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Real Housewives Of New Jersey: She Who Shall Be Called ‘Evil’

By Karen Malmquist

IS JACQUELINE LAURITA THE NEW VILLAIN ON REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY? Probably not, but that’s how Teresa wants her to appear on the latest episode.

According to the soon-to-be-jailed Giudice, Jacqueline’s “crazy” and “evil,” and her bad ways are supposedly about to come to light very, very soon.

In the meantime, Melissa visits Joe at his work site, where he has her try out a giant tractor-y thing, apparently called a backhoe. After almost plowing over her children, Melissa hops out as Joe gets a conveniently-timed phone call from Sizzle Tans, asking them to do a billboard together. Melissa knows better than to “copy” Teresa, who’s done a commercial for them in the past. We all remember Teresa stiffly saying “I tan. I spray. At Sizzle Tans.” on the local ad, and would rather not keep the cycle of humiliation in the family.

After shutting down her participation in the billboard, Melissa joins Caroline at Jacqueline’s house, where they fill her in on the retreat. Jacqueline isn’t buying the whole “Teresa is a changed woman” junk they’re telling her, but reluctantly agrees to give her a chance if she wants to make-up. However, they do remind Jacqueline that at the start of the retreat, Teresa was fuming over Jacqueline’s tweet about “arguing with morons.” No surprise, the tweet was about Teresa.

Teresa is getting ready for Sunday dinner at her house, and the Gorgas are on their way over. As Teresa scolds Milania for playing with knives in the kitchen, her cousins arrive, and she runs into Antonia’s arms. Don’t worry, she put the butcher knife down before hugging her.

In the kitchen, Teresa and Melissa talk about how nice is it to have the family together again, and Melissa says in a creepy-cheery tone, “Keep being a good little girl and then we could always be friends.”

Joe comes over and tells Teresa that he’ll be doing the Sizzle Tans ad (without Melissa, of course), and she is surprisingly supportive. Maybe one day their kids can all star in a Sizzle ad together. That is, if Milania is willing to share the spotlight. We gotta watch out for that one.

Melissa tells Teresa about her visit with Jacqueline, and tells her about the deal she made with Caroline in Lake George. Teresa says she’s just over it now, but Joe tells her that ten years of friendship “means something.” In her interview, Teresa says she’s having a tough time getting past Jacqueline’s reunion show claim that Teresa told her Joe Giudice was cheating on her. But she doesn’t stop there. She adds that while Danielle Staub and Dina Manzo were on the show, Jacqueline went after both of them, digging up any dirt she could about the ladies. Those were the days, huh?

Albie and Chris are working on opening their restaurant in Hoboken, and Caroline warns Albie that he shouldn’t overwork himself, to which Al responds to lay off their kids for once. Later in the night, Albie tells her that he’s worried about her and Al’s marriage, and lets her know that he doesn’t think she’s overbearing. Well, that’s one person.

Rosie decides to seemingly bring everyone to a lesbian bar to help her pick up women. Does it sound like a good idea? No. After weeding through the crowd, Rich, the least classy out of everyone there, somehow finds a nice, normal woman for Rosie to talk with. Instead of seeing their actual conversation, there’s just a drunken montage of Rosie babbling to her. She says she’s like “fried green tomatoes with a slice of bacon on top” before giving out her number. She’s nothing if not memorable, I’ll give her that.

The next day, Melissa is at her book cover shoot, which takes place on the staircase in her house. Of course science has proven that you can’t have wind onside of a house, but that doesn’t stop Melissa from asking the photographer to turn the fan up to 11. On the other side of town, Joe’s equally unrealistic Sizzle Tans shoot is taking place, and instead of having Melissa to pose with, there’s a 20-something model.

Sizzle Tans may not be the most elite spot in New Jersey, but you gotta give them props for their turnaround time. Only seconds after Joe’s photo shoot, the billboard is already up (Okay, maybe it’s not seconds in the real world, but still), and little Gino is already throwing pint-sized shade at his dad over it. “Congratulations, stupid. It’s just a billboard.”

While Jacqueline is out shopping with CJ, she gets a call from Teresa, who says, “Hi, Jacqueline. It’s your favorite friend!” That’s enough to make your hair stand on end. She tells Jacqueline that she’s not looking to be friends again, but just wants to “normalize” things. Jacqueline says she and Joe are welcome to come over talk if she wants talk and get something off her chest. They agree on what Teresa calls a “mutual” location, and they separately prepare themselves to swallow their pride and not kill each other.

After getting advice from Caroline to just respect Teresa, and telling her “that’s all the relationship has to be,” Jacqueline and Chris head over to the Brick House Restaurant. Chris and Joe head to the bar, where their own relationship is smoothed over almost instantly. For the men on this show, all it takes is to say, “S*** happens,” and agree to put the past behind them. For Teresa and Jacqueline, it’s gonna take a little more than that.

Teresa tries to tell Jacqueline that when they briefly made up in Napa, it was genuine, but Jacqueline claims to have overheard Teresa saying she hated her later that day. While Teresa says it would’ve been better for Jacqueline to talk to her first, she jumps right into throwing the blame around for Strippergate. She will always blame Jacqueline for somehow “setting Melissa up” at the end of last season. Nevermind that there’s footage of Teresa knowing all about it and watching Kim D. devise a plan to do the said setting up.

Teresa then says she’s mad at Jacqueline for saying Teresa told her that Joe was cheating, and Jacqueline says, “We both said very hurtful things. Boundaries were definitely crossed.” Jacqueline owns up to tweeting more than she should, and adds that Teresa was acting like a “sociopath” while they were on the phone in the clothing store a few episodes ago. In her interview, Teresa says that Jacqueline is only calling her a sociopath because “she doesn’t have anything on me.”

It seems like Teresa doesn’t have anything on Jacqueline, either, because all she manages to call her is evil. Jacqueline says they’ve known each other long enough to know that’s not true, and Teresa leaves us on a massive cliffhanger by cryptically saying, “I feel like you want to say something, but you’re holding back.” The episode unfortunately fades to black as Jacqueline looks for the right words to hit back with. Not shown: Joe and Chris likely playing pool and high-fiving each other out of happiness for their conflict resolving abilities.