By Trisha B.
PREPARE TO GET REALLY FULL AS THE ACTION GOES from meal to meal, lunch to drinks to dinner. Ramona is having a post vacation dinner and guess who isn’t invited — Carole, Heather and Aviva!
But the first guest is Pamela Morgan, chef and owner of FLAVORS, a cookbook and an event and catering company. As her website bio states: Pamela is highly regarded as a special event planner, culinary consultant, cookbook author, food & entertaining editor for Hamptons’s Cottages and Gardens, culinary instructor and owner of FLAVORS. She is a member of Les Dames D’Escoffier, a leadership organization. Hoity, toity indeed. But she’s really just the hired help.
She’s there to help husbands Mario and Jacques prepare dinner for their wives and Sonja. Ramona tells us she’s going to behave as the Countess would and keep her mouth shut. She’s going to pretend Toma’s visit to the villa never happened. She all but made the key in the lock thing over her mouth. And… since LuAnn doesn’t realize this yet, she’s all over Jacques tonight, kissing and hugging. She tells us that all the PDA is to show him how much she loves him. We know it’s her guilty conscience.
As the husbands don aprons, Ramona takes LuAnn and Sonja into another room to rag on Aviva. Ramona’s immediately animated, arguing with LuAnn that she wanted Reid to go a hotel as much as Ramona did. Sonja says she’s happy Reid brought his wife, deposited her with her girlfriends and, poof, disappeared. And then, she says, Aviva went crazy batshit and she still doesn’t understand why. Ramona agrees that was not the Aviva she knew in New York. She says Aviva’s real anxiety problem wasn’t flying in the little plane, it’s not being with Reid. That she needs to be near Reid at all times and that it was Aviva, Aviva, Aviva, the whole time. Jacques walks into this nest to announce dinner.
Sonja tells us she assumes LuAnn and Jacques talked “St. Barths” out and are moving on. She and Ramona keep hyping each other up about Aviva until Ramona wants an apology and Sonja pronounces her “a buzzkill and she’s not even here.”
Probably on the Lower East Side, Carole and Heather meet for drinks at a gay bar to get drunk and forget about St. Barths. They chat about their relationships until their chocolate vodka drinks arrive. When Carole calls Aviva “a little self-righteous,” Heather agrees she was a bit schoolmarm. Then Carole tells Heather Aviva was a “run-away bride!” Heather is astonished to hear she was engaged to be married, with 250 guests, in Jamaica no less. And she called it off! They both laugh and laugh. Heather says if Carole had told her that before St. Barths she wouldn’t have believed it. But now, she definitely thinks Aviva has enough balls to have done something like that. That would take some brass.
They must be feeling the vodka, ’cause when Carole tells Heather she wants all the gays to go back in the closet so there will be more men to date, Heather tells this to the group of guys closest to them. For Carole, they look ready to comply. God, everyone loves her. Even Heather, and she tells her so. Carole is touched and hugs her and they kiss and bond and it’s just the sweetest thing since Hershey squares. With that they stumble, arm in arm, out of the bar and into what they call, “the best city in the world.”
Heather and LuAnn are dining on sushi at the Blue Fin. Heather wants to hear LuAnn’s opinion on what happened at St. Barths. She believes the relationship between Aviva and Ramona is fractured, but maybe Aviva and Sonja can make up. She says everything can be fixed but the people have to want it. She tells us she wants to bring up LuAnn’s lie about the Italians but is hesitant. When she asks how LuAnn and Jacques are doing, LuAnn says she’s going to try IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). Heather’s a bit shocked by this, she just wanted to know how things were between them after she returned home but, damn, LuAnn went right to baby. Luann says they’re moving forward but Heather says she thinks LuAnn is either trying to sell her or herself that everything is going perfectly. If you get dazzled by a Johnny Depp lookalike while on vacation, and probably screwed him, everything isn’t OK.
Heather and Carole, each taking an arm, help Aviva navigate the slippery floor of a restaurant. Shortly after they’re seated, Aviva says coming home from vacation felt like an escape from Alcatraz. Carole says you don’t really know people ’till you go away with them. But she also tells us she thinks Aviva should stop analyzing the situation and get on with life. But Aviva’s not ready for that, saying Ramona just wanted Sonja there as a drunken sidekick, eager to kick Aviva about her phobias. She again calls their behavior “disgusting.”
Heather tells her that Sonja is a fun time girl who’s having problems, that they do want to support her and that Aviva shouldn’t lump Sonja and Ramona together. Carole says she should sit down with Sonja and see if they can talk. She tells us that Aviva did go a little mean girl on them. Aviva’s not having it. She thinks the two of them were ungracious and unkind. And she not finished yet… She calls Ramona cheesy and low class. Can’t wait til Ramona reads that lil’ tidbit in US.
Carole meets Sonja in a large square somewhere. They’re going shopping for shirts at a store owned by a friend of Sonja’s. As they enter the store, Carole tells us she likes Sonja and wants to know what makes her act so recklessly. But that line of questioning is delayed as she recognizes Sonja’s “friend” Peyman Umay, a Frenchman and designer of “bespoke (custom made)” clothing. Also, a guy Carole went out on a date with in an earlier episode. He fakes surprise and she feigns shock. It’s the fashion designer guy she didn’t quite hit it off with. Everyone says, “This is…” and stops talking. It’s very awkward but he is nice to look at during this pause.
As Peyman opens a bottle of wine he asks Carole why he didn’t receive a phone call. Oh no, she embarrassed and turns read. She tells us she thought she would never see him again and that karma is a bitch! As soon as he leaves the room, Sonja, with a French accent, says, “he wants Ca-Role.” Then talk immediately turns to the trip. Carole tells Sonja it wasn’t the trip she thought it would be, she never thought that things would explode. Sonja pleads her case but Carole tells us she was so hammered she probably doesn’t really remember anything. Sonja’s adamant that it was just a fun, crazy trip. She says that on vacation people party, they get their periods, they break glasses. O….K.
Eat, drink eat. Now it’s Aviva and Heather and I realize we never really see anyone eat or drink anything. Talk starts off about the kids, doctors visits, the trip.
Then Aviva, serious as a heart attack, tells her, once again, it was one of the worst times she’s ever had in her life. Heather just nods sadly and tells us in a confessional that for someone who had the WORST time she sure loves to relive it. Aviva goes on and on, she expected bonding, dinners, fun. Heather says all that happened but Aviva missed it. That all that went on before Aviva got there. Or, in other words, the fun stopped when you arrived, girl. Hmmmmm.
But Aviva has no time to check herself, she has other people to blame. She accuses the gruesome twosome of being extremely drunk and acting insane. Heather, extremely tired of this storyline, says they’re just party girls on vacation, letting loose. So Aviva claims they were bullying her about having Reid there. On and on and on, apologies, no apology, moving on. My God, will she get over this, for my sanity if for nothing else. So she moves her argument to the state of Florida, saying she put up with a lot of stuff in Miami, too. Heather tells her, ya gotta move on. Heather is a good friend and cast mate to continually listen to this claptrap.
Sonja’s in her East Side mansion, trying to figure out something on her cell, when Ramona comes to visit. They retire to the bedroom and Ramona climbs in bed. Sonja lounges on a chair nearby as she tells us she entertains everyone in her bed. She tells Ramona she’s meeting her ex, who she hasn’t seen in years and whom she only talks to about her daughter. They’re divorced but there’s been no settlement yet. Meaning… no real moolah yet.
Ramona tells us Sonja’s still in love with him. She gives Sonja her best wide-eyed, crazy burning stare and looks a little horrified as Sonja tells her how she’s going to do her hair and makeup, and show a little boob, for the meeting. Sonja says she wants him to remember her the way she was, that she hopes he comes to his senses and they come to a settlement, emotionally and financially. She says that $7 million judgment against her and no settlement makes for many sleepless nights. Ramona suggests selling the house but Sonja say she’s not a renter. But, if she doesn’t get a settlement she may lose the house.
Oh Lord, Aviva’s waiting in a restaurant for Sonja. Sigh. Things start off cordially. Aviva says she’s ambivalent about Sonja, it’s Ramona she hates. She tells Sonja she loves her and thought of her as brilliant and compassionate and loving… before the trip. Aviva says she was hurt about the girls trip/boys trip thing but she didn’t mean to hurt Sonja’s feelings. Sonja says she’s sorry she didn’t get the welcome she deserved but, hey, she didn’t have to call her white trash. Sonja can’t have a friend like that, so they can just both say they’re sorry and move on.
Aviva says she was duped by Ramona. She tells us she had heard Ramona was crazy and then she found out herself. She tries to explain her white trash comment by blaming Ramona for being selfish instead of welcoming. Sonja says there was no issue until Aviva blew up and that she can’t take those words back and she shouldn’t have been lumped in the mess in the first place. Aviva keeps grasping, insulting Sonja by telling her she’s better than she acted in St. Barths and Aviva didn’t expect them to disrespect her husband. Sonja tells her, hey, it’s over… that she can’t have someone in her life that says those kinds of things, and kicks her when she’s down. She asks Aviva to stop telling her about her feelings because, uh, she don’t care.
On and on they go, both are hurt. Aviva says she didn’t freak out, she got angry. Sonja says that’s not acceptable, and anyway, Aviva acts like she thinks she’s better than Sonja. Oh no she didn’t… Aviva tells her it’s sad to see her spiraling down. Sonja says someone who cares wouldn’t say that. Aviva tells us it’s embarrassing to be around Sonja when she’s drunk. Sonja finally throws in the napkin, literally, puts on her hat, says Aviva obviously doesn’t want any new friends and walks out.
Next week, Ramona has Aviva’s oily dad, George, removed from a domestic violence charity event. That’ll go a long way to heal their friendship.
Trisha B. covers the Real Housewives of New York for Crabby Golightly. Follow her on Twitter at TrishaBTV