STILL ELUDING FANS

Even On eBay, Big Foot Eludes Hunters

Staff

SEEMS $80,400 ISN’T ENOUGH TO SNARE THE SASQUATCH.

A model of the mythic Big Foot was up for sale on eBay but closed early this morning after buyers failed to bid up to the model’s reserve price. The final bid: $80,400.

Prince Jr. Joins The Jackson Family Fray — Outs Janet As Part Of Conspiracy

By Elizabeth C.

A TMZ COMMENTATOR APTLY EXCLAIMS: Janet Jackson = PWNED!

Twists and turns in the Jackson family drama are coming faster than curves on Lombard Street in San Francisco. We go to bed with word from Katherine Jackson saying she’s heading home; we wake up to Prince Jr. outing Janet Jackson as a conniving aunt against her brother’s children.

By this morning Katherine had arrived back home, prompting Paris to tweet: “grandma’s here! #thankyougod,” the 14-year-old wrote early Thursday, adding: “5 hours of sleep last night, been awake for 23 … time to #hibernate.”

Prince, a.k.a. Michael Jackson Jr., spoke out today for the first time since the family drama began about 10 days ago with his grandma.

NO PLACE TO HIDE

Kristen Stewart Comes Clean, Issues Apology To RPatz

By Elizabeth C.

KRISTEN STEWART HAS ISSUED A STATEMENT APOLOGIZING TO ROBERT PATTINSON FOR CANOODLING WITH Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders.

“I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected,” the 22-year-old actress said in a statement. “This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.”

NEWS IN SHORT

Whack Wednesday: Carly Rae Calls The PoPo, Chick-fil-A One-Ups The Muppets & “Killer” Groupies

By Miz J

CALL ME MAYBE SINGER CARLY RAE JEPSEN is definitely calling the police — and frequently — over some stolen nude pics.

So far, there’s little actual news here; the “hacker” may or may not be shopping the pics around. The cops may or may not know who the “hacker” actually is. Which leads us to wonder what Jepsen really expects the regular police to do about this.

SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN

Shock After Kristen Stewart Shatters The Fairytale

By Elizabeth C.

A WISE GUIDO ONCE SAID TO HIS KNOCKED-UP FRIEND contemplating marriage: “That’s one penis for the rest of your life!”

Those sage words were uttered by noNE other than Jersey Shore‘s Vinny Guadagnino to a pregnant Snooki contemplating marriage. She’s a meatball used to soaking any spicy sauce she fancies — and now she’s going to settle for Ragu for the rest of her life? This scenario is not gonna go down well in the soupy mix known as the Jersey coastline.

And yet, here we are, the day after Us Weekly and People revealed that Kristen Stewart got sultry with her Snow White And The Huntsman director Rupert Sanders, and people are just shocked!, shocked! that the hussy cheated on shiny vampire boy Robert Pattinson. “He would never in a million years cheat on Kristen,” an insider tells Hollywood Life, which claims that RPatz is crushed by the news.

The news even provoked Stewart to release a public statement about her indiscretion: “I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry,” Stewart said in a statement Wednesday.

GONE & GONE

Milestones: Sherman Helmsley Dead, William Balfour Convicted

By Elizabeth C.

ACTOR SHERMAN HELMSLEY, WHO PLAYED THE EGOTISTICAL, LOUDMOUTHED AND UPWARDLY MOBILE drycleaning mogul on the sitcom The Jeffersons, died today at his home in Texas. He was 74.

Born in Philadelphia, Helmsley quit high school, joined the U.S. Air Force and became prominent in New York theater before being cast as the ambitious and uppity George Jefferson in the All In The Family Sitcom.

LOOK AGAIN

Here’s A Throwaway Story On Trash & Treasures

By Elizabeth C.

CONSIDER THIS A THROAWAY STORY: There’s two amusing tales in the news today about ordinary Joes finding treasure in trash.

Beth Feedback, 45, is a North Carolina woman who dashed into a Goodwill in search of a blanket last April and left with two gigantic canvases she intended to paint over. Each cost $9.99.

MICHAEL’S MOM KIDNAPPED?

The Fight For Michael Jackson’s Fortune Gets Crazy

By Elizabeth C.

THERE’S NO TURNING BACK FROM CRAZY AS THE JACKSON FAMILY PROVES TIME AND AGAIN. Today turns another page in the chapter of cray cray as allegations surface that Michael Jackson’s siblings have kidnapped their mother — the legal guardian of Jackson’s three children — and the children’s lawyer goes to court seeking new temporary guardian for them.

Prince, 15, Paris, 14 and Blanket, 10, met with their court-appointed attorney Monday night after reporting Michael’s siblings Jermaine, Randy and Janet Jackson allegedly attempted to kidnap them to Arizona. At the crux of the battle: control of Michael Jackson’s estimated $500 million fortune.

Katherine Jackson has been missing from her Calabasas, Calif. home for more than a week, and Paris has tweeted:

OF MEAT & MEN

Real Housewives Of New York: The Finest Beef

By Trisha B.

RAMONA AND SONJA ARE AT A RESTAURANT TALKING SKIN CARE when Carole joins them. Ramona’s decides she wants to hear all the dirt from London. She reminds them of her hate for Heather, but she doesn’t have to worry too much longer as tonight it’s tit for tat.

DIVA ON BOARD

Make Room For Mimi: Mariah Carey Joins American Idol As Judge

By Elizabeth C.

THE DIVALICIOUS MARIAH “MIMI” CAREY HAS SIGNED TO BE A NEW JUDGE ON THE 12TH SEASON of American Idol.

The singing sensation who loves to flash flesh signed on for reportedly near $17 million a year, according to Deadline.com.