AT A PARTY, LUANN AND RAMONA CONTINUE TO ARGUE about the nasty wine trick; Carole’s planned trip for the ladies to St. Bart’s may be sans Aviva; and Sonja seems to think she’s Heather’s client, but nooooo, honey, Heather says her clients PAY. She’s helping Sonja out of pure friendship, but it looks like that might not last too much longer.
We’re still at that party, watching Ramona hover over Heather again, swearing she hears her talking about her. But Heather’s confronting Aviva about the group talking about Jacques as soon as he walked out the door. We, again, see Ramona stomp by her, yelling that she’s better stop talking about her. “She’s sick of it!,” she says.
Heather, again, tells anyone who will listen that that’s Ramona’s MO, just walking away, thinking the world revolves around her, that someone’s talking behind her back. Carole says everyone is talking about everyone while Mario insists his wife is not crazy. While Heather rails on with Mario, he hits her with her non-invite of his wife to London and how it was a major diss. While this is going on, Ramona and Sonja, heads together, giggle drunkenly in another room.
Heather insists Ramona needs to come talk to her since she thought their issues were resolved. It goes on and one until Mario can’t take anymore and walks away for a drink. Then Heather turns to Aviva and wonders why she couldn’t defend HER. Is Ramona paying her or something? Gosh, Ramona is driving girlfriend bonkers. Aviva says she can’t defend calling someone’s wife crazy. Oh really, this entire conversation is CRAZY. Oh god, Aviva and Heather are at it now about who invited or didn’t invite who to where, when and whyyyyy.
Then Ramona comes back and immediately starts talking major shit about Heather. Meanwhile, Heather sits back in an interview and tells us that Ramona’s messing with fire and if you get too close to fire… you will get burned. Snap, snap, snap, go run and tell THAT! Heather is so gangsta.
Besties Ramona and Sonja are in the plastic surgeon’s office for a little maintenance before the trip to St. Bart’s. Sonja complains about some imperfection she sees on her stomach that I cannot see, but of course the doctor sees it and she gets a needle in her midsection. Ramona need a firmer ass so she’s getting butt injections. She freaks when she sees the liquid and says the color looks like blood in somebody’s piss. They both look perfect so I really don’t get it, but I guess that’s how they stay looking that way.
Aviva and LuAnn are at a spinning class at Soulcycle. It’s a charity event but LuAnn seems to have forgotten that, which makes Aviva look distressed. She thought they were there for the exercise? The foundation, One Step Ahead, works with children with missing legs. She’s a little pissed because Sonja and Ramona can’t make it. Heather is there and Carole arrives late, in the middle of a speech by the instructor. When she’s finished Aviva gives a brief bio of her life and thanks everyone for coming.
Class begins (and I have flashbacks to the one spinning class I ever took. It was fun but I never went back.) The instructor looked up LuAnn’s Money Can’t Buy You Class on Youtube and it plays as background. LuAnn wants it turned up and she can’t stop grinning. Carole calls it goofy. Heather tells us that though she was disappointed in Aviva, she’ll still support her. Aviva tells us this wasn’t about wine, or clothing lines, it was about helping children. She tells Carole she’s bummed they didn’t come, she says they would have come if it was a party and there was food, cameras and a red carpet. “Hrumph!.
Aviva and Carole window shop then drop into a jewelry store to check out baubles to wear with their bikinis. Aviva tells her that her panic disorder will probably keep her from the trip. Remember, she can’t handle the small planes. Like anyone can, like anyone loves it. Carole says she’s not thrilled flying in small planes either but she doesn’t have a phobia about it. Aviva tells us that Carole is so peaceful and calm, but she’s lost her husband and some friends and you’d never know she’s had such trauma in her life. They talk about odds of the plane crashing and Aviva asks what are the odds a six year old would lose a foot? Carole says she should still try to come. They talk about sex and St. Bart’s and not being able to get on a plane alone versus being with your husband.
Ramona breezes into a store to shop for bathing suits with LuAnn. She tells LuAnn she’s never seen her in a bikini and LuAnn says shopping for bikinis is best done alone, like masturbating. Ramona, prude that she is, raises her eyebrows as she repeats, “masturbating?” Ramona tells us that LuAnn wasn’t nice but she’s going to let it go since they’re going to St. Bart’s together.
While Ramona models a couple of cute suits, LuAnn tries on long flowing dresses, which are more her style. They wonder if Aviva is going to go on the trip, and if so, with or without Reid. Ramona wonders again how Aviva survived Vassar without him. They insist she needs to face her fears but then Ramona says she doesn’t want to hold her hand the entire time either. They laugh about taking turns holding her hand throughout the trip.
Aviva arrives at her foundation building for a meeting with her director Eric. She has Carole and her son along as well. Eric tells her she’s going to witness young man, Jake, receive his first “running legs.” Carole reminisces that one of her first television assignments was a story was about prosthetic legs in Cambodia, how they made them from bicycle parts. After Jake gets his new legs he immediately tries to run across the floor. It was a really sweet moment and then we see Aviva guiding him out on the sidewalk as he proudly struts down the block. Carole’s glad she was there.
Carole visits Ramona at her lavish apartment, of course Sonja is already there. There’s a butler serving the wine. As they’re chatting Sonja seems not to have known that Ramona also missed Aviva’s event. Ramona says she was red and her skin looked like it was on fire! Sonja’s dog lost his bladder control and that meant he was going to die so she had to take him to the vet. Carole tells them that Aviva was really hurt that they didn’t make it and she tells us that if you promise to be at an event you should be there. Ramona and Sonja hold hands in support as they plead their cases to Carole — dying dog, dying dog, splattering all over the house; red, red, red! Blah, blah, blah.
Aviva enters the apartment in a festive red dress, armed with a bottle of wine. She compliments Ramona’s apartment as they all grab flutes of champagne and clink glasses. Ramona arranges them at the table for lunch. As she grandly presents Aviva with a check for her charity, Sonja looks annoyed. She says she has to support her own charities and doesn’t have a check for Aviva. Aviva says she’s disappointed but Ramona says “just tell us you’re pissed.” Ramona begins her tale of woe again, telling Aviva about her face being on fire. Sonja begins blabbing about the loss of bladder control and goes on and on until her voice starts to quaver. Carole is clearly annoyed now herself as she sternly tells us she told Sonja not to bring up the dog.
Carole, sitting next to her, says she can feel the anger radiating from Aviva as Sonja goes on and on about the dog problems. When Sonja stops blathering, Aviva tells Ramona she should have scheduled her appointment for another day and Sonja should have had someone else take her dog to the vet. Because, “THIS WAS NOT ABOUT me or my charity, it was about THE CHILDREN WHO DON’T HAVE LEGS!!!!!,” Aviva shouts. At this Sonja goes the fuck off, turning as red as Ramona says she was the other day. She says no one else is taking her dog to the vet! They both tell Aviva she’s getting out of line. But Aviva is not backing down. Carole is silent through all this.
But she finally chimes in, trying to calm things down when Aviva tells Sonja and Ramona that excuses are like assholes, everyone has one. They accuse her of not being sympathetic because she doesn’t have a dog. She says she has children. When she says it didn’t seem like a real dog emergency, Sonja cries as she says, “When a dog loses its bladder control, it’s going to die.”
They calm down as Carole tells Aviva how great she is and the other women have to agree. Aviva thanks Ramona for apologizing but says going forward she’s going to make it clear when something is dear to her and they’re going to show up! We hear Sonja in the background, still upset, saying Aviva obviously isn’t a dog person.
Next week is the start of a three part adventure in St. Bart’s, where LuAnn will have a secret gentleman caller and Aviva calls Sonja and Ramona white trash.
Trisha B. covers the Real Housewives of New York for Crabby Golightly. Follow her on Twitter at TrishaBTV.