By Karen Malmquist
HERE SHE COMES, MISS RATCHET USA!
Booty battles show no sign of slowing Real Housewives of Atlanta, as Kenya and Phaedra continue to butt heads over serious booty business.
Cynthia is at the Branner Brothers International Hair Show, judging the hairstyling competition. She’s got her work cut out for her, because the hair in the room would put RuPaul’s Drag Race to shame. Kenya is also there to support Cynthia, as well as tell spread the word about her latest endeavor. She and Cynthia tell their friends Derek J and Miss Lawrence about Kenya’s upcoming workout video for “stallion booties.” Miss Lawrence and Peter say that they’d rather have a stallion booty, anyway, and Cynthia agrees that it would probably sell more than a donkey booty video.
NeNe and Greg are babysitting their “glamdaughter” in their new LA home. They take turns fawning over the adorable baby, while also trying to figure out how to put furniture together. Everything is going well until they both have trouble putting a picture frame together, and declare the day a loss.
Kandi goes to Derek J’s salon to get her hair done. Derek tells her about Kenya’s stallion booty video, and Kandi can’t believe it. In the middle of getting her hair flat-ironed, she calls Phaedra to break the news. Phaedra can’t believe it either, so Kandi puts Derek on the phone. After some rambling, Phaedra says, “I knew Miss Kenya was 30, but I didn’t know that heifer was starving.” After she gets off the phone, Kandi tells Derek that she wants to nicely ask Kenya for her side of the story, so she can understand what’s really going on.
Cynthia is teaching a walking/ posing class for the Bailey Agency. She’s getting ready for a children’s charity fashion show, so all of her students today are kids. Phaedra and Apollo stop by with Ayden, because they want their little prince to walk in the show. Too bad Ayden doesn’t want to do it. The only time he walks down the runway is to run into his mom’s arms with tears in his eyes.
Porsha arrives to the class to see how things are going. She loves watching the fierce little kids get directions from Cynthia, and I love her hair in this shot.
After the class is over, the adults stand outside and discuss the Kenya situation. Phaedra says she thinks Kenya could have a “chemical imbalance,” and that her behavior is similar to that of a bipolar person. In her interview, Cynthia says it’s not right of Phaedra to make that assumption.
Kenya takes Kandi to meet her production designer, so she can get some her for Riley’s room. The designer takes them into a room with a giant sculpture of a butt. Based on the “XXX” sign on the wall, this must be where porn props are stored? Anyway, the butt in the room gets them talking about the conflict of the workout videos. Kandi tries to make sense of it, but says that it would be like if Kenya tried to make her own “Bedroom Kenya” line. She has a good point, but Kenya gets even more upset about the situation. It’s hard to take her seriously with a giant ass behind her.
Phaedra and Apollo meet with new producers for the workout video. These guys worked with Jane Fonda on her workout videos, and Jane happens to be a good friend of Phaedra’s. Phaedra then gives them a slightly weird story about her need to get her booty back in shape, saying how she could no longer put a plate on top of it. She has Apollo get up and show them some moves, and while they are entertained, they share Apollo’s embarrassment of the “Magic Mike”-style routine.
Phaedra and Porsha get coffee together. They meet at the coffee shop in nearly matching coral outfits, and it looks like a sign that they will be good friends now that Kenya is out of the picture, because great minds wear coral alike. They discuss marriage and Porsha asks for pregnancy advice now that her doctor has given her the OK to start trying again. It looks like they’re quickly bonding, and of course the conversation shifts to Kenya. They both agree that she could use some counseling, and Phaedra adds that she’s “the devil’s little sister.” Porsha laughs, saying that she can also see Kenya’s colored contacts.
It’s the day of the fashion show and all the wives minus Kandi are there for support. NeNe is especially proud of Kandi, because she remembers when the Bailey Agency was just a little idea. The crowd cheers for all the kids, and Cynthia is amazed at how well everything is going. She even says she wants those kids to “get their crayons out and sign on the dotted line.”
After the show, NeNe is talking to Kenya, Cynthia, Derek, and Porsha. Somehow Porsha and Kenya are standing next to each other without laying down any insults, and Porsha doesn’t say anything when NeNe agrees that Phaedra was acting shady with Kenya about the donkey booty video. NeNe says Phaedra has done quite a few shady things in the past, so her deal with Kenya is not surprising. Plus, she thinks that no one’s going to want to have a “donkey booty,” and likes the “stallion” idea better.
Phaedra senses something’s up, and she and Apollo approach the group. Kenya flat-out says she’s making her own workout video. Kenya explains why she’s making a video, and Phaedra rolls her eyes and says that imitation is the highest form of flattery. Apollo says she’s a biter, to which Kenya responds by twirling away. In her interview, Phaedra calls her “Miss Ratchet USA.”
Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and is a member of the Overpopulated Peninsula comedy troupe. You can follow her on Twitter @KarenSays.