CROSSING THE LINE

Legally Bombed: Reese Witherspoon Apologizes For Crass Talk During Atlanta Arrest

By Elizabeth C.

OOOPS. REESE WITHERSPOON LET HER ENTITLEMENT SLIP WHEN SHE WAS PULLED OVER WITH HER HUSBAND April 19 in Atlanta after he was spotted weaving on the road.

“Do you know my name?,” the actress challenged Georgia State Trooper First Class J. Pylanda, who was arresting her husband after he failed to ‘walk the line’ properly in a field sobriety test. “You’re about to find out who I am.”

LOVE CELEBRITY STYLE

Kim Kardashian Gets Her Divorce Wish; Officially Unwed Mother-To-Be

By Kyra Senese

THE DIVORCE BATTLE LASTED SEVEN TIMES LONGER THAN THE MARRIAGE, BUT Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are finally legally kaput.

A Los Angeles judge confirmed Friday that Kimmie and super-estranged ex Kris Humphries have agreed on terms to settle their divorce. But TMZ reports that Humphries got ZIP and RadarOnline claims the b-baller settled because he was about to be force-fed “a sh*t sandwich and chose to settle.”

THAT’S WHACK

Ozzy’s Off The Wagon, Coolio’s Whack Crack & Pamela’s New ‘Hoary’ Style

By Miz J

HAS THE PRINCE OF Darkness lost his Princess for good? Ozzy Osbourne assured us via Facebook that he and wife of 31 years, Sharon, are not divorcing. But the truth is that the couple is estranged due to Ozzy’s drug and drink relapse.

“For the last year and a half I have been drinking and taking drugs. I was in a very dark place and was an a-hole to the people I love most, my family. However, I am happy to say that I am now 44 days sober,” he revealed.

POWER ‘IT’ GIRL

Portia De Rossi Is Stunning As Out Cover Girl

By Elizabeth C.

PORTIA DE ROSSI IS STUNNING COVER GIRL for Out‘s power issue.

The actress most famous for being Mrs. DeGeneres reveals what sparks the light in her face: “Married life is blissful, it really is,” she tells Out. “I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”

Love and wealth is a winning combination, as evinced by the A-list couple showing off their partnership’s material rewards in the May issue of Elle Decor, which spotlights Ellen’s design prowess at a 26-acre Hidden Valley estate.

All that’s missing from their charmed life is the pitter-patter of tiny feet, and De Rossi, 40, reveals that’s a conscious choice.

GOSSIP ERUPTIS

No, Kate Upton & Sean Combs Are Not Diddylin’, Crushing Dreams Of Gossip Peddlers Worldwide

By Elizabeth C.

THE RUMOR WAS A GOSSIP COLUMNIST’S FICTION DREAM COME-TRUE: Kate Upton was diddylin’ Sean Puffy Combs.

At least that’s what the “source” said after eye spying the Sports Illustrated model allegedly sharing spit with the rap entrepreneur at the club LIV in Miami Beach. “They were kissing, they weren’t hiding it,” the “source” blabbed to the New York Daily News.

LOVE CELEBRITY STYLE

Rihanna’s Confused, Tom Cruise’s Dazed & Scarlett Johannson’s Cattin’ Around

By Elizabeth C.

STARS, THEY’RE JUST LIKE US! Oh sure, richer and more beautiful, but they’re just as crummy as the bulk of us at keeping love’s flames flickering. And today’s headlines bring us fresh reminder of that truth.

Eternal party girl and lover of the “thug life,” Rihanna dropped hints during her Monday night concert at Los Angeles’ Staples Center that she and Chris Brown are kaput once more. During the soldout show, the songstress asked from the stage if anyone in the audience was in love. Then she followed that question up by asking who in the audience didn’t understand love.

“I’m in that group,” Rihanna said. “The confused group. Two words: what now? What the f-k now?”

MIXED BLESSING?

Report: Paris Jackson Spends 15th Birthday With Birth Mom Debbie Rowe

IF WE COULD THINK OF ONE GOOD THING TO COME OUT OF MICHAEL JACKSON’S DEATH, IT WOULD BE THIS: TMZ claims Paris Jackson is drawing close to her birth mother, Debbie Rowe.

The online tab reports the 15-year-old beauty “has secretly reestablished ties with her birth mother,” most recently spending a few hours with her on her 15th birthday Wednesday.

Rowe gave birth to Jackson’s two oldest children, Prince and Paris, before signing away her parental rights to the music icon when Paris was just three years old. Rowe has been excoriated in the media for cutting ties for what is assumed a financial payoff.

BUT SERIOUSLY…CONGRATS

Glee’s Brittany Knocked Up In Real Life!

By Elizabeth C.

WE COULD HAVE GUESS THAT GLEE’S BRITTANY PIERCE WOULD GET KNOCKED UP BEFORE MARRYING. That ditzy high school tart has been trading spit and other bodily fluids with various and assorted sex partners since she first showed up on the once-scorching TV series.

But the character Brittany’s sexual hijinks were just make-pretend; the real star Heather Morris now actually is pregnant — reportedly six months along with the progeny of her and her long-time high school sweetheart, Taylor Hubbell.

GOLDEN GIRL

Hayden Panettiere Exudes Light On The Cover Of Glamour

By Elizabeth C.

GLAMOUR GIRL HAYDEN PANIETTIERE EXUDES RAYS OF LIGHT ON THE COVER OF GLAMOUR‘S MAY EDITION where she shines in a sun-yellow bathing suit and her signature blond locks.

The fashion magazine profiles the actress/ singer who seems to have been destined to become a star. Cast in a Playskool commercial when she was a mere 11-months old, the roles haven’t stopped coming since. First achieving fame for her role in the quirky Heroes television series, she’s now wowing critics with her saucy portrayal as the conniving Juliette Barnes on Nashville.

“I’ve lived a very big life, and I don’t feel my age,” the 23-year-old tells the magazine. But it’s not her past so much as her future about which Panettiere gushes. She finishes the previous sentence with the phrase, “and I feel like I was born to be a mother.”

SPREADING THE WEALTH

Angelina Jolie Launches Jewelry Line To Underwrite Schools For Children Of Conflict

ANGELINA JOLIE IS PUTTING HER MONEY WHERE HER MOUTH IS AND financing a school for girls in Afghanistan.

The Maleficent actress and part-time good deed doer is launching a jewelry line from which all proceeds will go The Education Partnership for Children of Conflict. The partnership will fund the girls’ school located outside the Afghan capital of Kabul where up to 300 girls are currently enrolled, as well as go toward building more schools for children in impoverished and war-torn areas, according to Us Weekly.