WHACK

What Do You Get When You Cross John Stamos & Butter? Riot Fest

By Miz J

GOING TO RIOT FEST? Bring some biscuits — no, not to chuck at hipsters. They’re sculpting a butter statue.

Of whom? Well, the dairy masterminds are torn between John Stamos, Oderus Urungus and Andrew W.K. So they’re leaving the decision up to you. Personally, we’re casting our votes for Uncle Jesse (who’s leadihg by hundreds!), but if you disagree, you can vote every day, up until August 12. Make sure you do so the Chicago way: “early and often.”

The music festival arrives in Chicago’s Humboldt Park Sept. 13 and runs through the 15th. The Replacements, Blink-182, Violent Femmes and Joan Jett & the Blackhearts are among the 70 acts scheduled to perform.

Single day and three-day passes are still available.

Remember to bring your wallet — and wipes.