By Miz J
KIM KARDASHIAN’S NOTORIOUS DIVORCE, WHICH SURPRISED NO ONE YET IS MANAGING TO DRAG ON TWICE AS LONG AS THE MARRIAGE, is stressing her out and putting the Kimye baby at risk. According to TMZ, the divorce is “the only significant stress in her life,” which, hey, must be nice. We’re fully in the Humphries camp on this one — and maybe it’s time Kim actually experienced some real-life difficulty before she becomes a parent, eh?
IF, IN THE NEAR FUTURE, YOU FIND YOURSELF WONDERING why you haven’t been getting your neighbor’s Land’s End catalog hastily and mistakenly shoved into your mailbox, don’t fret: it’s because the Post Office has decided to cut its long-pointless Saturday service. So all your neighbor’s bullshit will now be shoved in with the rest of your crap during the normal work week, as postal workers across this great country work harder than ever to give NEGATIVE zero fucks in just five days a week.
AND In ILLUMINATI MEMBER NEWS, Beyoncé’s publicist Yvette Noel-Schure got called out for trying to remove from some “unflattering” photos of the singer, snapped during her epic Superbowl halftime performance last Sunday. We put “unflattering” in quotes, because we believe there is No. Such. Thing. as an actually unflattering photo of Beyoncé. It is not physically possible. And besides, for someone who’s admitted she has an archive of every image ever taken of her, a move like this one is actually what makes a diva like Beyoncé look vain -– not the image library itself. Ironic?
Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj