THAT’S A MOUTHFUL
Real Housewives Of Atlanta: RiDICKulous
AFTER LAST WEEK’S BABY SHOWER BLOWOUT, LET’S GET ANOTHER EYEFUL AT Kandi’s birthday party. But first Phaedra comes by Kim’s to drop off a gift basket for her, and apologizes for her husband Apollo’s behavior at the shower. She asks if Cynthia even gave Kim a gift at the shower, and when Kim says no, Phaedra doesn’t look surprised. “Note to self: keep the ex cons and assholes off the guest list next time,” Kim muses.
Cynthia visits Peter at his new bar. She brings her sister Mal; because she feels it’s time the two talk after the tumultuous wedding situation last season. Let’s recap: Cynthia marrying Peter was a bad, bad idea. Mal and her mother tried to step in and help Cynthia realize that. Oh, and Peter was wasted at his own wedding. Not after, but before the ceremony. And for some reason, no one seems to understand why Mal would have the audacity to think Peter might be bad news.
Phaedra, Sheree, and Kandi meet up at the Renaissance Hotel to plan Kandi’s upcoming birthday party. “I’m turning 35 this year,” Kandi tells us.”I’m feeling like I’m not married. I want to have another child. It’s kind of depressing. But it is like a milestone so it’s time to party.” Kandi tells Phaedra and company that she she invited NeNe, Cynthia, and Peter but no Kim. Sheree and Phaedra maturely say that they will ignore any potential drama, and Phaedra tells her that she’ll leave Apollo at home, because she doesn’t want to “rain on your parade.” When Kandi walks away to talk to the planner, Phaedra tells Sheree that she’s getting Kandi a surprise present “that only nature can create.” Dear God, please let it be a male stripper.
NeNe and Kandi go shoe shopping, and Kandi tells her about the upcoming party, including the guest list. Of course, NeNe makes a bigger deal about it. But she agrees to play nice.
Kim and Kroy have a baby consultant come over, and they all discuss how to change a male baby’s diaper, and of course, circumcision. Kim looks grossed-out when the consultant tells them about the circumcision process, but then realizes that she doesn’t want her son growing up with his “peepee wearing a turtleneck.” Sweet .
Peter is on the phone with his business partner about a check that bounced, while Cynthia and NeNe struggle to open a bottle of wine outside. NeNe casually tells them that when she got home from Miami, she and Gregg had sex. Jeez, he just moved out!
Phaedra and Sheree visit the location of the new Chateau Sheree, and the man in charge tells her that’ll take an extra three weeks to build, pushing construction back until the fall. Luckily Phaedra’s a lawyer, and lets him know that there will be no funny business with the construction of the house. Also, who would want to mess with the adorable Phaedra?
Cynthia, Mal, and Mal’s husband Christopher at Cynthia’s new business, and she and her sister get into it over finances. After Christopher gets the ladies to stop talking, the three of them awkwardly try to put a chair together.
While Kandi’s getting ready, she and her makeup team discuss the next couple years, as she’s hoping to find a man and have another baby. She says if she hasn’t found someone at 37, she’ll find a donor.
At the party, the group is divided in half. Both sides say they’re over the past drama, but Nene and Co. aren’t talking to Sheree and Co. NeNe jokes to Kandi that they have a “friendship contract” for her to sign. Phaedra jokes, “It’s like the Crips and the Bloods.”
It’s time for Phaedra’s present: Ridickulous the male stripper! He dances startlingly to the other ladies, and Kandi throws Phaedra’s $1 dollar bills in a way that says, “Maybe if I throw these at him fast enough, he’ll go away.”
“Phaedra is Ridickulous’s attorney,” cracks Kandi. “As big as that thing is, I’m sure he probably does get sued for damages.”
Then Ridickulous pleasures himself — with his mouth — in front of everyone and dips it in Kandi’s drink. Most of the party is not amused and Nene and Cynthia stormed out, but Kandi, Sheree, and Phaedra can’t stop laughing. Kandi’s mom, however, was not having it. “You should have had more respect for me,” she snapped. “This wasn’t the place for that. That wasn’t cool.”
Only in Atlanta.
Karen Malmquist is a junior at La Salle University, and the head writer and star of In Other News, a comedy series airing in Philadelphia.
2 Comments
Mama Joyce acted as if she was disrespected, but on numerous occasions Kandi mentioned that her and her mom are always entertained by strippers! Strippers at all of her birthday parties, even at her baby shower!
Pheadra was just keeping in alignment with Kandi’s now nasty persona!
Hey Kandi! This is your mother not your friend! Why didn’t you stop it? Why didn’t you stop it when you seen your friends walking out?
You know why you didn’t , because your more into “D” D-I-C-K and dildoes (is that how you spell it)?
I guess if you lack talent do what we all can do and that is talk about sex!
You opened for Fantasia but you were out longer than her! That shows you that you’re a nasty mess!
I didn’t realize that Kandi is that hard up! Couldn’t this have waited for a setting among intimate friends? Who said grown men wanted to be a part of this den of sin!
And “high class” Phaedra surprised me! I love her and held her to a higher standard with Sheree! Kandi and Nene are just ghetto! Bit Kandi takes the cake! Seriously you didn’t realize your mom left your side? Is penis that important to you?
So when your daughter sees this what will you tell her ?