ARMED & DANGEROUS

Pretty Little Liars: B Is For Busted

By Karen Malmquist

IF THERE’S ONE THING THE PO PO can’t get enough of, it’s the Marin family. Even after leaving Rosewood for the night, trouble still follows Hanna as she’s found with a gun at a sorority party on Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars. Meanwhile, Tippy seems to have led the Liars to Ali’s old hideout.

Hanna wakes up from a terrible nightmare in which she finds her mom asleep on a lawn chair outside, covered in towels and wearing an orange prison jumpsuit. Bonus: all her hair has fallen off. I’m convinced a demon is living in the Marin house and is making Hanna hallucinate, wearing her mascara and giving her perfectly soft, beach-y waves before she wakes up. It’s the only explanation as to why she doesn’t look like she’s been dragged out of the sewer like a normal human being who’s just woken up.

EVERY ROSIE HAS HER THORNS

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: This Bullsh*t’s Gotta Stop

By Karen Malmquist

AFTER THE TRASH-CAN-HARMING GYM FIASCO between Teresa and her brother, it’s Rosie’s turn to take a metaphorical whack at Teresa on Sunday’s Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Joe comes into the house, fuming loudly after he and Teresa got into it while pumping iron, and finds Melissa busy “writing” her book. After shooing Antonia out of the room, he starts telling Melissa about how Teresa mentioned the ladies’ Twitter war (in which they bickered over money and bags, in case anyone cares). Melissa doesn’t seem as upset as Joe. In fact, she seems more proud of herself that anything, saying, “I gave her a taste of her own medicine.” Joe can’t believe she just said that, and gets a little irritated when she adds that, “It’s her way of mind-f***ing you.” Hmm. Sounds like something Teresa would say.

CRACKED

Pretty Little Liars: Face Time

By Karen Malmquist

REMEMBER WHEN I HINTED THAT Ashley Marin might’ve killed Detective Wilden? Well, nevermind: I might be wrong. On Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars, Melissa finally shows her true colors, and it’s actually terrifying to watch her care.

Mr. Fields is back in Rosewood, arriving home with only a duffle bag of stuff and still wearing his military uniform. He quietly says hi to his girls as Emily leaves for school.

Meanwhile, Caleb tells Hanna what her dad said about his gun going missing, and Hanna doesn’t believe her mom had anything to do with it. He warns her that if the police discover Wilden was shot with the same gun that was taken from Mr. Marin, Ashley will have some explaining to do.

‘LET THERE BE VOMIT’

The Show With Vinny: Tyler The Creator Manifests Puke

By Karen Malmquist

TAKING THE WHOLE ”UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL” THING TO new levels, Thursday’s The Show with Vinny starts out with our host greeting us from inside his shower. He wasn’t kidding when he said “This sure as hell ain’t Piers Morgan.”

Iggy Azalea and Tyler, The Creator are on the show this week, and Vinny tells the cameras that he’s been a fan of Iggy, who’s up first, ever since her first single Murda Bizness dropped. I have no idea what he just said, but based on the loud bleeping that just happened, he said a very dirty word.

CAT’S CRADLE

Pretty Little Liars: Jumped…Or Pushed?

By Karen Malmquist

MONA IS MISSING AND ZACH IS BACK as the girls let Emily turn into Medusa. Yep, it’s a weird one!

The Pretty Little Liars head to The Brew and go through a box of toys taken from Jessica DiLaurentis. For some reason Mrs. D held onto Alison’s Legos, seemingly because they hold some kind of significance. Knowing Ali, she must’ve been really good at making model torture chambers out of them or something.

Ella’s boyfriend Zach has returned from the black hole he fell into last season, and the two are canoodling together over the cash register.

PREDICTABILITY?

How Rude! John Stamos Tweets ‘Stay Sober’ To Divorcing Jodie Sweetin

By Miz J

STEPHANIE TANNER’S HOUSE IS A little less full these days. Jodie Sweetin, the actress and former meth addict of the TGIF hit from yesteryear, just filed for legal separation from her third husband Morty Coyle.

The two were married in Beverly Hills in March 2012, and they have a 2-year-old daughter named Beatrix together. Sweetin also has a 5-year-old daughter, Zoie, with her second husband Cody Herpin.

CONFRONTING THE PAST

Mad Men: Excavating The Past

By Miz J

THINGS ARE OFF TO A GROOVY START AT THE AGENCY, which just picked up the Sunkist account. Because of this win, SC&P is opening an LA satellite office — and Stan approaches Don immediately for the post, citing the opportunity to run the place and grow it with more accounts. Skeptical, Don considers this…and then considers stealing that idea for himself, a typical dick, er, Draper move this season.

In other business matters, Roger’s daughter Margaret and her husband visit the office to hit him up for money for yet another failed venture. Calling it “prudent investing” and not “pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” (Roger is, after all, an account guy) he chooses not to give them any more cash, which sends Margaret into a hissy fit of epic proportions.

DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH

Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Happy Birthday, Bitches

By Karen Malmquist

IT’S ANOTHER BIRTHDAY PARTY SHOWDOWN ON THE Real Housewives of New Jersey‘s Sunday’s episode. Gia’s turning 12, which means she thinks she’s old enough to start dating, but young enough that every guest in attendance still needs to have their own parent present at the party. And when Joe Gorga gets pneumonia, Teresa takes this as a sign that Melissa is offering up her family to Satan. Or something like that.

Teresa’s at the gym, wearing full makeup and jewelry as she tells her intimidating-looking friend Linda about Gia’s upcoming birthday party. It’s apparently the Oscars of north Jersey, so she’s expecting every adult to be dying over an invite.

They’re not.

UP FROM BOOTSTRAPS EDITION

By Karen Malmquist

WHEN A WOMAN IS MAD AND TAKES HER EARRINGS OFF, it’s a sign that you better run as fast as you can. On Thursday’s The Show with Vinny, Uncle Nino is finally gonna get what’s been coming to him.

Teen pop sensation Austin Mahone and Love & Hip-Hop star Erica Mena are this week’s guests, and Paola interrupts Vinny once again while he’s trying to welcome everyone to the new episode. He’s trying to do his job. She’s talking over him. This is a constant thing with them. Maybe she needs her own show.

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER

Credit: JKlekamp on Twitter

James Gandolfini Fades To Black & A New Jersey Diner Pays Tribute

By Elizabeth Coady

THE OUTPOURING OF ACCOLADES FOLLOWING JAMES GANDOLFINI’S sudden death has dominated entertainment headlines in the last 24 hours. But no tribute to the award-winning Sopranos boss is more touching than the one being held at a New Jersey diner.

The owners of Holsten’s Brookdale Confectionery in Bloomfield, N.J. have placed a “reserve” notice on the booth where Gandolfini and his mob family shared their last meal during the HBO series finale five years ago.