By Karen Malmquist
COUNT ON A STRIPPER POLE to bring the ladies of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills together. After a heated Moroccan dinner debate, the doyennes of drama decide to put aside their differences and take a trip to strip away the pain. But first…
We revisit last week’s war of words between Brandi and Mauricio over the still largely unknown Adrienne drama. Kyle manages to talk Mauricio down, but is still disappointed that the evening took a turn for the worse.
Brandi excuses herself to the bathroom to get away from all the hubbub, especially on Taylor’s end. Taylor’s drunk and mad that this whole thing isn’t about her, and announces that she’s been through more than Brandi. Everyone rolls her eyes, and Yolanda tells her that she’s talking nonsense. Camille is especially annoyed, and in her interview says that of course Taylor likes to think that she’s the only person to have ever had anything bad happen to them.
Lisa and Yolanda come to the bathroom to talk to Brandi and to try to calm her down. Yolanda, in her first tender moment of the season, tells Brandi that she must be stressed out and pushed to her limit over the Adrienne ordeal. After she comes out of the bathroom, Mauricio apologizes to Brandi for the way he spoke to her.
Adrienne and Paul are back from New York. They needed a break from the Brandi drama, so why not be stuck together on the other side of the country and isolate themselves from their friends? They stop by Kyle and Mauricio’s for some wine and to discuss Brandi. They’re upset over what she said about Adrienne, but, as I’ve been saying all season, it would help if we at least knew what she said. Paul feels bad because their showdown with her took place at Mauricio’s event. Kyle, like probably every “RHOBH” viewer, is just so over it.
Yolanda is remodeling the house, with the help of her ex (and close friend of the Van Der Pumps) Mohammad’s workers. They speak broken English, and she tells them that when she came to America, she didn’t know any of the language, but studied it at night. She tells them to do the same. She’s having a party soon, and if she thinks the other women can behave, she might invite them. She probably shouldn’t invite them.
Kim has a weird psychic named Rebecca over to the house, and she says that she senses the spirits of her future grandchildren in Kim’s bedroom. In the living room, Rebecca says that there’s a portal that has opened a vortex to some other kind of world or…who knows.
Yolanda takes her daughters to visit Mohammad at his house, and it looks like the former husband and wife have a better relationship than the actually married couple Paul and Adrienne.
Kyle and Faye go to a mannequin store to shop for, well, mannequins. When Kyle was in Boca Rotan for a book signing, she fell in love with a little boutique that had all her favorite things all in one place, and met with the owners to open a sister store in Beverly Hills. Faye’s clients include Nick Lachey, Kevin Connelly, and Paris Hilton. You know, the top of the A-List. They decide between mannequins with varying boob sizes, and then throw their choices in the back of the convertible and drive home.
Marisa invites Brandi out to dinner with her husband Dean Zanuck and their son. They all seem to hit it off, so much that Brandi invites Marisa to Vegas for a class she’s teaching on how to “find your sexy again” on the stripper pole. Marisa is all for it. The class is supposedly a “women empowerment” type of thing. Well, pole dancing IS supposed to do wonders for your arms, and that’s pretty powerful.
In the middle of curling her hair, Brandi takes a break to call Kyle and make sure they can move forward after the Moroccan dinner fiasco. Later, Brandi heads to her friend Danny’s art gallery opening. Lisa and Ken show up, followed by Yolanda and Marisa and then Taylor. Danny takes Yolanda around the gallery to show her some paintings for sale. One of the paintings is $14,000, but Yolanda wants to bargain. Kyle arrives wearing a fancy headband. She and Brandi talk about how strange it is that while Kyle’s been such a huge fan of his work and has his work hanging in her house, Brandi’s been friends with him for 20 years.
Meanwhile, Yolanda somehow convinces Danny to give her the painting she wants for only $8,000, arguing that it’ll be seen by “so many great people.” However, we know Yolanda has the money to pay full price.
After Yolanda’s finished bargaining, Brandi invites the ladies to the Vegas trip. Taylor is a little wary, but she may or may not be interested. It’s hard to tell.
I’m a little insulted that Bravo felt the need to have to introduce Paris Hilton, who shows up to the gallery. Kyle invites her on the Vegas trip, but Paris tells her that she has a concert that weekend. She’s a DJ now, because those who can’t make music, push “next” on a playlist and are automatically a DJ.
Marisa talks to Taylor about her husband, who she says she doesn’t see as super sexy, possibly because they got married so young. She says she’s lucky, because he loves her so much, but she thinks that maybe they should’ve waiting to tie the knot. While Taylor just nods along with Marisa, in her interview, it’s Brandi who says that Dean seems to love Marisa more than Marisa loves him, and that Marisa shouldn’t throw him under the bus so much. I think we found a new housewife for next season, though.
Mauricio tries to extend an olive branch to Ken and Lisa by offering them a bottle of the finest bottle of fancy vodka. Lisa seems a little flustered by the situation, and Mauricio asks if she’s okay, but she rushes Ken out the door with her. Mauricio asks Kyle if he thinks everything is okay, surely because he wants to make sure there’s no bad blood when his wife hits the pole with Lisa next week.
Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and is a member of the Overpopulated Peninsula comedy troupe. You can follow her on Twitter @KarenSays.