LAUGHS AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE!

Here’s To The Fun-Sized: Brooklyn Bar Plans ‘Smallest Penis’ Contest

HERE’S TO THE LITTLE PRICKS, THE FUN-SIZED, THE BETAS, the three-inch fools, the ones who get shamed by the King Ding-A-Lings.

Here’s a chance for the less-endowed to grow some and stand tall in defense of their …manhoods: On July 20, Brooklyn’s King’s County Bar will hold a “Smallest Penis Contest” to prove that ” good things can come in small packages.”

The Craigslist pitch goes thusly:

Now taking applications for contestants in the first Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant, to be held July 20th. There will be cash prizes for the top finishers, as well as the coveted Smallest Penis in Brooklyn title and crown.
You must be over 21 and available in Brooklyn on the day of the competition. No photo or remote entries will be accepted.

This is a pageant style competition, and will involve talent, evening wear, and swimsuit elements. Nudity is not required, but you should be comfortable getting hosed down while wearing only skimpy underwear (we will provide the underwear!) You will have a chance to tell your story as well show your stuff.

In a keen display of the obvious, a contest planner tells Huffington Post that the pageant is “for confident people with a sense of humor.” Contestants will be judged by a “a small member expert panel.”

Still, we wonder if by entering contestants aren’t becoming tools of their…tools, and perpetuating stereotypes as defined by Urban Dictionary, which states “such men often exploit self-deprecating small penis jokes in order pre-empt harsher criticism from others. Simultaneously, they typically seek to induce feelings of compassion in their listeners, esp. in members of the feminine gender.”

So, feeling lucky? Interested parties and the cruelest of jokesters can contact [email protected] to enter.