By Miz J
OKAY, GUYS, HERE’S THE THING. We love Beyoncé as much as the next person, but we had to laugh at this quote from her, which the singer offered up at the premiere of Life is But a Dream, — a documentary about Beyoncé, directed by Beyoncé, starring Beyoncé:
“I felt like it was time. I felt like after 16 years of being a singer, people didn’t know who I was, which was conscious because I feel like mystique is very important and I will always keep certain things to myself because it’s only natural.”
MYSTIQUE? Let’s not get carried away here, Bey. It’s only February and already you’ve performed at the Presidential inauguration (complete with lip synching mini-scandal), and the Superbowl AND you’ve released this documentary (complete with red carpet premiere). Your exposure is teetering on Kardashian levels, my dear.
Oh, BIEBS. YOU’VE GOT TO LEARN HOW how to keep your arrogant, 18-year-old opinions off of the Internets, lest they haunt you for the rest of your life.
First, he complained about his zero-for-zero Grammy score this year. Then, for reasons that totally escape us, a reporter picked that up and asked Patrick Carney, the drummer for The Black Keys, about it. Carney said something like this, which would have basically been our response too: “He’s rich, right? Grammys are for, like, music, not for money … and he’s making a lot of money. He should be happy, I guess.” Which is like, “RIGHT?” Just shut up and count your stacks, and enjoy the fleeting attention of hordes of young ladies. But NO. Biebs took himself BACK in front of the keyboard, tweeting that the drummer should be “slapped around haha.”
This moment of pure, unadulterated saltiness was brought to you by Keyshia Cole, who tried the same thing — just as unsuccessfully — during the Superbowl performance and regarding Michelle Williams.
THERE ARE DOZENS OF REASONS TO LIVE CLAIR HUXTABLE: The fashion, the fabulousness, the family lawyering, the take-no-mess attitude. And now we can add one more to the list: level 10 Kardashian shade-thrower. Phylicia Rashad sat down with Steve Harvey on Tuesday and flat-out snubbed Kris, the matriarch of the Kardashian Krew and the mastermind behind their krazy reality show lifestyle:
“I don’t know mothers who act like that,” she said. “Do I really want to sit here and watch that? Is this what I want to do with the moments of this life?” HAHAHAHAHA, preach, Ms. Rashad! We don’t want to sit there and watch that, either.
Miz J has an attitude. Deal with it. Check out her NSFW comedy podcast, I SAID IT, on iTunes or follow her on Facebook or on Twitter @askmizj