By Karen Malmquist
THE VERY FORMER MISS USA IS TWIRLING HERSELF into a tizzy over who’s classy and who’s ghetto and who’s the crazy one. (It’s Kenya, people. Kenya’s the crazy the one).
The madness began last week when Kenya started flirting with every man in Anguilla, but specifically Apollo. Phaedra is obviously upset that Kenya asked who she would want Apollo to “have fun” with for a night. Tonight Phaedra and Kenya explain their sides of the story. Kenya says she was just having fun, but Phaedra isn’t playing around.
NeNe says she isn’t too sure about Kenya and Walter’s relationship. Wow, really? Is it because Kenya is smothering Walter with marriage and babies and trying to prove she’s not a psychopath, while he is just going through the motions with her? Or maybe she’s on to something. In addition to her talent for stirring sh— trouble, Nene’s also a psychic.
Porsha lets Cynthia know that Kenya tried to drop it like it’s hot on Peter during the party. Cynthia says she’s gonna let it slide this one time, but tells Porsha that she would never do that to Cordell. Cynthia wouldn’t, but Peter’s mancrush on him seems strong enough…
While the women are busy getting chatty, Peter pulls all the men aside and tells them about his plans for a surprise vow-renewal ceremony with Cynthia. He tells them they’re going to plan a fake “white party” on Sandy Island, and that the prime minister is going to be there and stuff. Anything to make it seem legit, because Cynthia can’t find out. They all love the idea, and Gregg loves it so much that he offers Peter some of his Viagra. Jesus Christ.
At dinner, Walter asks Kenya to step out with him for a minute. She thinks she’s getting proposed to. As usual. Turns out Walter is just asking if Kenya will take part in Cynthia’s vow renewal thing, since Peter wants everyone to be involved, and he’s taken a liking to Walter. Kenya asks if this means she’ll be another bridesmaid, to which Walter says, “Uh… Yes?” Wow, they’re really great together.
All of the ladies get massages the next day, and things get hostile when Kenya starts talking about marriage. NeNe lets her know that she’s suspicious about their relationship. She’s a good judge of character, and thinks their relationship “smells bad.” Kenya says she’s good at relationships, because she’s been proposed to six times. And how did those proposals work out, Kenya?
Everyone has tricked Cynthia into believing this “white party” they’re going to is just some fancy event. The ladies take a boat to the island together, while the men are already there. When they arrive, Cynthia still has no idea what’s going on. She was told it’s some event thing with the Prime Minister, and asks Peter while she was the only one given a bouquet.
Cynthia starts to get emotional when Peter lets her know that they’re “doing it over.” The surprise ceremony is really cute, and everyone hugs each other because they’re so happy that they’re finally having a drama-free wedding. Even Kenya feels the love for about four seconds before getting sad that she’s not the one getting married. Kenya, did you really think these people would want to be present at a surprise wedding for you?
Kandi goes to bed early, but the rest of the ladies sit around outside for some wine. Porsha says how nice it was to get to know Kenya again on this trip, acknowledging that they didn’t get off on the right foot. NeNe asks what went wrong the first time around, and then Porsha tells the Miss America/ Miss USA story to everyone. She remains calm, but Kenya starts saying that she’s too high and mighty to have been “disrespected” the way Porsha did. Porsha still calmly tries to explain the situation, but Kenya stands up and starts yelling about Porsha being irrelevant.
NeNe, Cynthia, and Phaedra just sit back and watch as the two start to jump down each other’s throats. They try to calm the storm after Phaedrea says their fighting is like “Katrina mixed with a Georgia tornado all at once.” NeNe gets up to keep Kenya from attacking Porsha, saying that Kenya is acting like a “wacko.” Kenya says she’s about to fight Porsha when Porsha calls her a tramp.
In her interview, Kenya calls herself intelligent, educated, classy, etc. Yes, the people who make a point of calling themselves those things usually are those things.
Kenya explains to NeNe and Phaedra that she is too classy and fabulous for this. “Gone with the Wind fabulous!” and spins around, twirling her dress with her, because that’s the entire plot of Gone with the Wind, apparently. She twirls around about four more times in that place, before spinning her way back to her room.
Next week, Kenya decides she’s too classy for Anguilla. So she probably gets into a fight with someone else, but at least they all get to return to Atlanta before anything gets too bad.