CAN SECRETS BE BORING?

‘Secret Files’ Site Reveals Alleged Addresses, Credit Records of Celebrity High Fliers

By Elizabeth C.

BECAUSE I COVER THE NEWS IN BLOGGING FORMAT, it was my duty to check out the website linking to alleged personal information on a baker’s dozen of high-profile personalities.

The domain headlined “The Secret Files,” carried Russia’s “SU” suffix and showed a demonic child putting a finger to her lips. The tagline: “If you believe that God makes miracles, you have to wonder if Satan has a few up his sleeve.” An Illuminati reference perhaps?

The hacker’s hit list was a who’s who of the high profile: Beyonce, Jay-Z, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Donald Trump, Mel Gibson, Ashton Kutcher, Joe Biden, Robert Mueller, Hillary Clinton, Eric Holder and LAPD Chief Charlie Beck.

ROLLING THE DICE

Britney Spears Gambles On Las Vegas

By Elizabeth C.

IT’S VIVA LAS VEGAS FOR BRITNEY SPEARS AS THE POP STAR PICKS UP HER CAREER EAST OF HOLLYWOOD.

Extra reports that BritBrit’s deal with Caesars Entertainment Group is nearly signed and sealed, and an official announcement is expected “soon.”

IT’S OVER

Britney Spears & Jason Trawick Announce Split

By Elizabeth C.

OGAWD, DO WE HAVE TO PUT AWAY THE SCISSORS?

Britney Spears and her fiance Jason Trawick dropped the news that their three-year romance is kaput. The couple became engaged 13 months year ago when Trawick, her former agent, celebrated his 40th birthday.

Britney tells People: “Jason and I have decided to call off our engagement.

FARCICAL FELON

Britney’s Hoaxster Baby Daddy Has Fantastical Litigious Past

By Elizabeth C.

PITY THAT SUSPECTED HOAXSTER Jonathan Lee Riches doesn’t devote himself to fiction: Britney Spears’ wannabe lover apparently has a wild imagination.

Riches is accused of filing a lawsuit against The X Factor judge claiming to be Kevin Federline’s brother Christopher and fathering her son Sean Preston while she was married
to K-Fed. He also claimed that BritBit stole $4,500 and then mocked his “small penis” when he confronted her about the crime.But The Smoking Gun reports the lawsuit filed Dec. 18 (and dismissed two days later) is the fanciful handiwork of Riches, a convicted felon described as a “prodigious serial litigant. While incarcerated, he filed hundreds of fatuous lawsuits that named a cavalcade of athletes, politicians, musicians, Hollywood stars, and other public figures as defendants,” reveals.

DIVA IN THE MAKING

‘Diva’ Carly Rose Sonenclar Breaks Through Noise To Prove She’s Got X Factor

By Elizabeth C.

REMEMBER THIS NAME: Carly Rose Sonenclar. We’ll all talking about her in the future.

Sonenclar is the 13-year-old who gave thrills and chills on last night’s X Factor, and received beaucoup shoutouts on Twitter.

“carly rose needs to win #xfactor like really can we just skip to the end,” tweeted Rick Dillon.

FEEL FINE?

Should We Take Britney’s Advice & Keep On Dancing Till The World Ends?

By Elizabeth C.

THERE’S A COUPLE OF STORIES REGARDING SECRETS AND LIES THAT DESERVE YOUR ATTENTION THIS WEEK:

GIDDY UP

Gangnam Style’s Psy Teaches His Signature Gallop To Britney Spears

By Elizabeth C.

TALKER ELLEN DEGENERES created a “TV moment” when she surprised Britney Spears with an impromptu dance lesson from Park Jae-Sang, otherwise known as Psy, the Korean pop artist blowing up big time.

BritBrit stopped by with Simon Cowell to promote the X Factor. Ellen asked her about tweeting that she wanted to learn Psy’s signature horsey giddy up dance from the blockbuster Gangham Style video.

Does Federline Look A Little, Um, Pallid?

CELEBUDANTE PARIS HILTON DIDN’T WASTE TIME POOH-POOHING speculation that she was doing the nasty with Kevin Federline. The Hilton heiress and the Sperm donator two spent the last days of December partying in Sin City together, setting tongues wagging. But Paris shot down talk that the two were anything more than playas running in the same circle. Apparently even Paris has her standards, and Kevin Federline doesn’t muster. Surely they were both just trying for more face time in the media when they agreed to be snapped together?

Frankly, Paris looks like she comes from a lot healthier gene pool than Federline, who appears in photos as more than a little slimy, and I mean literally. He’s got this skiny skin, and despite the great facial bone structure, his skin is the pasty color of mashed potatoes. Perhaps Kevin has been doing a little too much partying? Or perhaps he just gets too little sleep or sunshine. Yes, I know his media machine has rescued his image, reframing him as "father of the year." But Crabby asks, as she has before, why is there never any photos of K-Daddy with wee babes in arms? The only photos I’ve ever seen are of Sean and Jayden with the bodyguard, nanny and grandma (God help them!). And it was the bodyguard that Brit refused to turn the boys over to last weekend at the end of her monitored play time. La La Land gossips have reported that it was the paid goons who called Kevin, who then thoughtfully called his attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan. If I were closer to the source, I’d be swinging down to the cop shop for a transcript of the 911 call to Brit’s house. Who made the call? What did they say? And was Federline’s attorney really at Brit’s house?

If the Mrs. Federline could actually keep a lawyer on retainer (the list is getting shorter), I would argue that it is only fair that the other half of this failed match be subjected to the same required drug testing as her. Oh, and by the way, who was watching the boys when Federline was partying all night in Las Vegas? Let me guess: the bodyguards and nannies. Yep, he’s a swell daddy.

Who Let The Fox Into The Nut House?

IF YOU NEEDED FURTHER EVIDENCE OF THE POOR JUDGMENT OF BRITNEY SPEARS’ PARENTS, you got it Saturday when gossips reported that Lynn and Jamie Spears invited TV’s pseudo shrink Dr. Phil to visit their daughter at Mt. Cedars Sinai Hospital. Confirming that Britney is smarter than people give her credit for, the poor little pop star apparently did an about-face upon seeing the shiny bald head invading her personal space and would have nothing to do with the so-called "television intervention" that Dr. Phil was prescribing for next week’s broadcast. I can practically hear the saliva dripping from Dr. Phil’s lips all the way from La La Land. THANK GOD Britney gave him the boot. Because that is the last thing that anyone who actually cared for Britney, that is anyone with sense, would want for her. Dr. Phil is sly enough to know that the elder Spears’ fit the profile of the typical sort who grace his studios: nincompoops who are witless enough to believe that Dr. Phil really "cares." Or even after all these years, who still desperately believe that having face time on TV validates your existence. W-T-F are they thinking? Daytime TV is a spectacle of dysfunction, and watching it a sport for the unenlightened. It’s what the Romans would have done if the had had television instead of the Coliseum. Britney’s daily life is already a manic grab for the spotlight, if only to fill the void inside her. And why is that such a surprise? She grew up under the camera’s watchful eye and knows that it morphs her into whatever people want her to be. Do you want to think of her as a virgin? Then she’s a virgin? Do you want to think of her as a wayward scamp? Then she’ll be a wayward tart. Do you want to think she’s a lesbian? Then she’ll kiss Madonna and make you wonder. Do you want her to be beautiful? Then she’ll dye her hair and wear it in a come-hither style. Do you think she’s losing it? Then she’ll cut off those tresses just to confirm the rumor for you. What Brit needs is TIME OUT. The question is whether Britney can ever believe she would be worth something without attention. Yes, Britney, you are. But only you can make yourself believe that; you have to stop listening to people who only want to use you for their own gain. That includes Dr. Phil. Don’t listen to the rabble who try to eat you and your young each and every news cycle..

The Monsters that Created Britney’s Delusional Entitlement

THE EXPECTATION OF PERFECTION IS THE WORLD’S PRICE FOR THE TITLE POP PRINCESS. But when you become a former pop princess, nothing less than imperfection will do. Put yourself in Britney’s shoes: Nothing she does is right in the eyes of the world. And without question she has made mistakes of poor judgment. She married Kevin Federline. She drove with Baby Sean in her lap when he was only months’ old, like he was some pedigree pooch preened over by its owner. The boy purportedly fell from a high chair. Britney allegedly fed him pop from the bottle, and then sought teeth whitening for the premature cover boy, which is cuckoo to anybody who lives outside of LaLaLand.

Except for the teeth whitening, such misdemeaors of mothering can be witnessed in virtually any household with tots younger than two. But if you were weaned on Hollywood’s poison potion, propelled by your own mother into stardom as a preteen, used for profit or gain by every living soul you’ve ever met, idolized by the teeming, screaming masses, enslaved by the maw of a voracious media, it should be no surprise to anyone when delusional entitlement becomes your world view. Somewhere along the line in order to learn right from wrong, someone has to teach you the difference. But when you’re being groomed for pop stardom, no one tells you the truth. The King has no clothes only after he loses his crown.

Such an abrupt change-of-fortune could leave anyone defiant and in denial even before they are forced to submit to unforgiving judges, court monitors and paparrazi. When once everyone tripped over themselves to tell you you’re perfect, now they can’t wait to trump your tiniest flaws. You must now pay double for your once-overlooked sins, and your biggest sin is refusing airbrushed perfection — even going so far as to — horror! — cutting your blonde locks for the cameras in the biggest sybolic "fuck you" ever to the world. So now Britney pays for her willfull violation of the rules. But she still doesn’t understand just how completely her fortunes have changed, and she skips depositions, ignores her lawyers, and finally locks herself in the closet to keep the one thing, the only thing that is real in her life: her children Sean and Jayden. And they call that crazy. Contrarily, I wonder if perhaps, finally, the dim light of reality has finally crept beneath the door’s crack..