BLIND TO THE OBVIOUS

Real Housewives Of Orange County: See No Evil Eye, Speak No Evil Eye

By Trisha B.

TONIGHT, LOVE IS BLIND, AND SO IS VICKI. Jim confronts Terry about calling Alexis a phony; Briana finds a friend in Tamra; and you won’t believe which guest gets a diamond!

We’re still celebrating at Heather’s and Vicki still has on that coat! Sigh (rolls eyes). As the Housewives and their escorts flutter around the party, the “normal” guests try to avoid them at all costs, thanking God the Dubrows have a house as big as an airplane hangar.

In one group, Sarah’s surrounded by guests and complaining about Heather being pissed that she ate a piece of the bow on the top of the cake. In another group, Heather is complaining about Sarah. Vicki has pigeon-holed Terry, asking him if he noticed Brooks new teeth.

Gretchen takes Tamra to a quiet room. After they sit, she gives her a little present. It’s a charm bracelet with three charms. As Gretchen explains the meaning of each one, Tamra is overcome and grabs her for a hug. Gretchen insists Tamra is a strong, unbreakable woman. Tamra tells us she agrees she’s unbreakable and that no one will tell her what to do or how to do it ever again. She tells Gretchen she’s glad she’s back in her life, tells her she loves her. Gretchen’s crying when telling us that she finally got the validation she’s longed for from Tamra.

In the kitchen, Sarah, looking a bit smashed, again confronts Heather. Heather thinks she’s out of her mind and doesn’t accept her many apologies. Instead she calls Terry, Gretchen, Slade and Tamra over to help get Sarah the fuck outta her house. She calls Alexis over as well, but Alexis insists she still doesn’t understand the problem or why she was called in. Heather tells us Alexis needs to stop trying to defend Sarah — she’s an uninvited, drunken guest and she just needs to get her out! Even Slade tries to explain to Alexis why Sarah needs to go. Sarah apologizes again but finally allows Slade and Gretchen to escort her out, saying all the while, “It was just a bow. I’m tired of these fake-ass people.” Heather says she never wants to see that girl again.

Right after Tamra’s son Ryan arrives, Vicki floats by Briana’s table, telling no one in particular that she has three kids at the party, and gives her new son-in-law a kiss. She tugs him away to a tete e tete on a nearby bench. She’s so deluded, telling him she’s told Briana that she doesn’t know Ryan well, just like Briana doesn’t know Brooks well. I am as sick of her comparing the situations as Briana is. Then she tries to put the friction between her and Briana in his lap, saying that if they don’t get along he’ll take her daughter away from her. He wisely defends himself and says if that happens it’s because of Vicki, not him. He ultimately agrees to not interfere and help if he can.

As Brooks and Alexis chat about Jim being a no-show, we see Jim walk in through the front door. He strides through the house and goes over to Alexis and asks if he can buy her a drink. She’s startled but thrilled and gives a little scream. Her voice gets higher and higher as she jumps up to wrap her arms around his neck, squealing about how happy she is to see him. Heather smells trouble.

For some reason I can’t fathom, Brooks, playing the role of shit starter, go and tells Terry that Jim just showed up. Whaa!!?!?? What was that about?
Across the room, Vicki goes apeshit when she spies Tamra and Gretchen hugging and kissing. She tells her group Tamra’s brownnosing and she goes over to tell her to her face. In an interview she tells us she thinks their new friendship is fake. Tamra tells us she’s around Gretchen because she’s a fun, positive girl. And Vicki is not. Continuing to clown, Vicki then grabs Alexis and hugs and kisses her. Alexis is all, “What’s going on?” Crazy.

On the lawn, Slade is trying to get in good with rich guy Terry. He uses his help with the removal of Sarah as proof he would make a great wingman. Terry humors him by agreeing. As this is going on, Jim comes up and says he needs to talk to Terry. Da Da Da Dummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Alexis tried to discourage him, because, you know, it’s a party and he’s the host. But he gave her a hard stare and asked, in front of everyone, if she’s “wearing the pants now.” Alexis looked a little embarrassed but kept her mouth shut. Terry, chatting with Jeana, is ever the gracious host, greeting Jim warmly when he joins them.

When they grab a private table, Jim says that Terry called his wife the phoniest person he ever met. Terry looks a little puzzled and says he didn’t say she was THE phoniest person he’s ever met. But he admits that he said she’s phony and pretentious. Just not phoniest person he ever met. Ha. Heather comes over and tells Jim she was straight with Alexis in Costa Rica, about how she comes off to people. She’s very serious when she says she doesn’t deal with hearsay, only what she sees with her own eyes. Jim nods and seems to appreciate this.

Meanwhile Tamra, eyes darting all around, sees what’s going on and gets her ass over to that table. She just sits her ass down with no invitation. At this, Jim abruptly gets up and leaves, huffing, “Tamra’s gotta get involved?” Tamra asks the group if Jim’s afraid of the truth and Terry says he just wants to control the truth. Do you love him or what?

Alexis is frantic when she hears Jim is leaving. She runs over and asks Heather what happened but doesn’t fully listen before running out after Jim. She tells us it should have been a man-to-man discussion, and that Heather shouldn’t have even been there. Much less Tamra. Wow, I agree with Alexis, go figure. She catches up with Jim as he’s driving off. When he stops she climbs right in cause she gotta be with her man.

The entire Housewife crew gathers at a table to drink and rant. Heather looks a little shell shocked. They josh back and forth, clinking glasses and shouting over each other. When Vicki proposes a toast to Alexis, Tamra rolls her eyes. Brooks, seeing this, says, “Oh, really.” He accuses Tamra of giving Vicki the “evil eye.” He and Tamra go back and forth about it, as if Tamra’s never rolled her eyes at Vicki. She does it all the time. She rolls her eyes at everyone. When the tiff finally seems to be winding down, Gretchen decides to throw some shit out there, saying innocently “What’s been brewing between you two.” Vicki claims innocence, that they’re best friends. As Brooks continues to whisper in Vicki’s ear “evil eye” “evil eye” “evil eye,” Tamra says what the fuck, why is he causing trouble between them? Does he want them to fight?

Tamra, hearing this, gets more and more pissed, eventually gets up and points in Brooks’ face. She likes to point. As she gets shriller and shriller about the evil eye thing, Vicki tells Brooks they should leave. Tamra screams at Vicki, “Do not let him tell you what to think!!!!” At this, Vicki goes psycho. She had just taken her coat off and now, as she screams at Tamra, “He doesn’t tell me what to think!!!” she puts it back on. As she and Brooks leave the table, Tamra tells the group that Brooks is trying to separate Vicki from all of her friends. To us she calls him “creepy.”

Vicki, meanwhile, says she doesn’t know who Tamra is right now. As Tamra follows them out, Vicki tells her they’ll talk when Tamra’s not drinking. Vicki continues to scream that Tamra doesn’t need to talk to either of them like that, she’s supposed to be her friend. She’s getting hoarse as she says she needs an apology from her.
When Tamra pleads her case to Briana, she agrees that Tamra would never give her mother the “evil eye.” She joins in the Brooks bashing, saying Vicki is putting him over everyone. Briana says she’s blinded by him, she’s losing her kids over him. Tamra wonders if anyone matters in Vicki’s life besides Brooks?

Outside, Vicki asks Ryan to bring Briana to her; she’s worried Tamra is going to feed her a load. Which, unbeknownst to Vicki, she already did. Heather comes out and asks them to come back in, she’s planning a special toast and would like them to be there. Brooks goes on about if somebody gives his lady the “evil eye” he’s gonna call them on it. God.

When Briana comes out she asks Vicki to talk to her privately. She asks to hear Vicki’s side of the story. Vicki claims she saw Tamra’s give her the “evil eye” when Vicki knows damn well she didn’t. Vicki doesn’t care how upset Tamra is. She insists Brooks did the right thing, that Tamra was wrong and that she’s done with her. Briana tells her she’s throwing away a friendship for a guy but Vicki doesn’t want to hear it. When Brianna tells them they’re alienating themselves, Brooks gets a funny look on his face. He then says they’re not going to do it (alienate themselves) and leads Vicki back into the party. Vicki tells us the only person she trusts is Brooks. Gosh, she’s a robot, she has Stockholm syndrome. I MUST BE WITH BROOKS. BROOKS MUST BE WITH ME.

As Heather gathers her guests around the cake she tells them how much she appreciates having them all in her life. Vicki stands stoically with Brooks on the outside of the circle of friends. Strangely, after celebratory screams all around, Vicki moves in closer. With her sad puss on display, she tells the gathering she’s sorry but that’s how she acts when confronted. Uh, was that necessary? She also says Brooks is her man and everyone just has to deal with it. How bizarre.

Oooooh, the diamonds have been dropped into glasses of champagne and are ready to be handed out to all the ladies. There is a jeweler on site to instantly determine the winner. God, what it’s like to be rich. Heather is the OC Housewife we’ve been waiting for. She’s slinging some Beverly Hills shit up in here. Heather mischievously says she hopes Tamra doesn’t get it. After all, she just got one in Bora Bora! And, of course, Tamra gets it.

The finale:

HEATHER’S glad to have met these women. She’s done things with them she never thought she’d do. She’s going to be busy opening her restaurant.

EDDIE asks Tamra’s son, Ryan, to be his best man at the wedding, calling him the only solid man in Tamra’s life. OOoo, how sweet. They’re getting married in the fall. Vicki is not invited… for now.

BRIANA continues to worry about her relationship with her mother. She and Ryan have another wedding for family and friends. She’s six months pregnant.

GRETCHEN says it’s been a season of changed friendships. She still doesn’t feel marriage with Slade is going in the right direction. She wants a baby, not a ring. Slade’s had his vasectomy reversed.

SITTING alone at a table, Vicki tells Heather that Tamra shouldn’t have spoken to her like that. She insists she’s not influenced by others. She and Brooks broke up. But they got back together. He’s still driving her car.

ALEXIS wonders who her true friends are. She’s no longer gigging at Fox 5. She and Jim are opening a trampoline park.

At the end, the ladies pose for the cameras, Vicki on one end, Tamra on the other. Vicki poses, sans coat.

Trisha B. covers the Real Housewives of New York for Crabby Golightly. Follow her on Twitter at TrishaBTV.