that there might be too much winter in the party. Oh my god.

The ladies arrive to the party, and Tamra is treated to diaper duty with Troy. For some reason her first destination was the baby’s room instead of, you know, the party, but Vicki gets a kick out of him pooping as soon as she opened the diaper.

Everyone finally gathers outside for the festivities, and Tamra announces her and Eddie’s wedding date, complete with a poetic “Tamra and Eddie are finally ready!” Speaking of engagements, Gretchen and Slade, who decide to not tell anyone about the proposal, enter the premises just as everyone is talking about how annoyed they are with them.

Something tells me the season finale is not going to be a pleasant one.