WHACK WEDNESDAY

Jon Hamm’s Penis Problem, Dionne Warwick’s Bankruptcy & Kim Kardashian’s Odd Shoutout

By Miz J

‘DON’ JON HAMM RESENTS THE FANDOM THAT HAS RISEN AROUND HIS PENIS. We almost got treated to a literal sneak peek of Don Draper’s pecker this season — until AMC put the spank on that. Turns out Jon Hamm’s…er, privates were becoming public, on account of the tight-ass late 60s pants his character has to sport on the show. Which naturally spawned several nicknames for Jon’s junk, like Hammaconda—-along with many, many, many Tumblr accounts on the subject. “”Most of it’s tongue-in-cheek,” Hamm told Rolling Stone. “But it is a little rude. It just speaks to a broader freedom that people feel like they have — a prurience….They’re called privates for a reason.” Still, he admits, “it’s better than being called out for the opposite.”

CONSEQUENCES

Snooki & Jwoww: Crash

By Karen Malmquist

NOT SINCE THE HANGOVER has a night on the town resulted in so much destruction. Yes, on Tuesday’s new Snooki & J-Woww, things got very, very heavy for the girls and their fiancés after letting loose for Nicole’s first night of fun in over 10 months.

Now that the night is over, Jenni stumbles into bed with Roger, and it is unclear what exactly she is rambling about.

Nicole plops into bed with Jionni (who’s cuddling with Lorenzo) close to 4am, when he tells her she stinks like cigarettes. Well, Jionni told her that. Not Lorenzo. She then moves to the couch, but Jionni has her come back to bed.

UNCOUPLING

Atlanta Housewife Porsha Stewart To Divorce Ex-NFL Ballplayer

By Karen Malmquist

BY NOW MOST OF THE Real Housewives of Atlanta fandom have heard the news that Porsha and Kordell Stewart are kaput. Anyone with eyes and ears saw the couple hit some turmoil towards the end of season five, which concludes on Sunday.

Throughout the season, the other Housewives noticed signs of Kordell’s possible controlling behavior of Porsha, especially with her constantly saying she has to ask him for permission to do anything besides be a stay-at-home housewife. Viewers recently saw Porsha break down when Kordell told her she could either choose to be a mother or have a career — but not both.

LETTING HIS FREAK FLY

Credit: CBS Philadelphia

Not The ‘Dour’ Buzz Bissinger I Used To Know

By Trisha B.

CLOTHES MAKE OR BREAK THE MAN. And by that criterion, writer Buzz Bissinger is a real man.

Now, instead of saying it takes a real man to wear a pink shirt, I’ll say it takes a real man to rock 5-inch Jimmy Choo boots, a $13,900 Gucci ostrich skin jacket and $5,600 leather pants.

Buzz, a highly acclaimed author (his website says so!), is all the buzz today due to a GQ article revealing his luxury clothing addiction. And when I say addiction, I mean ADDICTION. Dude spent over $600,000 on clothes in two years!

‘TRUE STORY’

David Letterman Banned Harmony Korine For Snooping In Meryl Streep’s Purse

By Elizabeth C.

JAMES FRANCO CONSIDERS HARMONY KORINE AN “ARTIST.” But during the actor’s visit to The Late Show Monday, Letterman painted the offbeat director in different terms: snoop.

Franco stars in Korine’s latest film, Spring Breakers and during a visit with Letterman to promote the movie, Franco told Letterman that he “heard” that Korine was banned from the talk show shortly before his fourth appearance — and Letterman revealed why.

“I went upstairs to greet Meryl Streep and welcome her to the show, and I knock on the door and she was not in there,” Letterman revealed. “And I looked around, and she was not in there, and I found Harmony going through her purse. True story. And so I said, ‘That’s it, put her things back in her bag and then get out.’”

MAKING ROOM

Hip-Hop Stars Increasingly Vocal About Supporting Gay Rights

By Jacob Wittich

WHILE THE SUPREME COURT WEIGHS THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE In a case that could potentially grant same-sex marriage to US citizens, hip-hop also faces a revolution when it comes to the topic of same-sex relations.

The latest to chime in on this movement is rapper A$AP Rocky, who — despite hip-hop’s history of homophobia — expressed support for the gay community in a recent interview with designer Alexander Wang for Interview.

“It’s 2013, and it’s a shame that, to this day, that topic still gets people all excited,” A$AP said. “It’s crazy. And it makes me upset that this topic even matters when it comes to hip-hop, because it makes it seem like everybody in hip-hop is small-minded or stupid — and that’s not the case. We’ve got people like Jay-Z. We’ve got people like Kanye. We’ve got people like me. We’re all prime examples of people who don’t think like that.”

PRISONER OF DOUBT

‘Accidental Ingénue’ Amanda Knox Faces Retrial For Sensational Murder

By Elizabeth C.

ITALY’S COURTS AREN’T THREW WITH AMANDA “FOXY” KNOX: the country’s high court has overturned her acquittal and ordered a new trial for her alleged murder of her 21-year-old British roommate.

Knox was one of three suspects charged with the death of her Meredith Kercher, found stabbed to death underneath a duvet in 2007 in Perugia, Italy. Prosecutors claimed that she was killed during deviant sexual play between Knox, her boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito and a third name named Rudy Guede.

The perverse allegations, combined with Knox’s beauty, turned the murder trial into a sensation in Italy, and Knox, then 20, was convicted with Sollecito in December 2009. (Guede was tried separately and found guilty and was sentenced to 16 years in prison.) But an Italian court threw out convictions against both Knox and Sollecito 18 month ago, and Knox returned to her home in Seattle after spending four years in prison.

SEASON’S ‘FINAL ACT’

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: The Ladies ‘Bring It’

By Karen Malmquist

ADRIENNE MALOOF’S noticeably absent but that doesn’t mean there’s any less tension at the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Andy Cohen kicks it off by announcing that Adrienne not only won’t be at the reunion, but she won’t be on the next season of the show. He says, “Adrienne’s final act as a Housewife was not showing up tonight.” This is apparently news to the other ladies. Brandi and Lisa are obviously a bit relieved, because not only will Adrienne be gone, but hopefully there will now be less Faye haunting their daily lives.

SUCK UP ALL THEIR LOVE

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Some Love Conquers All

By Karen Malmquist

LET THEM EAT CAKE! The jig is up for season three ofReal Housewives of Beverly Hills, and that’s not the only thing that’s over with the ladies this season.

We’re back at the Vanderpump’s wedding anniversary party/ vow renewal ceremony, and Faye’s just told Brandi that she ruined Adrienne’s family. Yolanda and Brandi are still fuming over her ridiculous claims, and Jennifer comes over to encourage Brandi to peacefully continue her conversation with Marisa. Ever the peacemaker, Jen asks Marisa to come back. When Marisa approaches them, she says she understands that it was a bad idea to share Brandi’s “hall pass” text with everyone, and she seems to make up with her and Yolanda. Well, after Yolanda makes a speech about how friends should always stick up for each other and be nice and hold hands and braid each other’s hair.

OVERREACHING?

By Elizabeth C.

PERHAPS A SHORT MAN BOUGHT IT?

AN 18th Century diamond-and sapphire engagement ring that Napoleon Bonaparte bestowed upon Josephine de Beauharnais has sold at auction for close to $1 million — 47 times the highest estimate of $20,000.

“In my wildest dreams, I did not think we would outsell the estimate by more than 47 times,” Osenat auctioneer Emily Villane declared. “We based the estimates in our catalog on the actual market value of the ring, minus Napoleon and Josephine provenance. It is not our job to tell bidders how much they should pay for the historical premium.”

But during “15 minutes of relentless bidding” Sunday, the price skyrocketed to $949,000. With a 25 percent commission, the anonymous winning bidder will pay $1.17 million. The opposing tear-shaped stones, in a “toi et moi” setting, weigh about two carats total.