WHO NEEDS ENEMIES WHEN YOU HAVE FAMILY LIKE THIS?
While the majority of adults on the Real Housewives of New Jersey trip to Napa weren’t behaving appropriately in wine country, at least they were largely getting along. However, even after Kathy tries to have a nice time sitting next to Teresa at dinner, her cousin leaves her out once again.
The families finally leave that glorified pile of dirt upon which they were camping and get back on the road to Napa. The Laurita/ Manzo RV and the Gorga/ Giudice RV separately discuss the things Teresa says in the magazines and her friendship with Jacqueline. Melissa tells Teresa that she shouldn’t keep talking about the other ladies to the press out of respect for everyone else, especially when her words can get twisted just to sell more copies. Teresa agrees, believing this means she’s in the clear now. In her interview, Melissa says things can only go up from there.
Jacqueline says she’s proceeding with caution with Teresa, and Lauren and Albie remind her that Teresa hasn’t really owned up to anything she’s done/ said. Jacqueline acknowledges this, but for some reason still gives Teresa the benefit of the doubt.
After one hell of a road trip, everyone is finally in Napa. On the bus ride to a vineyard, Christopher tells everyone to be on their best behavior during the tour/ tasting. Gee, Christopher, I don’t see how anything could possibly go wrong. Everyone on this trip is extremely mature. Oh, wait. This is the cast of a show on Bravo.
This was supposed to be a tour for just the Manzo/ Laurita boys for business reasons, but somehow everyone is invited. While the men are trying samples, Joe and Joey make inappropriate comments about the wine tasting like their wives and later try and throw grapes into each other’s mouths.
On the bus back, Joe and Albert start arguing about KFC. Who knows why, but Melissa tries to get Joe to settle down by saying KFC is amazing. Chris almost jumps in to try and stop them, but then decides to watch his dad argue about fast food instead. This has to be the most riveting pointless wine-fueled argument to ever air on television.
The families walk to a wine cave for another tasting. While everyone’s trying some fancy new cabernet, Joey jumps on top of a statue of the Lancaster Lion, because it apparently looks like his junk. After Joey is down from the statue, Lauren blindfolds Caroline. Her birthday was last week, so her family wants to do something nice for her. They guide her outside and into the middle for a vineyard for a fancy dinner set-up. Caroline starts crying when Albie stands up to give a toast to his mom, and then continues to cry when Chris gives his speech. It’s now Lauren’s turn, but Joe Giudice wants to say something about Caroline, too. After Melissa says to let Lauren talk first, he agrees. Lauren says she’s worried about what to say because she doesn’t want to cry, but Melissa encourages her to speak from the heart. She starts to cry while making her toast. Someone jokes that this is the saddest dinner ever, and then Lauren laughs because Christopher is starting to cry.
Joe gets a mysterious phone call from someone, and walks away to take it. We don’t know who he’s talking to, but he then says, “Oh, here comes my bitch wife… she’s such a c***.” What?! She doesn’t hear what he says, but she walks over and asks what he’s doing. He calls her the bad “R” word, but she still pulls him away into the vineyard for a quickie. She pretends to be discrete, but the loathsome twosome are still miked and everyone else is watching. “Let’s do something,” Teresa whispers to the hulkish Joe, who at first resists: Let’s go…what are you, a f**ing w****?”
This whole event just looks very uncomfortable for everyone involved. And Jacqueline comments to us that it’s how Teresa reacts when someone else is getting attention.
Later, Jacqueline fixes Teresa’s hair in the hotel while Caroline asks Kathy for help with hers in the other room. They make small talk, and then Kathy asks about Jacqueline’s conversation with Teresa. As Caroline begins, Jacqueline walks in so Kathy can do her hair. Jacqueline explains how things are looking up for now, but Kathy and Caroline both say they notice more of a movement towards Melissa instead of Jacqueline or the others. In her interview, Caroline explains that it says a lot about Kathy’s character that she’s willing to take the hit from Teresa so that the Gorgas can mend their relationship with the Giudices.
At their second dinner at some fancy restaurant, Kathy sits down next to Teresa after Caroline and Jacqueline suggest it’ll help get them talking. Melissa says the two really look like cousins side-by-side, and Kathy and Teresa politely thank her for the observation.
Once everyone’s settled in at the table, Teresa makes a toast to such a great trip, and to all the other women there… except for Kathy. Kathy forces a smile, but Rich and Caroline look pissed, refusing to raise their glasses. Lauren, Greg, Melissa, Chris, and Albie are quick to announce to the table that Kathy is a goddess, with Lauren even making some kind of grand arm gesture to her.
But really, Kathy. Who needs Teresa when the Manzo boys and Greg have a suit of armor with your face on it in their apartment?
Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.