By Karen Malmquist
LORENZO, WHY SO STUBBORN? On Tuesday’s Snooki & J-Woww, Nicole is nearing “D” day, but the baby is giving her hell on the way out.
Nicole is experiencing the worst pain of her life, crying and saying she’s over being pregnant. Jionni comforts her and says that she’ll feel better soon.
Meanwhile, Jenni and Roger throw a barbecue, and while they’re quietly sitting on the deck together, her dad goes into Uncle Nino mode. Roger gives him some swim trunks, so he hops into the hot tub with the bikini-clad Renee. Although she’s laughing, Jenni says that he’s turning into Vinny’s infamous uncle, to which he says, “I don’t have a cane. I have another kind of wood!” What a class act.
Roger decides to take Jionni out to do some “man stuff” together, since he can tell the dad-to-be is feeling a little overwhelmed lately. As they’re hitting some golf balls somewhere, Jionni asks is Roger is thinking about proposing to Jenni. Roger says that for the first time, it looks like they’re both ready for marriage, so getting engaged is the next step for them. When Roger gets home to the woman he’s going to propose to, he steps in a fresh pile of her dog’s poop.
At the La Valle’s, Nicole and Jionni decide to do a dry run for when it’s time to deliver. She pretends to have her water break, and Jionni brings the video camera to record the fake biggest moment of their lives. Nicole decides to act as crazy as she would be if she really were giving birth, so she yells for a while on the way to the hospital. They’re supposed to be going to a hospital that’s four miles away, but Jionni ends up getting lost, and it takes them 25 minutes to get there. On the 7-minute drive home, Nicole pees her pants.
The next day, they go to Lamaze class. Nicole thinks it’s going to be dumb, and it feels a little awkward with only one other couple there. When they look at the different labor positions on the chart in the front of the room, they can’t stop laughing being it looks like the woman is pooping. The other couple silently pays attention to the instructor.
Jenni and Nicole go shopping for a dress to wear when Nicole leaves the hospital. While she’s trying on dresses, she starts getting bad cramps again. They’re supposed to go wedding dress shopping later that day, but Jenni takes Nicole home instead, feeling sad that her little meatball is in so much pain.
At 3:21am, Nicole suddenly wakes up and goes to the bathroom. She discovers that the mucus plug has fallen out, so she calls for Jionni. He rushes to her side, helps her with breathing. He calls the doctor, who says it’s normal to happen right before labor, and to call when the labor pains start coming. Jionni’s mom comes down to help Nicole, and sits with them for the next couple hours when the contractions start. They call Nicole’s parents, who rush to the house so they can all go to the hospital together.
The doctor at the hospital tells them that they still have a while before they can start the epidural or anything, so everyone goes home to wait it out before the real thing starts. When Nicole gets home, she calls Jenni, who’s on her way to the gym with Roger. Now that they know this baby coming, Roger suggests they skip the gym and get ready to go to the hospital. Aww.
Jenni and Roger head over to the La Valle’s to help however they can. They decide to put together Lorenzo’s changing station while they wait to go to the hospital.
It’s finally time! They head to the hospital after several hours of waiting, and the contractions get their strongest around midnight. Nicole is freaking out, while Jenni is so tired she’s starting to get loopy in the waiting room.
Nicole is shaking like a little baby deer in her hospital bed, and while they’re close to seeing the baby’s head, we’ll have to wait until next week to see the actual birth. Are we ready, America?
Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and is a member of the Overpopulated Peninsula comedy troupe. You can follow her on Twitter @KarenSays.