KICKIN’ IT
Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Waiting For The Shoe To Drop
LISA’S RUNNING LATE. WE SEE HER HURRIEDLY ENTERING HER GREAT MANSION, and almost immediately, Ken and Pandora starts grousing about her tardiness. The wedding planners are here!
For her invitations Pandora finally chose a fancy white fabric box, encircled in thick pink ribbon with a sparkly, diamondy clasp.
The caterers are here as well. No going out to taste cakes and canapés for these richies. The caterers create a signature drink for the couple that employs dry ice and pink frozen vodka. The smoking of the ice freaks Lisa out while everyone else is mesmerized and Ken, the flamboyant planner, has dollar signs in his sunglasses.
Now we’re across the street at Adrienne’s manse. She’s designing a shoe line and has gathered her design and marketing crew together in her elegant dining room. They ask to see her favorite shoes, which she has arrayed in the center of the table. They’re all six inch stilettos. God, how can they toddle around in those things constantly? There’s a scene later in the show where she’s shown giving shoes away and there must be well over 100 pairs. That she’s GIVING AWAY. What must she be keeping? Oh, I’m exhausted just thinking about that many shoes. Anyway, Adrienne wants to use a coin as her logo. She wants her name around the coin and a diamond in the middle. It will be placed right above the instep of each tall shoe. And since nothing is real in the Hills unless there is a party to go with it, a charity fashion show will be held to highlight the collection.
Ugh, now a detour into Downsville. We’re in a therapy session with Taylor and Russell. I’m sure I’ll want to kill myself after this. Ooops, sorry. Taylor and the therapist, Charles, have been seeing each other for several sessions already. Russell seems to be here under duress. The couple holds hands as Russell says there are no problems they have that can’t be solved. He seems like he’s in a business meeting. And maybe he is since this marriage was really probably kinda/sorta a business deal from the gitgo. The therapist discusses Russell’s anger problems and how nasty he can get. Russell looks a bit taken aback by this. As Charles lists his anger characteristics, Russell just stares at him. Charles talks about the couple’s emotional safeness and how desperate they both are to hold on to each other. Taylor starts crying and says she just wants the hurt to be over and to just be happy. When she asks if they can just start a clean slate the therapist calls that notion immature. As he tells them they don’t want to hurt each other, Russell says he has to leave. The therapist looks a bit pissed and says sternly that they have to do this. But Taylor agrees that Russell has to leave and they take off.
Back at Lisa’s, chefs are creating all kinds of gorgeous foods. Lisa tells Pandora she’s found a wedding dress designer for her, and what a coincidence, he lives in Lisa’s hometown in England. The food tasting begins and everyone raves. Pandora’s a bit worried about having the Housewives at her wedding. She tells Lisa that every time her girlfriends get together it’s a disaster, using the tea party as an example. Jason says there won’t be fighting at the wedding but Pandora’s not so sure. On a buffet there are martini glasses filled with cotton candy. When Lisa’s told to check them out she attempts to give a demonstration of how Taylor suggestively ate cotton candy at one or another of their many gatherings. We see flashbacks of Taylor’s demo and the admiring looks of men at the table with her. Ken throws out that Lisa’s mouth isn’t as big as Taylor’s. Ha, he’s right.
Kyle meets Brandi at the nail salon. Taylor was supposed to come as well but bailed, so the two will get to know each other better without a peacemaker. They talk about Brandi’s divorce and how foul it was that her husband left her for someone on set. Kyle tells us she’s tired of fighting with Brandi and will let Kim take care of her. Brandi feels they can get past it. Brandi is still on crutches but wants to host a gathering of the ladies where she can participate. “No potato sack races?” Kyle jokes. Brandi laughs and then, then, you won’t believe this… she proposes having a party where a porn star comes and teaches the ladies how to do better blow jobs. Yes. I have to give it to Kyle. She’s appalled but doesn’t really show it but she lets us know that this kinda party is not the way to make friends with this group. You have to know your girls really, really well before you have a party like that. Brandi tells us she thought it was a cute idea. Who is she? I know she’s young but damn, classy ladies don’t do that stuff. Did Lisa have a stripper at her tea party? No. NO.
Over at Adrienne’s huge pile of cement, she’s hounding the event planner for her show. The fashion and shoe show is being held in her backyard, which is larger than my entire house. She tells us she’s a Virgo (so am I! the only thing we have in common!) and a perfectionist (code for: anal) and things aren’t getting done fast enough for her. The planner, Shay, stays calm, tells her not to worry and that everything is going to be perfect. What else would he say? Next we see Adrienne, looking placcid, getting her makeup done. She’s still raving about her shoes and her marketing person tells her that the show is oversold, which pleases her greatly.
Russell compliments Taylor as she swans her way down the staircase at their home. So sweet and fake. They kiss. Also fake. As they walk towards their limo, Taylor tells us she finally realizes that spilling all her marriage secrets to the other women was a big mistake. She realizes how awkward that makes them feel around him. And just being around Russell is awkward enough without knowing how he is behind closed doors, sheesh. In the limo she tells him she’s not looking forward to seeing Camille. He tells her to rise above it. He’s so cool, so calm. So fake for the cameras. He tells her that Camille has said false things about them and that it isn’t right. Evidently he has no clue that Taylor has been dishing EVERYTHING.
At the show Adrienne’s posing with Kevan Hall, the designer who’s previewing his fall collection with her shoes. Adrienne’s dress is a gorgeous blue color that’s hard to describe, maybe mermaid blue. A stunning blue, really beautiful. On the road, the Armstrong’s limo pulls up to pick up Kyle and Mauricio. Kyle tells us again about her confusion regarding what Taylor tells them and how she acts around Russell. As the men coyly try to find out exactly what happened at the tea party, the women try their best to talk about it without really revealing anything to the guys. Taylor tells us she doesn’t want any friction tonight. As the couples enter the house they admire the splendor of it all. Ha, Taylor tells Russell the backyard is just like theirs to which Russell replies, well, just a little bigger. Ha, that was real.
The gates to Vanderpump/Todd mansion open and Lisa, Ken and their friend Mohammed cross the street to Adrienne’s. In the midst of their hellos, Adrienne immediately steers Lisa to a quiet corner to voice her displeasure. She lets Lisa know how hurt she was that Lisa didn’t ask her to use the Palms for Pandora’s Vegas bash. Lisa tells her that the Hard Rock guy is a longtime friend, that he did Jason’s bachelor party and wanted to also host Pandora’s.
When Lisa tells her she thought it might be an imposition, Adrienne throws back that Lisa asked to put her wine in their hotel. Lisa says she didn’t but that’s here nor there. Lisa’s completely exasperated when she tells us that she has some dodgy relatives coming in for Christmas so maybe Adrienne would want to host them. Ha. Then the ladies disagree about whether Lisa snubbed the wine guy Adrienne set her up with, or whether the wine guy snubbed her. Adrienne tells us she wanted to hear that Lisa would support her but she didn’t hear that. Come on, Adrienne, don’t you have enough money and publicity? Maybe Pandora didn’t relish having her party at the same place that hosts the Real World casts and people like Snooki.
Camille finally shows up, decked out in an awesome white coat (love, love, love white coats), and is as apprehensive about seeing Taylor as Taylor is about seeing her. While Taylor chats outside with the ladies, Camille stumbles out and runs right into her. They make extremely small talk and Taylor tells her that they “will talk later, NOT TONIGHT.” Camille agrees immediately.
Adrienne, surrounded by staff, worries about the show and asks a million questions. Camille takes a seat next to Brandi and tells us that divorce is their bonding agent and she really likes her. Brandi tells Camille her ex is babysitting, which is rare, and that things will get better for her in time, but Camille is very doubtful.
Adrienne gives her speech, everyone toasts and the models get to stepping. All the ladies clamor to see the shoes but find the majority covered by the long, flowing frocks. Everyone is disappointed. After the show Adrienne’s changed into a cream sequin number. She tells the designer she didn’t really want the shoes to be the center of attention and distract from the charity. So that’s why we didn’t really see them. Huh? As she sits down with the ladies they beg to see her footwear. She’s wearing what looks like diamond encrusted platforms which really are divine, if not walkable. Lisa, to us, calls the shoes - the Maloof Hoof. And then she tells us a secret: she’s working on a shoe line too! She tells us that the Maloof hoof needs to watch out for the Vander Pump! God, I love her.
Taylor tells Lisa and Kyle that she and Camille were civil when they bumped into each other. Lisa tells them how Adrienne ambushed her at the door to tell her how offended she was about the party location. She says she was shocked and asks Kyle if she would ask Adrienne to host her daughter’s party? Kyle tells her that she would feel uncomfortable asking as well and that she told Adrienne that. Lisa tells us that Adrienne keeps having a go at her and she doesn’t know why. The coming shoe competition won’t help that situation.
Next week, Taylor goes off… again, crying and screaming at a party… again.
