By Trisha B.
ANDY COHEN BEGINS PART TWO OF THE REUNION delving into LuAnn’s St. Barths shenanigans with Tomas (in French the ‘s’ is silent, shhhh!), which he calls the biggest scandal in New York Housewive’s history.
We see clips of the ladies dancing on tables in skimpy pirate gear and LuAnn’s instant attraction to the Johnny Depp lookalike. Then of LuAnn, speaking French, warning her friend that no one should know that Tomas was her late night visitor. Carole and Heather giggle over the indiscretion and LuAnn’s insistence her guests were “old Italian friends.”
All the ladies scoff at her story of old Italian friends. LuAnn is contrite and embarrassed but keeps her regal bearing; her face reveals nothing. Andy says he invited Jacques but he declined. When asked, LuAnn says they are still together and very much in love. Tomas was just her ride home and she swears nothing untoward happened at all. She says she couldn’t look Jacques in the face if she had done something. But she’s still pushing the Italian friends line for some reason, adamant that anyone would’ve taken a ride from the hunky Frenchman.
Then she blames her lying on the rationale that Ramona would run with the knowledge and “make a mountain out of a molehill.” Andy asks why she called Jacques from the villa and lied to him. LuAnn says she didn’t lie but Andy insists she did. She very elegantly continues to deny lying. Then he knocks her French, saying viewers said it wasn’t very good, calling it Franglish. She admits she doesn’t speak it well, but boasts that she does speak both French and Italian. Ramona gives her props for speaking any other language.
LuAnn tells the group that when she and Jacques watched the episode together, Jacques said if he didn’t know her he would think she was lying as well. Hahahahaha, she trills. Luann admits she likes to go out and have fun. Ramona alleges that LuAnn likes to go out and fuck, saying LuAnn likes her men. Luann gives her a sideways look, then says Ramona is no Miss Goody Two Shoes and Ramona looks like she wants this conversation to end right now before any of her indiscretions dribble out.
While Ramona gets that slightly cross-eyed, staring at her feet look, Luann continues to stare at her like she has dirt to spill if Ramona wants to go that way.
After LuAnn accuses her St. Barths actions on Tequila, a little tiff develops between her and Carole. When Sonja says that LuAnn is a mother after all, Carole wonders why the hell a good mom is she dipping around with French lovers? But she’s not judging. Tired of her tit for tat with Carole, Luann tells Ramona she’s sorry she lied to her. On the other couch Heather says the truth will set you free. Thank goodness she leaves out the “holla!”
Andy then shows clips of sexy Sonja. We see her flirting with chefs, dancing wildly, enticing Tomas, blurrily nude. Carole tells us again that Sonja was butt-fucked by Tomas. A viewer asks why she wanted LuAnn’s sloppy seconds. LuAnn primly replies that since she didn’t do anything that question is moot. God, another booty questions. One viewer wants to know why she was hitting on the house staff. She answers that they were just as flirty as she was. Aviva gets asked why she’s so moral about Sonja when her father is so loosey goosey with everyone he meets. She gets into the difference between being single and married, which I don’t understand because of the crosstalk, but, it deflects from her father. Ramona and Sonja are asked if they’ve ever swum in the girl pond since they seem to be so touchy feely with each other. They deny any hanky panky.
Oh God, we next take a look at clips of George saying highly inappropriate things to EVERYONE. Even poking Sonja in the ass with his erection. Everyone raises their hands when asked if George is inappropriate. Aviva raises her hand but also sticks up for her dad, especially when asked why she’s pimping for him. Sonja says she let George roll off her back because she didn’t think he was coming from a bad place. Then she says, she overheard Aviva saying she wouldn’t set him up with Carole because she’s a good friend. That offended her. Aviva says she and Carole had gotten so close that it would have felt weird, but she could accept Sonja as a stepmother. She thinks that would be “so cool.” Now that there is weird.
It’s time for “toaster games!” Clips of Sonja and Heather butting heads over fonts and photos, with Heather growing increasing frustration in her interviews. When Andy says he can’t wait to toast a piece of bread in it, Sonja insists it’s ready to go as part of her entire collection. Heather says she thinks she delivered for her. Andy doesn’t think Sonja really properly thanked Heather for all her hard work, but Sonja is still kinda complaining about what she got in return for her no money. Andy continues to try to break through Sonja’s selfish shell, saying that Heather did a lot of work and feels unappreciated. Especially when Sonja brings out more logo proofs, done by her home staff of teenagers. Andy thinks Heather is getting a little pissed off, and she is. Heather is over it and finally gets out what she really feels, telling Sonja, “You wouldn’t know hard work if it bit you in the ass.” Holla! But I bet it wasn’t exactly easy work getting that Morgan.
Luann tries to explain that it’s all over as Sonja keeps pulling out logos and talking about finding a “sexy S.” From her look, I think Heather wants to really punch her out. Heather agrees with Sonja when she says she thinks Heather doesn’t want to work with her anymore.
We seque from Sonja’s creative season to, as Andy says, Sonja’s sad season. We see her crying over the fact that Jacques hasn’t married LuAnn yet; Ramona telling us how much she wants a man; being confronted by Aviva claiming she’s on a downward spiral; Aviva telling us it’s so sad how she let a wealthy man slip through her fingers; her disastrous settlement meeting; the prospect of losing her house; her 18-year-old dog dying. Damn, toted up like that it has been pretty bad for girlfriend. Sonja’s glassy-eyed by upbeat when she tells them she’s going to sell her house in France, although that won’t be enough to settle her $7 million movie lawsuit, but she’s working out an agreement. Things are a little better with the ex, he’s talking to her. She says she feels great now but it’s not very convincing. She looks like she’s barely holding it together. She finally breaks while talking about the last days of her dog, saying it’s the same as having a relative die. By now Ramona is crying as well, so we take a break.
Aviva and Ramona, where did it all go wrong? They were such good friends. How did they go from dinners together to fighting like cats and dogs in St. Barths? Aviva thinks she was duped by Ramona and Ramona thinks Aviva attacks her for no good reason because she has a big stick up her ass. We revisit the infamous kicking out of George. Ramona thinks Aviva has issues and her anger towards Ramona is misplaced. Aviva says she felt sabotaged and betrayed after they arrived on the island. They then go back and forth again about whether it was a girls trip but end up again with the George problem. Sonja says George was in Ramona’s face and that he wouldn’t leave on his own. Ramona throws in that it was a domestic violence event and, and, and… he called her a trailer turd.
Aviva tells Ramona to watch the verbal abuse and Ramona tells her to watch the tape. Andy goes down a list of the awful things Aviva has called Ramona, then asks her why the hell would she want an apology? Aviva says she’s been biting her tongue since Miami and that St. Barths just set her off. She insists Ramona has never apologized and Ramona, exasperated, says she sure has. There’s a lot of crosstalk about Sonja’s partying. Aviva, probably still bothered by the stick remark, just chucks out that her mom died from alcoholism and that’s why she’s “sensitive” about partying and she apologizes for that. She finally admits that they have every right to party on vacation and when she was yelling at Sonja she was yelling at her mother. Awwww. Buzzkill.
A viewer says Jill and Kelly also used to say Ramona needs to curb her consumption, and Andy wonders if Heather and Carole feel the same? Ramona gets pissed at this. She quietly says she doesn’t drink any more than anyone else and she’s sick of hearing that shit. She leans over and tells Andy to cut it out, that she doesn’t want to hear any questions like that. And she means it, she is not happy with this line of questioning. And I don’t think she’s a drunk, she’s a party girl. To me it’s Sonja who tends to get sloppy.
A viewer wants to know why Sonja needs interns. Don’t we all? She pretty much says it’s to tend to all of her needs. And she gives them dinner. She just doesn’t pay them. Well, she does, with fabulousness. Ooooh, we find out Carole did indeed date George Clooney. At this Sonja throws her head like, of course she did! She’s Carole! They all agree Heather got prettier during the season. They ask Aviva to tell her runaway bride story and she relates how she cancelled on 250 people at the last minute. Ramona asks if he wanted her to sign a pre-nup and Aviva, pissed, says “No, check your facts.” Ramona’s like, oh, well, that’s what I heard. Aviva says it’s a nasty thing to say.
Andy asks if Ramona and Aviva feel they’ve resolved some issues. Ramona says she’s going to digest Aviva’s comments but she feels their problems are still unresolved. Aviva just stares at her. Well, there’s always next season.