By Karen Malmquist
THE CRAZY JUST KEEPS COMING WITH KENYA MOORE. Miss “Gone with the Wind fabulous” sashays back to her room after last week’s blowout between her and Porsha, but the drama between Kenya and Mrs. Cordell Stewart is far from over. Cynthia is surprised at how “crunk” the fight got, noting that she and Kenya are very close in age: “Well, if she called me what she was calling Kenya that would surely start a fight.” I believe the word was tramp.
Kenya is back in her room, telling Walter about how important she is, and how she opened so many doors for Porsha and womankind by winning Miss USA way back in ’93. She then says she’s in the same group of historically important people as Barack Obama.
Just let that sit for a minute.
The rest of the women go back to the sitting area, and Phaedra says that Kenya is probably just sensitive about someone possibly discrediting her. NeNe says that Kenya getting so upset is just dumb.
The next morning, NeNe runs into Kandi’s room to tell her everything she missed. Kandi can’t believe it. NeNe must’ve been especially moved by Porsha and Kenya’s fight, because she now wants to resolve any remaining tension with Kandi. It’s no secret that they butted heads in the past, and over the years, while they’ve played nice to each other, they’ve never really connected. They both say how proud they are of each other’s success and how they really want a good second chance to be close friends — not just getting along in mixed company. Todd, who’s organizing his shaving kit in the bathroom nearby, jokes that he was near tears listening to their heart-to-heart love fest. Me, too, Todd. Finally, no more Talls vs. Smalls. There is finally full bipartisanship between the ladies (except the new ones, but what are you gonna do?).
Porsha tells Cordell about what happened with Kenya, and he has a difficult time saying anything other than “wow” when Porsha tells him how Kenya was bragging on herself.
Kenya and Walter are getting ready for the day, and Walter tells her that he’s worried her fight with Porsha will strain his budding friendship with the other men on the trip. Kenya also thinks because it’s the last day of the trip, she’s going to get a proposal. At this point, Walter could help her put a coat on and she’d think he was proposing.
Everyone’s taking a big day trip together, and Kenya decides to try and clear the air before they’re all forced to spend more time with each other. She sits everyone down to announce how she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood, and she apologizes for last night. When there’s a lull in her pageant speech, Porsha tries to say something. Suddenly Kenya’s mad again, saying how she was disrespected and how she’s not a tramp and how she won Miss USA and everything. So much for an apology?
The men wait on the shuttle for them, and they’re joking about how hard it is to go on vacation with their wives. They talk about how they don’t want to get involved in the ongoing drama, since it’s enough work trying to keep up with the eyelash glue, hair extensions and whatnot. Walter breathes a huge sigh of relief.
The men are tired of sitting in the hot shuttle waiting for their women, so Peter gets out and tries to hurry them up. He walks in on Kenya making a scene, and runs away.
Everyone is treated to a fancy lunch at the beach, courtesy of Peter. Cordell, with a look of pure fear in his eyes, asks if everything is okay between everyone. Kandi laughs that she missed everything, so she’s good. Kenya announces that she has a gift for Cynthia. She gives her Vanessa Williams’ new book, because Vanessa is her hero, because they both won Miss USA (in case you didn’t know). Kenya laughs about how she couldn’t believe Cynthia didn’t know every little detail about Vanessa Williams, and wants to make sure she understands why Kenya is so significant. Cynthia forces a smile and “gladly” accepts the book, then quickly asks how everyone else is doing.
After lunch, NeNe and Gregg decide to try horseback riding. NeNe struggles to get on the horse, struggles to ride the horse, and struggles to get off the horse. It’s just a mess, but luckily Gregg is there to find her a nice hard drink to cope with the pain.
Cynthia pulls Kenya aside so they can have a talk. They discuss the incident at the Bailey Agency auditions, and they both explain where they were coming from. Cynthia thinks Kenya overstepped her boundaries, and Kenya thinks she was the best thing to happen to the girls she embarrassed at the audition. They go back and forth for a while, as Kandi, Phaedra, NeNe, and Porsha watch from afar. Porsha is flipping through the Vanessa Williams’ book, Kandi is on her phone, and Phaedra and NeNe stare off into the distance. Phaedra and Nene decide to try to diffuse the situation, and force Kenya and Cynthia to hug it out. Kenya starts laughing and falls to the ground, and then hugs Cynthia. It’s a very weird scene.
At dinner, Kenya takes Peter complimenting Walter on how he’s owning his pink shirt as an opportunity to say how it’s a wedding color. Walter says he might need another drink.
Peter gets up and asks the other men at the table to stand up for a toast. He tells all of the couples what he loves about them and how great it was spending time with everyone, and when he gets to Kenya and Walter, he acknowledges how he originally though they weren’t a couple. However, he says that he now sees that they are indeed a couple, judging by the “little birdies” who keep chirping about how Kenya is pushing to get married.
The married couples go around the table and tell the cute stories about how they got engaged. Apollo says he knew that Phaedra would see a potential lawsuit if a random person had accidentally swallowed the ring at the bottom of a champagne glass, so he put it in his mouth to give it to her via a kiss. Phaedra laughs when Apollo says she spit it out, not knowing what it was. Gregg, Peter, and Cordell take turns telling their stories, making Kenya a bit anxious. She asks Phaedra how she showed Apollo she was ready to get engaged. In her interview, Phaedra says she definitely feels sorry for Kenya, and that she can see that she just wants to feel loved.
Kenya quietly tells Walter that she lost her appetite, and leaves the table. Walter goes after her, and asks what’s wrong. She says how she thought he was going to propose, and Walter tells her that he can’t be pressured to propose, and when it happens, it happens.
Kenya says she’s going to stay outside for a while, and Walter returns to the table. NeNe explains to Walter that he may by a little misleading to Kenya, since he told her that Anguilla would be a nice place to elope.
Phaedra comes outside to comfort a teary Kenya. “I just don’t think it’s safe to be in the middle of a forest without at least without a stun gun,” Phaedra tells us. She soothes Kenya with words she doesn’t particularly want to hear: “Everybody knows the only person looking for a husband is someone who ain’t never had one because it’s more work than what you think it is. It’s a blessing you don’t end up with some of these crazy men.” Apollo then comes over and after they assure Kenya everything’s going to be okay, they walk into the dark together.
Next time, it looks like Apollo and Phaedra are about to experience their own relationship woes.
Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and is a member of the Overpopulated Peninsula comedy troupe. You can follow her on Twitter @KarenSays.