I GIVE IT A 10 BECAUSE YOU CAN DANCE TO THE BEAT

Here’s The Presidential Debate In Song — I Give It A 10 Because You Can Dance To It

By Elizabeth C.

MISSED LAST IGHT’S FIRST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE BETWEEN OBAMA AND ROMNEY? Don’t sweat it: here’s a much more entertaining version that synthesizes salient debate point into song.

Watching this version makes the political stakes so much more palatable to swallow. Plus you can dance to it!

WTF

Mariah Carey Hires Extra Security Because Nicki Minaj Threatens to “Shoot Her”

By Elizabeth C.

THIS SHIT IS GETTIN’ REAL, YA’LL: Mariah Carey tells The View‘s Barbara Walters that she’s hired extra security because of Nicki Minaj’s threats against her.

Minaj went ballistic over Carey’s alleged high-handedness during auditions for American Idol‘s 12th season tryouts in Charleston, S.C. The blow-up was caught on tape and released on
TMZ.

A MANY SPLINTERED THING

Love Celebrity Style: RobStew Rekindles, Rihanna & Chris Suck Face, George & Stacy Crack?

By Elizabeth C.

LOVE IS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOUR SORRY, AT LEAST IF YOU’RE lucky enough to be Robert Pattinson or Rihanna. The actor famous for sucking blood and the singer infamous for sucking face (with chris Brown) have both been recently spotted with the lovers who done them wrong.

RIDING COATTAILS

Solange’s Losing You: Hypnotically Banal

By Elizabeth C.

SHHHH! Let me whisper something in your ear that you can pass along at the risk of being “uncool”: Solange’s new song Losing You is a soothingly banal and derivative piece of pop.

On the other hand, I could luxuriate in the music video’s cool washed out visuals all day.

AMERICAN IDOL WARS

Nicki Minaj Throws Hissy Fit After Mariah Carey Goes “Ghetto”

By Elizabeth C.

MEOW! Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj are bringing the hate to the 12th season of American Idol. The two prissy divas came close to scratching each other’s eyes out during auditions in Charlotte, N.C., auditions Tuesday.

According to MouthToEars, the Glitter singer was “get[ting] ghetto” with Minaj when the pink mopped star blew.

JUST WHAT YOU WANTED

By Elizabeth C.

SO DANNY ZUKO wasn’t kidding when he told Sandy Olsson that their love was “only the beginning.” Nearly 35 years after the two first shimmied sexily on screen, Grease‘s John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John are marrying their vocals on This Christmas, a “fantastically cheesy” holiday album.

RECREATIONAL BREAK

Here’s Filipino Criminals Getting Reformed Gangnam Style

By Elizabeth C.

NOW THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY TO REFORM THIEVES, DRUG DEALERS AND DOMESTIC TERRORISTS: force them to watch Psy’s eye-popping Gangnam Style over and over again and then mimic its captivating horsey dance.

On Sept. 29, about a thousand Filipino inmates at the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC) “entertained guests with their ecstatic adoption” of the world’s most liked video.

SELF-ABSORPTION IS CONTAGIOUS?

Real Housewives Of New York: Narcissism Is A Disease

By Trisha B.

WE PICK UP THIS WEEK AT ONE OF THOSE New York table tennis places co-founded by actress Susan Sarandon, SPiN. In other words – ping pong. We learn Carole’s dead ex was the VP of HBO’s documentary division and this is a fundraising tournament in his honor. Boy, is she a gal around town or what?

TOTAL RECALL

Is Arnold Schwarzenegger Lying — Or Groveling?

By Elizabeth C.

TMZ’S BEEN SQUAWKING FOR DAYS about Maria Shriver and friends’ reaction to 60 Minutes interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger on his new book, Total Recall.

“Friends Call ‘BULLSH*T’ on Arnold” one headline reads. “ARNOLD TO MARIA: MY BOOK, MY MONEY,” harrumphs another.

“YOU TICK TICK TICK ME OFF!,” shrieks another article in which a source claims Leslie Stahl performed journalistic fellatio on Ahnold.

NO REGRETS

You Can’t Shame Them: Christina Aguilera, John Travolta

By Elizabeth C.

HERE’S A LESSON FOR XTINA AND JOHN TRAVOLTA HATERS OUT THERE: It’s gonna take a lot more than fat-shaming and masseur outings to turn their worlds upside down. You can’t shame them; both say they’re through with regret.