BABY, BABY, BABY OH

Jersey Shore Recap: Trouble With Jionni’s Balls

By Karen Malmquist

NO AMOUNT OF RON RON JUICE could make Thursday’s Jersey Shore any less awkward for the roommates, as Vinnie and Jionni come face-to-face for Nicole’s baby shower, and formerShore villain Angelina and current “Where Are They Now?” answer runs into the gang. Oh, and apparently “bug pregnancy” is a thing.

It’s no secret that Ronnie is not the biggest fan of Jionni. In the past he’s criticized him for not being there for his pregnant fiancé, who is currently living alone and having to everything for herself, except a roommate takes her to her check-ups. “There’s other people that can collect the bats” he snarks. Nicole tells Deena that while she thinks Jionni playing softball is sexy (because nothing screams “manhood” like a women’s sport), it’s annoying how he’s always gone because of tournaments. Ronnie, not amused by what Nicole’s saying, tries to cheer her up by inviting the meatballs out for some food at Jimbo’s. They decline, as this is their girl’s day. When is Ron not one of the girls, though?

Defeated, Ron does the only thing he knows how to do: embrace his inner gorilla. He throws on a gorilla suit that must’ve just come with the house, and decides to have some fun by scaring Jenni. He goes into her room while she’s sleeping, scares her, and then jumps around like a happy giant monkey when he sees he’s freaked out Jenni. She recovers, though, as MTV gives us a gratuitous shot of her taking forever to put her bra on.

Ron and the rest of the roommates minus the meatballs go to Jimbo’s for dinner (tonight’s episode, sponsored by Jimbo’s?), and, no surprise, Jionni is a hot topic. None of them seem to appreciate Nicole’s fiancé, saying how frustrating it is that she’s alone during her pregnancy.

Meanwhile, the meatballs do dinner at Luna Rose the only way they know how to: by going waaay overboard with the sex talk. Over a nice spread of lobster and salad, Deena asks Nicole if bugs could crawl up someone’s vagina. Would they be able to lay eggs and make someone pregnant? Is she insinuating that Nicole could be pregnant with a bug?

That night, Mike is out in full force (as much as he can be while sober), and behaves exactly the same way he did when he was dating Paula for that one week: by loving all the non-Paula female attention’s getting. And oh, big surprise! Paula is there, watching over him like a very confused, mentally special hawk. Mike does tell her how hot she looks, and she manages to say something back to him. She leaves him alone for a second, but then comes back to try and steal him away from his desperate-to-be-on-TV girl.

Jionni returns from the void he spends most of his time to take Nicole shopping for baby supplies. Deena and Sammi manage to pull him aside while Nicole’s not looking to tell him not to go shopping. They must be cluing him in on their elaborate plans for the surprise baby shower, although it’s not clear why Nicole can’t leave the premises.

While Nicole and Jionni are at dinner, Jenni tries to convince Vinny to attend the baby shower. He’s not feeling it. While he is happy for Nicole, he thinks that she and Jionni probably wouldn’t want him there.

That night at Merge, the gang is having good, clean fun. Jenni manages to rip her pants, and Mike aimlessly wanders through the existential void that is being sober at a New Jersey nightclub. Out of nowhere here’s Angelina, who can’t be that surprised to see the gang again, because if you cross the threshold of a nightclub that the show is filming at, you have to sign a waiver first. She explains to Mike that she’s grown up since fighting everyone in the house in seasons one and two, and her subsequent release of the song “I’m Hot”. She’s “grown up”, and wants the world to know. Mike agrees to accept her 10,000 apologies for her behavior in the past, secretly hoping that the former “Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” (her words) will never return. Mike breathes a sigh of relief when she finally leaves him alone.

Vinny walks home alone, but is quickly approached by two hot girls who want to bone. He’s game and takes them both home. Too bad for Vinny, though, because Jenni and Roger are already in the smush room.

The next day, it’s time to prepare for the baby shower. The girls start decorating the house, which turns out to be the biggest struggle of their lives, thanks to having massive hangovers and their décor instructions being printed in a foreign language.

When the baby shower finally begins, Nicole, who had no idea this was coming, is an emotional mess. All over her friends and family from home are here. There’s a flashback to when we first meet Nicole in season one, which yanks on the heartstrings of anyone with a soul. The guys, however, are totally bored.
We’re left with something of a cliffhanger when Vinny grows a pair and asks Jionni step outside with him so they can talk. Chances are this won’t be a huge blow-out like Sam and Jenni fought in season two, but an exchange of words will do.