BIGGEST BROTHER

Google Ups Creepy Quotient With Planned Facial Recognition App

Staff

AS MICROSOFT JOINS THE CHORUS ALLEGING GOOGLE ILLEGALLY THWARTS COMPETITION, THE INFORMATION BEHEMOTH reveals that it’s preparing to launch a facial recognition app that will enable users to find identifying information about people in photographs.

UPDATE: Google has reported to SlashGear that it has no release date for any facial recognition app.

THIS DREAM’S THE TICKET

Elton John Brings Out The Best On American Idol

By Karen Malmquist

CASEY ABRAMS’S GOT TO FEEL PRESSURE AFTER LAST WEEK’S BIG SAVE FROM THE JUDGES. And just in case you missed it, last night’s American Idol relived the moment in a goosebump-inducing intro video.

The 11 hopefuls — facing a double elimination this week — paid tribute to the legendary Elton John last night, and Scotty McCreery managed to find John’s only country song (Country Comfort) to kick-off the episode. Scotty may be a one-trick pony, but at least he nails it every time.

HE SQUAWKS THEREFORE HE IS

The ‘Rooster’ Rich Santorum Squawks Frothy Mix Of B.S.

By Elizabeth C.

WHEN HE WAS A BOY, SEN. RICH SANTORUM WAS KNOWN AS THE “ROOSTER,” APPARENTLY BECAUSE OF SOME “ERRANT HAIRS on the back of his head that refused to stay down…, and he was noisy, showy, dogged and determined like a rooster and never backed down.”

Cocks, as roosters are called, are known for their noisy caws that signify nothing so much as their existence. “Look at me!” Look at me!,” a cock demands with every squawk. And despite the stereotype, these showoffs don’t just crow at dawn — they squawk whenever they damn well feel like it.

DOWN & OUT

The Lovin’, The Witch & The Wardrobes: A Real Housewives Of Miami Recap

By Karen Malmquist

AND SO SEASON ONE OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI ends with a lap-dance, floppy hats, a shirtless underage boy, and a self-proclaimed witch stirring up trouble in her cauldron of vibes.

Marysol shows her mother, Elsa, the pictures from her wedding. In a beautifully tender moment between the surgically-altered mother-daughter duo, Elsa tells Marysol that she loves Philippe, and thinks he’s a wonderful person.

WIGGING OUT

The ‘Ho’ Of Whoville & Other Hair-Raising Hjinks: A RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap

By Miz J

FIVE GALS TO GO. Manila talks about how, this week in the workroom, there’s a huge void that used to be taken up by Carmen. And I’m thinking, No, no, Carmen WAS the huge void.

And Raja thinks she’s hot shit now, because she won the punk challenge. Granted, girlfriend’s got a killer style, but uh, it’s not necessary to talk about how you’re not gonna be nice anymore. Every competitor, on every reality show since the fucking Real World has said that, and I am sick of hearing it. “I’m done being nice, I wanna win this thing” is my generation’s “Where’s the beef” for real.

VACATION FROM REALITY

Lick & Make Up: A Real Housewives Of Orange County Recap

VICKI WANTS TO BE COURTED.

As she and Tamra leave for Cabo she tells us that Tamra needs to court her back to friendship. Meanwhile she leaves no room for courting, being on the computer and phone until Tamra screams. Little does she know that Tamra means this to be a courtship vacation. We’ll see.

Alexis, having lunch with Gretchen, lookslike a clown, all blue shadow, pink lipstick, red cheeks and duck lips. All she’s missing is the red nose. Girlfriend, who did your makeup? Bozo?

A NEW REALITY

The New Paradigm: Radiation Is Good For You

By Elizabeth C.

THE DISASTER AT THE FUKUSHIMA DAIICHI NUCLEAR PLANT HAS POISONED MY APPETITE FOR POINTLESS BLATHER ABOUT CELEBRITIES. Who can care about Mariah’s contractions or BritBrit’s “hella hot” performance in San Francisco when you have to fret about radiation in U.S. rainwater?

COMPUTE THIS

Mr. Spock’s Pointy Vulcan Ear Expected To Fetch $1400

Staff

LOGIC GOES OUT THE WINDOW WHEN YOU’RE DEALING WITH BONAFIDE TREKKIES, SO IT’S NO SURPRISE THAT A POINTY EAR worn by Leonard Nimoy in the first Star Trek film is expected to fetch as much as $1,400 when it goes up for auction April 2.

REALITY WINS OUT

BravoAndy Learns Not All Real Housewives Created Equal

I HAVE A LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE REAL HOUSEWIVES. I adore and loathe them in equal parts. So the recent buzz that there won’t be another edition of Miami or DC made me wanna shout Haaaleeelooooo!

“After DC failed in the ratings and Miami just bombed, they realized they can’t just start a show anywhere and it will succeed,” a source tells RadarOnline.

Since all of these ladies know how to get their share of press, I expect I’ll see them in the future. Just take DC’s Michaele Salahi. She got on Celebrity Rehab while not being a “celebrity” and not having an addiction. But I won’t protest that because she definitely does have an addiction, one she shares with hubby Tariq — to fame! Those two are amazing, really. They have no money, no shame and will crash a Chuck E. Cheese if there are cameras.

SAVED!

That Was Close! Casey Gets Reprieve From American Idol Judges

By Karen Malmquist

THANK GOODNESS FOR THE POWER OF THE JUDGES! Casey Abrams scored the lowest amount of fan votes after Wednesday’s Motown-themed episode, landing him in the bottom of the pack.

But no one was sent packing Thursday night. Thia and Stefano were expected to land in the bottom three, but Casey joining them at the bottom was quite the shock. Randy, Jennifer, and Steven used their one save to keep Casey in the competition, where he’s proven he belongs.

When the reprieve came, a grateful Casey dashed toward the judges saying, “Are you really? Why would you do this? I can’t believe it.”