FRANTIC

Here’s Frantic 911 Call After Usher’s Son Nearly Drowned

By Elizabeth Coady

TMZ GOT ITS HOT HANDS ON THE FRANTIC 911 CALL placed by Rena Oden for help after Usher’s 5-year-old Usher Raymond V nearly drowned in the R&B singer’s pool. Oden is breathless as she calls for help for the boy whose arm was reportedly got stuck in a pool drain about 6 p.m. Monday.

“I couldn’t get him. I tried to get him,’ Oden gasps to the 911 operator. Many commentators at TMZ are horrified that the audio’s been released, but the real news is how fast the online tab got a hold of it.

INTO THE DEEP

Pretty Little Liars: Eyes Wide Shut

By Karen Malmquist

IT’S MORE MONEY AND MONA PROBLEMS on Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars. If Ashley wants to get out of jail, she’s going to need a serious chunk of change, but when Jenna ends up unconscious in the lake, we’re reminded that Red Coat is out for blood.

Mona is being questioned. She talks about how she snuck out of Radley many times, and explains why she “killed” Wilden. According to her, Wilden was being blackmailed Because she knew he killed Garrett. When the investigator says she could’ve gotten away with the crime if she hadn’t confessed, Mona starts to cry and explains that she can’t let her best friend’s mom go to jail for a crime she didn’t commit. When he leaves, Mona stops crying and straightens up. Mona could really channel her psychopathic tendencies into an acting career.

BREAKING BAD

Daft Punk Cancels On The Colbert Report, Colbert Makes Own Luck

By Elizabeth Coady

AN INTERNECINE FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO ‘GET LUCKY,’ or specifically to hear Daft Punk play its disco-fused ode to frucking, forced the French electronica duo Daft Punk to dump its scheduled appearance at The Colbert Report‘s ” “StePhest Colbchella” festival.

Seems MTV had the synth pop duo signed to make a surprise appearance at the MTV Video Music Awards airing August 25. Wanting to protect the rating advantage for its upcoming broadcast, MTV invoked an exclusivity clause, forcing the duo to cancel on Colbert at the last minute.

WHACK

Irony of $400 ‘Unemployed’ Sweater Gets Lost On Europeans

By Miz J

IRONY FAIL: HIPSTER EDITION.

French fashion label Le Léon has recalled a $400 cashmere sweater emblazoned with “Chômeur” — the French word for “unemployed.” Geez, who woulda thought people would be upset about a shirt?! The company founder said the sweaters were meant to “denounce unemployment and the gloomy economic climate in Europe.”

HOOFING IT ON TWO WHEELS

Beyoncé Peddles It To Gig At Barclays Center

By Miz J

BEYONCE’S TRANSITION TO Brooklyn hipster is now complete: last night, she hopped on her fixed-gear bike and cruised over to her show at the Barclay’s Center. What’s that you say? “Pics or it didn’t happen?” Oh, okay.

LIVING ONSCREEN

James Gandolfini Is Unlikely Romantic Hero In ‘Enough Said’

THE BIG SCREEN BELIES every actor’s fate, and here James Gandolfini looms large in the trailer for one of his last performances in Enough Said.

Gandolfini, who died suddenly in June, stars in the romantic comedy as a divorced dad starting an awkward romance with physician therapist [Julia Louis-Dreyfus] whose new client just happens to be friends with his insufferable ex-wife. “Why do I feel like I just spent the evening with my ex-wife?,” Gandolfini’s character Albert asks his girlfriend Eva, who’s become the emotional depository for every ill feeling held by his ex.

DEAD MEN DO TELL TALES

Dead People Donated $600K To Political Candidates

By Elizabeth Coady

THEY MIGHT BE THE LAST SPECIAL INTEREST GROUP without a voice, but even the dead make political contributions.

USA Today reports that 32 “deceased” people have donated “more than $586,000 to congressional and presidential candidates and political parties since Jan. 1, 2009.”

WHAT’S SHE HIDING?

By Elizabeth Coady

YOU’D THINK SOMEBODY WHO ROMPS NEAR NAKED IN BARS, PRACTICES DRUNK DIETING, and glories in outrageous getups would be an open book.

But Stefani Joanne Angelina ‘Lady Gaga’ Germanotta has secrets.

THE JOKE’S ON THEM

EARNESTNESS IS ITS OWN REWARD, BUT TOO MUCH can grow tiresome for those who like cheeky fun. Counteracting that criticism is surely what inspired Mumford & Sons’ latest video spoofing their relentlessly soulful ardor.

In the new video for Hopeless Wanderer, comedians Ed Helms, Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Will Forte stand-ins for Marcus, Ben, Ted & Winston. Sporting the same country-folk fashions as the British foursome, the comics feign playing instruments, longing glances, salty tears — and even a few homoerotic kisses.

‘EXPANDING CONSCIOUSNESS’

By Elizabeth Coady

“WHEN MY LIFE IS OVER, I WANT TO HAVE LEFT A TRACE,”‘ SAYS Stefan Günther of Germany, explaining why he’s willing to leave his wife and three children to live permanently on the planet Mars.

“…This is what drives me,” he says in One Way Astronaut, a short film exploring Bas Lansdorp’s Mars One mission to settle Mars. “With a mission like this you will make your mark. For the children and grandchildren, to make sure you don’t fade away. So people in the future may say, ‘He was among the first to go to Mars.’ ”

Günther, 44, is one of the 78,000 people who’ve applied to be part of Lansdorp’s plan to colonize the Red Planet. The mission — or science fiction, depending on your point of view, is the “most important thing going on in the world today,” according to Robert Zubrin, president of the Mars Society.