HUGGING IT OUT
Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Truce
By Karen Malmquist
SOMEWHERE DEEP INSIDE THE BRAVO OFFICES, the network exec who forced us all to deal with a two episode-long commercial for LA Shrinks is giving himself a huge bonus after seeing everyone finally get along on Real Housewives of New Jersey.
On the latest episode, Dr. V gathers Teresa, her brother Joe, and Melissa on the couch in Lake George, and they’re being forced to pour their hearts out to each other. Teresa cries and squeals as she explains to her brother that she doesn’t just want to fix things with him —she needs to fix things with Melissa.
Melissa, wiping the impatience off her face, says she’s willing to meet Teresa halfway. Teresa starts crying again, and her voice goes up about eight octaves as she tells Melissa that, “I love you. I’m serious.” There’s no way of telling when Dr. V shows emotion, but based on her lip-pursing and slow, thoughtful nodding, she’s very pleased with the work she’s done… and the check she’s getting out of this.
Next on the to-do list is bring in Joe Giudice. Teresa drags him to the couch, and it’s clear her husband just wants to half-ass this and go home. He says Joe Gorga started the fight the other day, and that he starts trouble because he’s “insecure.” Dr. V asks if he thinks Teresa can’t defend herself, to which he mumbles about Teresa being her own woman or whatever. After some more thoughtful nodding, Dr. V waves her wand of forgiveness and the two men star to hug each other. It’s almost startling how well this trip is turning out. Can she represent the Giudices in federal court?
Meanwhile, the rest of the group is outside drinking and playing in the snow. Just as Rich goes on and on about Dr. V is using her breasts to get things done inside, she appears. Yes, Dr. V’s time with us has come to an end, as she heads into her car and drives off into the sunset. Kathy is angry, because she was under the impression that Dr. V would let her have her time with Teresa, too. Once again she feels pushed aside, this time by the woman whose jugs her husband seems to be enamored with.
Although she never got to face her issues with Teresa the way she was hoping to, the two get a few seconds at the table to half-heartedly tell each other that they want to get along as a family. In her interview, Caroline says, “Part of me wishes Jacqueline was here, because there’s something magical about Dr. V.” An education. That’s what it is.
The men and Rosie go ice fishing, and Rich lets his douche flag fly once again as he starts talking about who won the fight the other day and, of course, Rosie’s hair below the belt.
Thankfully, we cut to the ladies, who are all in the kitchen making dinner. Well, Teresa, Kathy, and Caroline are making dinner. Melissa pours everyone drinks, and she treats herself to more than her fair share of vodka. In her interview, she says that they deserve a cocktail right now… or four. Or five.
At the dinner table, Melissa drunkenly says that she’s got Kathy “analyzed,” and knows that she had to be one of the quiet girls in high school who was a closet “whore. Whore. WHOOOORE!” Kathy looks like she’s about to lovingly cut Melissa, and Rich tells Joe Gorga to “control your wife!”
Joe Giudice says that he thought Jacqueline and Chris were going to be there, so he brought a bottle of the wine they made together, and asks Caroline to drop it off to them when they all get home. Teresa admits in her interview that she misses Jacqueline, and she knows Joe misses Chris. Rich tells Joe that he’s the reason he’s friends with Chris, and that he suggest that he and Teresa drop the bottle of wine over to their house in person. “You could iron things out in a heartbeat.”
Back in New Jersey, Jacqueline and Chris are having a date night. She says how happy she is to not be up at Lake George with everyone as she sips on a giant glass of wine not made by her and the Giudices. They start talking about CJ, and how Chris thinks he caught him masturbating. Chris then talks about his own “first time,” and in her interview, Jacqueline says she’s throwing out all the socks in the house. Yeah, that’s probably a fantastic idea.
Back at the castle of friendship and hugs, Rosie makes everyone do trust falls in the living room. Rich predictably uses this as an opportunity to grab Rosie’s boobs as she falls back onto him. Melissa decides to have Joe Giudice fall on her, and she refuses to take off her heels beforehand. She insists she’s fine because she’s “on some diva s***,” but the diva s*** doesn’t keep her from collapsing under Juicy Joe’s weight.
When Teresa asks Caroline to do a trust fall with her, Caroline says she’ll do it under one condition: “If one day I get to see you and Jacqueline do it.” Teresa, definitely caught off guard, starts to tear up. Teresa agrees, but says she might need time. And just like that, Caroline falls back into Teresa’s newly loving embrace.
Back on the dinner date, Chris asks Jacqueline if she thinks she and Teresa will ever go back to the way things were. Jacqueline says she has no desire to be friends with Teresa again, and says how annoying it is that even on their date, they talking about “these morons.”
The episode closes with Teresa crying to her husband about Jacqueline. Joe tells her that, “You gotta step over that rock and move on to the next rock. Building’s gotta get destroyed to get knocked down. Friendship is the same thing.” They both start to cry, either because they miss the Lauritas, or because they can’t believe Joe just turned into Mister Miyagi. Or both.
