WTF
Real Housewives Of New York: Livin’ La Viagra Loca
CAROLE CHARMS SONJA’S OLD GEEZER AND Ramona can’t wrap her head around Aviva’s many fake legs.
Carole’s working in her living room and talking to her sister in law on the phone. She tells us again that she just has to finish her new book. Since it’s been optioned for a TV show the pressure is enormous now. She has the most amazing animal skin couch. Amazing (scroll down), I tell ya. But I digress. She’s going to Miami to meet the girls but is only staying one night. While getting ready to pack she calls Aviva to ask about the weather, walking barefoot around her very expensive looking apartment. Aviva tells her Ramona just goes on and on and we learn Carole has nicknamed her Bunny for just that reason.
She limos over to pick up Sonja, they exchange two cheek kisses, and are off to the airport.
They chat about having cocktails with Aviva and doing face yoga exercises with Carole’s friend, Ranjana. Sonja is up for it but…, after a mimosa. They arrive at Ranjana’s apartment which is just as fucking fab as Aviva’s. It’s a penthouse in what Ranjana calls the coolest part of Miami, the performing arts district, which houses some pretty price condos. Soon after, Aviva and Ramona arrive. After admiring the place Ramona blurts out, “Ya buy cheap to sell high.” Ranjana, who, I believe, thinks she’s already in the high, gets frowny. Carole calls Ramona embarrassing. To break the awkward mood, they all go outside to the pool.
As Aviva disrobes to her bikini Ramona makes a big deal out of her getting her fake leg wet. Aviva never wants to a big deal of her leg but energizer bunny known as Ramona cannot be stopped. Ranjana, ignoring her, gets in the pool and wades while telling the women about face yoga and how it keeps her looking so young. They all are in awe of her smooth, beautiful 56-year-old face. Soon, they all start exercising, stretching their necks, since, as Ramona says, “What’s the first to go? A woman’s NECK!”
But she tells us she also thinks they all look ridiculous. As she and Sonja elbow each other and giggle on the side of the pool, Carole tells us they should both take it more seriously since they can both use it. Rwaarr. Carole, wearing her little cat smile, tells us she can’t teach them manners.
Meanwhile, Ramona goes on about Aviva’s leg — how she shouldn’t get it too wet; do they need a blow dryer for it? Really being obnoxious, even grabbing a towel and ordering Aviva out of the pool, supposedly because of her leg. OMG, she needs to give it a break.
For some reason Ramona tells us that she’s nervous to meet Aviva’s father, George, since he’s so sexual. Can’t explain why it affects her since he’s being introduced to Sonja. Carole is the first to arrive and when she’s chatting with Aviva and the husbands, Aviva tells her the area they’re in is like Park Avenue or the Upper East Side of Miami. My guess is it’s a bit upscale from Ranjana or else why would she even mention it. Aviva intimates to Carole that it’s been a three-ring circus with the Singers and Sonja around, she continues to urge the giggling twosome of Ramona and Sonja to get their asses dressed and out of the bathroom.
Sonja doesn’t like the rushing and wonders why Aviva is on their asses. Ramona says it’s because she and Aviva grew so close in New York and now she and Sonja are having so much fun together. In other words, Aviva is jealous. Ha. In the living room, Aviva complains to Carole about the attention Ramona called to her leg and how it bothered her. Carole tells us she’ll come to Aviva’s defense if it happens again but that she needs to speak up as well.
Oh, time to meet daddy. Dapper gray-haired, rich daddy George arrives to meet the Sonja and greets all the ladies with kisses. He looks like he smells good. Meanwhile, somehow chatter turns to the serial dater, Aviva’s ex, Harry. George asks for Scotch and finds out that’s Sonja’s drink too! Carole starts flirting immediately, she just can’t help herself. She realizes George says what exactly is on his mind and she can see why Aviva and Ramona have become such besties. Since it’s all in good fun, Mario says he will allow George to flirt with but not date his wife. The ladies bring up and demonstrate some face yoga exercises and the men call them very sexual. But George has to take it one step further. He gives what he calls “a man face” by flicking out his tongue and wagging it up and down. It’s quite long. We all know that universal sign. He is quite the character seeing as how he just met these people two minutes ago.
Sonja tells us she’s charmed by George because he looks like money and has a lot of real estate. That is charming. The mysterious Harry, I hope we get to meet this guy, is brought up again and Ramona wonders why Aviva keeps talking about her ex husband in front of her current husband. She finds it strange and makes a face. Carole says dinner was awkward since Ramona tried to control all the conversation, telling them what they can and cannot talk about. Aviva brings up the Kobe beef hot dog and when Mario says they were all thinking about him George says, “Thanks for the compliment.” Ha.
Suddenly, maybe because she doesn’t like the direction of the conversation, Ramona gets up and goes into the kitchen to question the staff while they’re trying to work. At the table, George and Carole, seated next to each other, are chatting away when he nonchalantly tells her he can give her her first screaming orgasm. This tickles her and she covers her face. Mario overhears this and promptly, in a spray of alcohol, spits out his drink. While Sonja looks on, George and Carole continue to giggle with each other. Bon Appetit.
The next day the entire gang head over to George’s fab pad to hang out. George gives Sonja a long bear hug and says he longed for her last night as he sets his bedroom eyes on her bikini bod and luscious legs. They all head to the beach and as soon as they settle, Ramona complains she’s cold. The wind is whipping up a bit, but no one else is complaining.
The ocean is bluer than blue and it’s Sonja’s turn to flirt with George now. Ramona sees this and tells us she doesn’t think he has much of a chance with her. He looks good on the beach but all this sexual innuendo is almost too much. Ugh, then he tells Sonja sleeping with him would be like sleeping with her grandfather.
Aviva is embarrassed but amused, it’s her dad and she’s used to him. Can’t change him at this late date. Then Sonja tells us she’s not a prude but George might be even too much for her. You can see her impatience with him. They’ve quickly had enough of the beach so they all head for the Jacuzzi. Sans George, who worries he may get erect. Yes, he said that. And who does he think he’s fooling? Unless he already took his Viagra.
Oh God, as soon as Aviva slides into the hot tub, Ramona is on the “ don’t get the leg wet” thing again. You can see from Aviva’s face she is not happy. I think Aviva knows what she can and cannot do with her leg. Ramona doesn’t continue and it’s a good thing because Aviva tells us if Ramona kept on going she was going to have to tell her what she really thought about her bathing suit. It is a little shiny and cheap looking for Ms. Ramona “Manhattan/Hamptons” singer. Hot salsa plays as the group walks by the restaurants and clubs on the main strip of South Beach, headed to an art exhibit at a swanky nightclub. They grab a large covered bed when they arrive. Uh-oh, suddenly George pokes Sonja with his erection and she’s skeeved. But, she tells us, at least she knows it works! He’s sticking to her like glue now but she’s over it. You can tell. She finally manages to get away when Aviva takes her to view the art.
Back in New York, Carole is shopping with LuAnn. When Carole brings up Ranjana, LuAnn excitedly tells her about meeting Ranjana and her husband. Carole tells us it stills bugs her that LuAnn asked for a free dress. When she cautiously brings it up, LuAnn innocently says she was doing a big photo shoot and thought he might want her to wear something of his. Carole wants to laugh at this but instead says diplomatically, well, people like Michelle Obama wear his clothing. In other words he doesn’t need a mere “Real Housewife” to tout him. Carole says she’s protective of her friends and tells LuAnn that she should ask her first next time. LuAnn agrees saying she didn’t want to offend anyone. Carole says only a diva like LuAnn would think that Naheen would benefit from her wearing his clothes. It’s all very awkward so Carole makes a joke and they go back to looking at earrings.
Back in Miami, Aviva and Sonja are perusing when Aviva tells Sonja she wants to talk to her about something. Sonja thinks it’s about George, but it’s about Ramona and her leg remarks. Sonja tries to defend Ramona but pretty much says Aviva has to confront her. She tells her that when she gets fed up with Ramona she will tell her to leave her house. Poor Aviva, Sonja thinks she is going through Ramona overload. I think she finally realizes Ramona is OK only in small doses.
When they rejoin the group Sonja is asked if she’s like to see George again. She tells us sure, in a room with 500 people, but not in a dark alley. As we fade we hear George saying “Come on, Sonja.”
Next week, another party with a band, singing about wanting to fuck someone in the ass. Should be interesting.
Trisha B. covers the Real Housewives of New York for Crabby Golightly. Follow her on Twitter at TrishaBTV.
