PRETTY PETTY
Real Housewives Of Orange County: Alexis’ Shocking Self-Delusion
By Trisha B.
WE PICK UP WITH TAMRA telling Alexis to get the fuck out of her party; Alexis telling the group she’ll gladly leave; and Gretchen clapping her approval. Poor newbie Lydia says the entire argument was like “welcome to crazy town.” But that’s where all the housewives live, Lyd, and now, you do too. And with the continuous feuding between her close friends Tamra and Alexis, what’s a Vicki to do?
Lydia follows Alexis outside and Alexis immediately starts accusing the ladies of bullying her…again. She rails on and on. Lydia commiserates but doesn’t go full, yeah, it was their entire fault. In fact, she actually tells Alexis she wasn’t being bullied. Alexis looks stunned.
Inside, Vicki is trying to defend Alexis but Gretchen isn’t having it. She reminds Vicki about how much crap she went through with the ladies when she was dating Jeff, reminding her how much shit everyone, especially Vicki and Tamra, talked about her. So if Alexis doesn’t want to hear it from them she needs to stay away.
Alexis tells us she never felt so much hate in all her 35 years. Heather tries to diffuse the escalating fight between Gretchen and Vicki and tries to calm Tamra down but she is too far gone. She calls Vicki a shit starter, and tells Heather she can leave too. Vicki tells us anything that comes out of Gretchen is hot air and that she’s just stupid and they begin another back and forth, tit for tat, this time about who is stupid.
Outside, Alexis tells Lydia she’s free to go back in if she wants. Alexis tells us she came to the party for Vicki and she’s rather hurt that she didn’t even bother to come out and check on her. Lydia goes back in to tell Vicki what’s going on. Vicki tells us she’s trying to stay neutral but that she should have gone out with Alexis. She leaves with Lydia and they find Alexis boo-hooing in the car. Meanwhile, just for shits and giggles, Tamra goes outside to spy, defying everyone’s advice.
In the car, Lydia tries to make sense of the situation, telling Alexis the ladies were just giving their points of view, not bullying her. But Alexis still doesn’t buy this and yells at her that she has to take medication because of the way they tore her down last year. Lydia continues to insist it’s not bullying, that people kill themselves over being bullied. So Alexis says what, do I have to slit my writs to be bullied? Tamra, who’s been listening in to this insanity, interrupts and tells Alexis that if she were her she would take a good long look at her life. Alexis says she’s worked through her issues and that she came to the party to support Tamra. Over this, Tamra says Alexis wants to keep pulling the bully card she can go home and be bullied. At this, Alexis tells us she has God on her side. So there.
When Tamra returns to the table she fills the others in, saying Vicki was up Alexis’ ass and Lydia was defending the girls. Vicki and Lydia come back in briefly to say their goodbyes. Heather says they should stay and let Alexis go home. Tamra still questions whose team Vicki is on and Vicki shouts “team Vicki.” Vicki says she thought they broke up and Tamra says they just had a fight. Then they argue about if Vicki ever used the word bully. Vicki insists she didn’t use the word, that she never uses that word, blows kisses and she and Lydia leave. Tamra gives Vicki the finger behind her back.
In the limo Vicki says wow, that was a nice christening of the gym. And that Tamra really has an anger problem. At the party Tamra tells the group Alexis had to go on Xanax because of them. Heather asks why someone would put themselves with people who affect them like that? In the limo, Vicki says Tamra has humiliated every single person she’s come in contact with. She warns that if she goes on like this she’s going to be on an island alone, wondering what happened.
Just in time, the psychic arrives to bless the building. In the limo, Vicki says Gretchen is so disrespectful… and stupid. It’s a group hug and kumbaya before Vicki gets out of the car.
At the party everyone joins hands for the blessing, together they will expel what Tamra calls “evil energy” out of there. Then amra lights candles while wishing herself success and a really hard body.
Over at Vicki’s the baby is sick and Briana is tired. Vicki thinks the baby came just in time to put her and her daughter’s relationship back together. Also, Vicki’s entire family is coming to see the baby. As she admires Briana’s wedding and newly acquired “push” rings we find out Vicki bought her own first and second wedding rings. As they reminisce and look at old photo album pictures of Vicki and the kid’s baby pictures, she tells us she hopes Briana has learned from Vicki’s mistakes. Then she finally gets around to telling Briana about the disa- party. Briana tells us Tamra and Vicki fought because Tamra didn’t like Brooks, and Briana agrees with Tamra.
Gretchen’s all by her lonesome, packing a suitcase surrounded by her tiny dogs. When her friend Victor comes by she tells him she’s going to be with Slade. She tells us his son is not doing well, so she’s going to New York to be with him. She thinks it might be a little awkward since she doesn’t want to intrude on his sons’ mother but she wants to support Slade. Victor will mind the dogs.
Eddie and Tamra are having dinner, Dos Equis tacos. They hold hands across the table as Tamra tells him how her party went all to hell. She says it was awkward and tension-filled, with Alexis having a puss face on the entire time. She calls Alexis full of shit for saying she’s on Xanax because of them. She tells us Vicki and Alexis always act like victims when they get together. Eddie changes the subject to their wedding, saying he doesn’t know anything about weddings or the planning of them. Tamra gets her own puss face on at this revelation. She feels blown off just because he doesn’t want to plan the wedding with her. Now wondering if he really wants to get married. Really? What guy wants to help plan the wedding? It’s odd to me that Tamra doesn’t see this as an opportunity to have EVERYTHING her way with Eddie just writing the checks. Ka-ching!
A caravan of cars pull up to Vicki’s and out pour her mom, two sisters, one brother and a nephew. As every makes themselves comfortable around the bar, Vicki tell us that her family wishes she and Don were still together. Brother Billy says he liked Brooks though. It’s funny but I think mom is the best looking babe in the bunch.
Lydia comes to visit Alexis to find out how she is and help her unpack books. Alexis tells her she’s still in disbelief about the party, and constantly asking herself if it really happened. Lydia says it was totally ridiculous. Alexis thinks the ladies should have acted like the 40-year-old women they are and that they all owe her apologies. Lydia says Jesus says you need to forgive. She also says she wouldn’t have gone if she was Alexis. Lydia asks why they’re all against her and Alexis says she doesn’t know, didn’t she see what happened at the party, they all just jumped on her for no reason. And that Lydia needs to ask them why they always gang up on her. Lydia asks her if she’ll meet with Heather, that Heather is a nice person. When Alexis immediately says she isn’t interested, Lydia says she can see why they don’t like her, any criticism is met by defensiveness. She’s a pretty perceptive chickie.
Over at Vicki’s, she’s showing off her backyard “grotto.” Her mom is telling Ryan that Vicki “needs to be careful with ‘golddigger’ guys.” Vicki tell us she likes having Ryan there as a man around the house, but she’s given up some privacy and, opening her eyes really wide, says “Ryan is always watching me.” She feels like she can’t have a date to the house.
In another part of the house, Ryan and Billy talk about Brooks. Ryan says he just put up cameras. Ooooh, Vicki was right, he is always watching her. Ryan, sounding more like a dad than a son-in-law, tells Billy he and Briana would love Vicki to have someone special, but they want it to be someone good. Then he tells Billy a story about Brooks making eyes at and lewd remarks about other women while they were vacationing and how Vicki didn’t want to hear it. Billy says if he’s around, Ryan will have to make amends with him but Ryan insists he won’t because Brooks is not coming around as long as he’s in the house.
Vicki and Billy meet up with her son, Michael, at a restaurant for lunch. She would have dropped in but he hasn’t given her his address. She’s known to drop in at inappropriate times, as we see a flashback to where she did just this while he was with friends.
They talk about Ryan controlling the house with cameras. Billy says just because he pays rent doesn’t mean he says what goes on at that house. Michel seems to still speak to Brooks and he doesn’t get the animosity of Briana and Ryan. And that’s, oddly, where the episode ends.
Trisha B. is the most astute Housewives recapper on the Internet.
