WORLDS APART

A Tale Of Two Daughters: Francesca Eastwood & Diane Tran

ONE’S THE SPOILED OFFSPRING OF HOLLYWOOD ROYALTY, THE OTHER A 17-YEAR-OLD ABANDONED DAUGHTER OF DIVORCING PARENTS. Together, the two illustrate in spectacular fashion the vagaries of life.

DOGGONE REALITY TV

The Title Should Be Dogs & Doofuses In The City

By Karen Malmquist

AFTER A DECADE OF AIRING cheesy crime shows and worse sitcoms, CBS literally went to the dogs on Wednesday night.

Dogs in the City introduces us to Justin Silver, a dog whisperer who’s worked with the pampered pooches of New York’s high-heeled for more than a decade. And what we learn first and foremost: some New Yorkers have too many dollars and too little sense.

OH THE HUMANITY

Small Respite From ‘Zombie’ Cannibalism & Necrophilia

NEWS FROM THE LAST 36 HOURS HAS BEEN PARTICULARLY HORRIFYING WITH GRUESOME STORIES ABOUT A ‘zombie’ cannibal and a necrophiliatic auteur, debasing all those tuning in to the enormous radio. Enough.

WHACK ATTACK

Whack Wednesday: Marie Claire Regresses, Beyonce Fan Is ‘Touched’ & Mitt Romney Fails Spelling

By Miz J

SO WHEN WOMEN SHOP THEY BASE EVERY SINGLE PURCHASE ON WHAT MEN THINK? That’s what a pathetic listicle from Marie Claire assumes, anyway.

REASON NO. 8: BAD KISSES

Why Women Are Dumped? Reason No. 10: Being Too Hairy

IT’S THE FAMILIAR REFRAIN OF THE LOVELORN CRYING IN THEIR SOUP: What went wrong?

At last, we have the answers thanks to WotWentWrong, a new website that enables the dumped to discover why they were discarded by dumpees. The site acts as intermediary for love’s losers who want to feedback from the departed.

“Calling or emailing an Ex for an answer can be so — stalkery,” the website reportedly pitches. Why not use them as a “portal to finding out the truth in a socially acceptable way”?

DUM DUM DE DUM

Is It Curtains For Mr. Trololo?

NETIZENS ARE WEEPING TODAY: the viral “Mr. Trololo” has suffered a medical calamity.

Russian singer Eduard Khil, who became a YouTube sensation with his hilariously schmaltzy “non-lexical vocable” rendition of I Am Glad, ‘Cause I’m Finally Returning Back Home, has suffered irreversible brain damage following a stroke, RT reports.

Real Housewives Of Orange County: Bitch Intervention

By Trisha B.

HEATHER AND TERRY ARE GIVING EDDIE AND TAMRA THE PLEASURE of dining with them. After joking around a bit, and with a touch of prodding from Heather, Tamra brings up her lunch with Alexis. She tells the group Alexis just rubs her the wrong way and that she told her she was fake. She also tells them that when Alexis said Tamra’s the only person who feels like that, she immediately told them that Terry thought so as well.

Terry and Heather are gobsmacked at this revelation but only slightly show it.

GOSSIP TO GO GO

Love Celebrity Style: A Shaggy Zuckerberg Wedding, Sex‘s Miranda Gets Married & Jessica Biel Tells A Joke

By Elizabeth C.

OH, OVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING! That is, until it splinters, infects and oozes with puss. But I digress! Today Love Celebrity Style is all about the promise, the hope and joy of newlyweds.

BITTERSWEET

Prince Charming’s Secret Sorrow: He Missed Mum On Wedding Day

BRITAIN’S PRINCE CHARMING SHARES A SECRET SORROW: the Duke of Cambridge missed his mummy the day he betrothed his bride Kate Middleton.

“It’s the one time since she’s died, where I’ve … thought to myself it would be fantastic if she was here, and just how sad really for her, more than anything, not being able to see it,” Prince William reveals to Katie Couric in an interview that airs tonight on ABC.

WHAT’S YOUR PRICE?

Mad Men: Inexorable Choices

By Miz J

WHILE THE REST OF THE WORLD SPENT LAST NIGHT AT RANDOM BARBECUES, our friends at SCDP put on quite the show. The Other Woman is a doozy of an episode focusing on how men perceive women as objects -and how they go about obtaining them for their trophy rooms.