HEAD IN THE TWITTER CLOUDS
The Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Goodbye Ashley, Hello Ashlee
IT’S STILL CALM BEFORE THE STORM, AND IT looks like a big one is headed for the Real Housewives of New Jersey. But before the nimbostratus clouds roll in, Ashley is freaking out about moving to Vegas with relatives. Eventually she makes it out of the house with Albie’s help. Now if only getting on the plane would be that easy for the reincarnated “Ashlee.” Cute, Ash. But like your new lips, no one’s buying it.
Caroline brings Lauren to the doctor to discuss her weight. It turns out that Lauren’s gig at Chateau last season fell through immediately after it started, so it’s understandable why she’s feeling a little down on her luck. She is set up with a new diet, and plans to be a size four.
Teresa and Joe visit their restaurant, which is collapsing. Still blind to his failures, Joe tells Teresa he’s got plans to turn the gas station across the street into a retirement home. Sheesh.
In the car to the airport, we learn the depth of Ashley’s delusions. In his interview, Albie explains that Ashley thinks she’s Ke$ha. And what happens later? SHE MISSES HER FLIGHT. Even Ke$ha could probably get on a plane.
Albie returns to Jacqueline’s to deliver the bad news. Turns out Ashley was tweeting the whole time instead of actually looking for her gate. The Gorgas come over for the dinner party, and when they see Ashley walk in, the color drains from their faces.
The Wakilies arrive and ask Melissa and Joey what they thought of Teresa’s “gold-digger” comments about Melissa. Melissa tries to keep her emotions in check, but it’s obvious she’s bothered. When Teresa and Joe arrive, Teresa decides she needs to announce that she didn’t mean to offend anyone with her cookbook. Guilty conscience, party of one! Melissa says that she’s willing to take one for the team in order for Teresa to make more cash, and she says it with a smile. Teresa has trouble figuring out what Melissa said.
The next morning, it’s discovered that Rich “accidentally” gave Joe Guidice a black eye and a bloody nose. With what, it’s never confirmed.
At the Wakile’s, Kathy is browsing through the email address that is linked to the family’s Twitter accounts, and she finds that a random girl sent Joseph naked pictures of herself. Kathy emails the girl back, and Joseph looks humiliated.
Melissia prepares a big fancy dinner for Joey, and plays him her new song. It brings him to tears. Before the song is even over, he’s decided it’s time to bang the poison out of his body. It was almost a cute moment.
It’s round two for the big plan to get Ashley to Vegas. She’s feeling stressed again, so she took half a Xanax and is now feeling tired. Swear to god, if she is not on that plane again, there will be hell to pay. While Christopher is driving her to the airport, Jacqueline is looking at Ashley’s old baby albums and crying her eyes out.
Next week, the women attend a fair-themed party, and Kim D. is there to encourage any wrong-doing that will likely ensue.
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
