‘REALITY’ THREATENS
Kourtney & Kim Take New York: The Marriage Plot Thickens
A FAMOUS SOUTHERN TRUE CRIME AUTHOR once summed up being married this way to me: All you do is sit around and listen to each other fart. That was 20 years ago and Wikipedia informs that he’s still married to the same woman, which means they’ve endured an awful lot of bad smells over the years.
My ex-colleague’s words leaped to mind as I watched the season premiere of Kourtney and Kim Take New York which despite glamorous subjects, fast editing and poppin’ music fails to mask the infuriating (and sometimes embarrassing) indignities of marriage.
We get to hear Kris Humphries fart; get to vicariously clean up Kourtney’s anal discharge from an oil enema; get to watch Kourtney clumsily dabble in naked yoga; get to hear the fissures in both K girls’ relationships.
Seems the arrival of little Mason has put the kabosh on lovin’ between Kourtney and Scott, who’s feeling put out by inattention of his baby momma who sleeps in a separate bed. “I miss the intimacy that we used to have,” Scott pines aloud. “I hope that Kourtney and I can remember why we fell in love and not be so distant from one another. I wouldn’t mind trying to get back to that. I’m not sure how.” Don’t worry Scott — that’s what Season’s Three for. But who will get to tell him that carrying the diaper bag might help bring back those loving feelings? That alcohol affects performance in the bedroom?
Of course, the new season tosses NBA player Kris Humphries into this sticky wicket of a reality stew and asks him to make peace with ever-present video cameras. But Kris is not crazy, and despite his obvious lust for Kim, the liviing arrangements make him feel less than the master of his domain.He gets ticked off when he’s forced to stay longer than he’d like at a party celebrating the K girls; gets miffed when little Mason wakes him up at 7am, gets outright hostile when he confronts a naked Yoga instructor leading the ladies through some downward dogs in his apartment. Kris flees to a bar, and the next morning tells Kim that he he loves her but…he needs to leave, to retreat to Minneapolis so he can resume his daily workouts without disruption and drama.
If these early clues add up to anything, it seems that Kris helped unplug his reality TV marriage. Because even contrived parties, Kim’s beauty and Kourtney’s kale pasties can’t obscure the fact that marriage can be a soul-sucking covenant. Particularly when it’s televised.
The takeaway lesson? It’s how you breathe, process, deal with uncomfortable feelings and challenges that move you from wedding to marriage. Kim and Kris clearly weren’t ready, as if anybody ever is.
But there’s a silver lining: E! can repackage the show to deter young people from rushing into marriage before they know what it takes to make it work: patience, compromise and the ability to tolerate bad smells.
