THE BROKEN HEARTED

Sad Didi Gets Booted From American Idol

By Nicki R.

“DIDI, IT’S BAD NEWS, SWEETHEART. WE’RE NOT GOING TO SAVE YOU, SORRY.”

And with those words, Simon sealed the fate of Idol contestant Didi Benami who received the fewest votes.

Didi’s uneven encore of Rhiannon wasn’t enough to convince the judges she was worth saving so she’s going home. Too bad for Didi and I’ll miss her. Would we have liked her more if she hadn’t always cried?

Now Tim Urban’s become the Sanjaya Malakar of this season. He isn’t competely awful but it’s a mystery how he’s lasted this long.

A MESS

AS MORE SORDIDNESS IS REVEALED ABOUT TIGER WOODS IN THE new issue of Vanity Fair, less titillating but unflattering details emerge that paint him as a cheapskate.

In the article written by contributing editor Mark Seal, ex-mistresses Mindy Lawton and Jamie Jungers paint Woods as a tightwad. Lawton said the only thing Tiger ever purchased her was a Subway chicken wrap sandwich. And Jungers admits that she broke off the affair because Tiger refused to help when she was in financial trouble.

That sentiment was echoed in a December interview I had with Peter J. Drake, who also used to work at the Perkins’ restaurant where Tiger frequently dined with his wife Elin. “He always made it a point to say hi to her and bye to” Mindy, said Drake, 30, who described himself as very close friend of Lawton’s.

RHYTHYM OR BLUES

Measuring The Soul In American Idol Wannabes

By Nicki R.

LAST NIGHT ON AMERICAN IDOL, THE 10 FINALISTS TRY TO DELIVER THE RHYTHM AND THE SOUL WITH mentoring from seductive songster Usher.

First up is Siobhan Magnus singing Chaka Kahn’s Through the Fire. Her performance feels more like “easy listening” than the R&B edge I know she has in her. She was good but I wasn’t sold. Randy said it was all over the place and it wasn’t her best performance. Ellen said she was a little off but she loves that she was the one to open the show. Kara says some parts weren’t strong but that she delivers every week. Simon compared her to singing while being out of breath. Siobhan seemed very upset by the criticism but, who are we kidding, she’s going to make it another week.

SEMANTICAL GAMES

Flash Dancers Or Mobsters? It Depends On How Close You Are To The Mayhem

By Sexy Chatty Catty

LATELY PHILLY’S BECOME A HOTBED OF UNCONTROLLED MADNESS THE MEDIA’S DUBBED “FLASH MOBS.”

always thought of flash mobs as a spontaneous gathering of gentle folk meeting to dance or sing songs from The Sound Of Music. I’m so naive. The word “mob” should be a clue that something’s amiss.

The Philadelphia Daily News reported over 2,000 teens gathered on South Street last week, a hip destination of quirky shops and restaurants. They were brought together using social-networking sites like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. With that amount of teens idling around there’s potential for trouble. On the evening news, I saw fights and people being dragged on the ground. One station also reported that a woman had her teeth knocked out.

This was reportedly the fifth “flash mob” to encroach on Philly in the last year.

In its grab for street cred, Read more →

PREHISTORIC HORROR

Hideous Monster From The Bottom Of The Sea

By Elizabeth C.

DO YOU THINK THEY CALL THIS THE “JESSE JAMES” OF THE DEEP SEA?

This giant isopod or Bathynomus giganteus surfaces from the bottom of the ocean courtesy of Gwynzer on Reddit, by way of Gawker et al. Something left over from Xenu’s visit 75 million years ago, no doubt.

The hipsters or fauxhemians” over at Gawker were tripping over their tongues about this one. Best lines?

“Like a window right into the Cretaceous.”

Well, you have officially ruined the ocean for me.”

“As we speak, Lady Gaga is already figuring out how to turn it into a hat.”

GUYS AND DOLLS

Traveling Down The Drag Lane & Back Again: A RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap

By Sexy Chatty Catty

FIVE DOLLS LEFT. Who will be America’s Next Drag SupaStar?

It seems Jessica Wild is sorely missed by everyone but me. And everyone but me is pissed that Tatty’s still around.

The theme tonight is mothers, or old men or babies. The mini challenge is to match the 12 queens with their baby pictures in an allotted time. Everyone does well. Tatty, Morgan and Juju were just the cutest little ones. Tatty wins the baby face mini challenge.

The main challenge? Turning men into Golden Girls. In walk five nondescript guys with various occupations — and all over 50. Ru says the girls must transform these silver daddies into drag mommas — and don’t hold back.

Tatty picks first and she’s definitely using strategy: she chooses the man Raven calls “the pretty one” for herself. She gives Juju the pudgy one, Raven gets the balding guy with the full beard and mustache (LOL).

Read Lessons In Bitch Literacy: A RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap here.

Read Bad Gay Glam Rock: A RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap here.

Read Of Snatch & Preparation H: A RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap here.

Read Welcome To The ‘Ho Down’: A RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap here.

Read Sweet Gherkins! Slap Me With A Cutlet! A RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap here.

Read Snip & Tuck: RuPaul’s Drag Race Returns here.

BLATHER

Tongues A’ Wagging: LiLo’s In A Dust-Up & Other Accidental News

By Madi S.

LINDSAY LOHAN HAS HIT ROCK BOTTOM, literally.

In just a few short weeks, she was photographed falling face forward into a cactus, denied entry to a Victoria’s Secret party, and got dumped from her charity gig on behalf of India for tweeting about saving 40 children in one afternoon. Even L.A.’s finest are reportedly considering committing against her will.

What’s next for this unemployed former child star? White power coming out from her shoes. Of course all the wags think it’s a perfect metaphor for her rumored coke-tinged life.

The Jesse James scandal continues to unfold.

FEMINIST WARRIOR

The History Of Gloria Allred: From Fighting For The Whole Team To The Ho Team

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S TIME TO SPOTLIGHT ATTORNEY GLORIA ALLRED, famed justice seeker who’s righting wrongs and wronging rights for aggrieved cheating “other” women everywhere.

Says Allred: “I take fire, and I give fire — because I’m not a philosopher; I’m a warrior.”

Don’t hold it against her that three recent clients are the mistresses of Tiger Woods and Jesse James, outlaws in the state of matrimony. ‘Cause even deceitful fameballs are entitled to legal representation under our beloved Bill of Rights, at least until the current Supreme Court finds a way to void it.

SAVING THE WHALES ET AL. Hayden Panettiere’s A Real Life Hero By Elizabeth C. SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE ONCE SANG A SONG SAYING WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER HERO, but that is so not true! We need all of them we can get. And picking up the slack is Hayden Panettiere, who plays a hero not only on […]

BITCHFEST

Crazy Eyes & Crooked Breasts: A Real Housewives Of New York Recap

By Sexy Chatty Catty

THIS SHOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT? HA! I’m a war correspondent chronicling the battles.

Kelly’s doing Playboy and everybody’s atwitter. We see the Countess chatting with her daughter about it and it seems LuAnn would doff her clothes in a New York minute if Playboy called her. Then we’re at dinner with Kelly and her daughters to hear their reactions. They take it in stride, with the youngest quipping that Kelly’s doing it to “to entertain people with your weirdness.” So I am not alone. I love you Teddy.

Bethany has gone from entrepreneur/author to lecturer and advocates sex in lieu of food. With that diet we could all be in Playboy. Meanwhile new nemesis Jill’s sweet husband Bobby gets good news regarding a bout with thyroid cancer. The doctor gives him a good bill of health and she cries. And for a moment Bethany is forgotten.

We attend Kelly’s Playboy shoot and find out that until you’re invited to pose for the mag you’re not truly a beautiful woman. O…K.