By Karen Malmquist
JUST WHEN WE BELIEVED POLE-DANCING HELD CURATIVE POWERS FOR THE LADIES, THE Real Housewives of Beverly Hills turn on each other on Sunday’s new episode. And the trigger?
The possibility of nuclear weapons in Iran?
Naw, it was Adrienne. It’s always Adrienne.
The pole dancing class goes off without a hitch. Naturally, everyone’s a little nervous, but they eventually loosen up. Seriously, the amount of upper-body strength required to climb anything is inhuman. Lisa throws on a boa and tries her best move, which is just holding onto the pole and slowly walking around it while laughing.
Yolanda, of all people, seems the most into it, asking the instructors for suggestions and cheering on everyone else on, especially Brandi. You’d think the most cookie-cutter wife of the bunch would be iffy about the whole pole dancing empowerment thing, but she says enthusiastically in her interview how fun and exciting an opportunity it is for Brandi, and how happy she is for her. Well, if Yolanda is looking for something to do when she’s not frolicking through her garden, she can join her in Vegas for a bit.
Meanwhile, Adrienne works on her shoe line. They’re QVC exclusive quality at best, but she feels the need to note that at least she’s not teaching pole dancing. Ugh.
On the limo back to the hotel, Kyle gets a mysterious phone call from Kim -— she’s about to get her nose done, and she seems unsure. Kyle’s confused, as is the rest of the car, since Kyle decided to have this private phone call on speakerphone.
Now Kim’s being rolled into the operating room, and Bravo decides also show her leaving surgery, which is a little too graphic for my liking. I mean, Kim without makeup? The surgery seems to have gone well.
Adrienne takes Paul to get some of his own work done. He’s getting laser hair removal for his back, and Adrienne takes it as an opportunity to rip her husband a new one in front of the doctor. His back is really hairy, he doesn’t have a nice body…we get it, Adrienne. And we get why you’re divorced now.
Back in Vegas, Brandi throws a dinner party for the ladies in her suite, and things are off to an interesting start. Yolanda’s drinking tequila, and Marisa’s spilled red wine on her dress. Oh, but don’t worry — Barbara Streisand once fixed a red wine stain by pouring white wine on it, apparently. It’s a trick of the domestic doyennes.
Suddenly things get hostile. Camille brings up how weird it is to be there in Vegas without Adrienne. And to think, everything was going so well…
Lisa and Jen bring up the phone call Brandi got months ago from Adrienne saying that she wanted her and Camille to go against Lisa at the Season Two reunion. Now everyone is expressing their opinions about Adrienne, and Camille gets up from the table and tries to leave to avoid having “words put into her mouth.” Kyle runs after her and convinces her to come back, just in time for her and Lisa to go at it. When Brandi mentions that Adrienne only owns two percent of the Palms, Camille gets upset when Lisa acknowledges it as the truth. Camille then says that Lisa doesn’t even own Sur. Lisa looks to Kyle for support, since she knows that Lisa really does own her restaurant, but Kyle says nothing.
Yolanda, who has been silent for the entire dinner, says that maybe it’s time to stop talking about Adrienne. Since she’s not here, they should just drop the subject because it’s not fair. Camille loudly thanks Yolanda for saying that, but Yolanda only did because she was so sick and tired about hearing everything and having it ruin her meals. Luckily it’s the perfect time for her to leave, because David has sent for a private plane to take her home to Beverly Hills. Everyone else takes this as a cue to get up and call it a night. Kyle apologizes to Brandi for things going the way they did at dinner.
Well, at least they all can say they got along for an entire day. That’s gotta count for something, right?
Back in Beverly Hills, Kyle goes to Kim’s to check on her. Kim’s is bandaged-up, but upbeat and playing with her dog in bed. Most of her swelling is already gone, and she hasn’t been taking any painkillers. She even notes that her surgeon said it took less to knock her out than the average person.
Lisa, Ken, and Giggy sit down and discuss Vegas, especially how Kyle didn’t stand up for Lisa at dinner. Ken says that a true friend would’ve stood up for Lisa, and Giggy nods in agreement, crossing his paws and pondering possible solutions to this debacle.
Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and is a member of the Overpopulated Peninsula comedy troupe. You can follow her on Twitter @KarenSays.