THERE’S AN ART TO SAYING NOTHING WELL, and professional heartthrob Robert Pattinson revealed his unskill at that talent Monday night.
Just bruising from the public humiliation of seeing girlfriend of three years Kristen Stewart nuzzling with he who shall not be named, Pattinson turned out Monday night on Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show to promote his new movie, Cosmopolis. It was his first appearance since the scandal broke and Twihards and gossips were waiting breathlessly to hear what he’d say about it. And the answer is… a big fat nothing.
But as I said when we began, the savvy can say a whole lot without saying anything, and Pattinson just seemed awkward and clumsy and unprepared.
He did reveal that he was wearing Spanx and that he’s too cheap to hire a publicist and that was apparent. “Uh, hmm, what have you… been up to?,” Stewart asks awkwardly after Pattinson entered the studio.
“God I thought we had prepared this,” said Pattinson, looking a little vampirey with weird sideburns. “I had a joke prepared, Goddammit, I was all set up and ready to go. See now it’s meaningless!”
At that the Comedy Central host offered salve in the form of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to the star of the Twilight series. “We’re just a couple of gals talking,” Stewart hinted.
“Listen, the last time I had a bad breakup, Ben & Jerry got me through some of the tougher times. So I thought you and I could bond over this and talk about, ‘Boy you are better off! Kick her to the curb!’ ” He said it in his best street accent, which Pattinson picked up on: “Is that an impression of yourself?,” he asked.
“That was me at 17 until about 38,” Steward retorted.
The comic continued speaking for the nation: “When you are young and you break up, it feels powerful and you feels like the world is ending. This is the first time I have seen the world actually act that way. It’s insanity. So here’s my wish for you. That you get to handle your business in private in your personal life. And I wish you all the best.”
The two briefly talked about the imminent release of director David Cronenberg’s Cosmopolis, which RPatz described as nothing that’s ever come before or will likely come later.
“I’m telling you man, Cronenberg, he’s the man,” Stewart said. “If you’ve never taken LSD, and aren’t planning on it, just go see a Cronenberg movie because it’s a similar vibe.”
Before he left, Pattinson asked Twihards to turn out enmasse for Cosmopolis opening this Friday.
|The Daily Show with Jon Stewart||Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c|