THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

Watch 'Flashed Face Distortion Effect' Turn Pretty Into Ugly

HERE'S PROOF POSITIVE THAT YOU REALLY NEED to give people your full attention when you want to see them accurately.

Check out the YouTube video below posted by TangenCognitionLab. The footage illustrates the optical illusion known as "flashed face distortion effect' wherein faces look monstrous and deformed when flashed side by side on a computer screen. The effect was discovered by accident last year by University of Queensland researcher Sean Murphy. He and fellow researchers Jason M. Tangen, and Matthew B. Thompson concluded that

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May 25, 2012

NSF SPONGEBOB

Kate Upton Puts The Feline Moves In 'Cat Daddy'

HERE'S SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT COVER MODEL GIVING THE WORLD A FREE PEAK AT HER GOODS COMPLIMENTS OF FASHION PORNOGRAPHER Terry Richardson.

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May 02, 2012

ONE UGLY REALITY

Hey Katy Perry, Here's How The Real Military Prepares For War

HEY KATY PERRY, NEXT TIME YOU PITCH THE U.S. MARINES IN A MUSIC VIDEO, CONSIDER DEPICTING THE HORRIFIC CRUELTIES PERPETRATED ON ANIMALS to "simulate" battlefield wounds.

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April 27, 2012

SACRIFICING FOR YOUR SINS

Russell Brand Testifies 'Love & Compassion' Best Treatment For Drug Addiction

ADORNING A PLETHORA OF CROSSES AROUND HIS NECK, AND wearing his dark hair and beard in his best hipster Jesus fashion, Russell Brand appeared on Britain's figurative mount today to eloquently plead for a new approach to treating drug addicts.

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April 24, 2012

SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW

Gotye Disses Glee's Cover Of Smash Somebody I Used To Know

IF YOU LIKE TO PLAY INTERNET TELEPHONE, you can follow the links back to find out how we all learned that Australian artist Gotye was dissatisfied with Glee's cover of his smash hit, Somebody That I Used to Know.

The Aussie singer hit number one on Billboard 100 singles chartop of the U.S. charts last week after

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April 23, 2012

STEAMY FUN

Magic Mike Trailer Is A Naughty Fantasy Come True

I'M NOT REALLY INTO MALE STRIPPERS BUT THE MAGIC MIKE TRAILER, starring Channing Tatum and directed by Steve Soderberg, could make me work up a sweat.

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April 20, 2012

GREAT RADIO, BAD MOVE

Shut Up & Play The Guitar, Ted Nugent!

I USED TO LOVE YOU, TED NUGENT!

Once upon a time, I used to go to your concerts and fight to the front row as I thought you were a great guitarist. I closed my eyes to your love of guns and hunting, and even years later, I still have an old framed picture of you on the wall.

Ted, what the hell are you thinking speaking like that about the President of the United States? Have you got some sort of Cat Scratch Fever?

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April 18, 2012

TAKING A BITE OUT OF CRIME

He's 'Snackman,' Fighting Crime One Pringle At A Time

ARMED WITH NOTHING BUT A PACK OF PRINGLES AND SOME GUMMI BEARS, 24-year-old Charles Sonder halted a scuffle on a New York subway without even breaking from snacking.

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April 17, 2012

POINTLESS VIDEO OF THE DAY

Scary Dog Confronts His Scary Self In Mirror

HIS SNARL IS BAD ENOUGH, BUT THIS Bordeauxdog's underbite could cause you nightmares.

This dog obviously isn't a narcissist because what he sees doesn't make him happy.

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April 16, 2012

BETTER THAN BEING SLIZZARD

Double Dutching Dog Is Fly LIke A G6

FRIDAY AND WE'RE ALL FEELING FLY, RIGHT? Well travel a little higher with this YouTube video of a bad-ass doubledutching dog.

Time to plan your road trip to Dollywood in Tennessee, where Geronimo pops this summer.

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April 13, 2012

APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION?

Lana Del Ray Hangs With Fantasy Husband Axl Rose

IT WAS ONLY WEEKS AGO WHEN WAGS WONDERED IF BORN TO DIE SINGER Lana Del Ray had her sights set on Marilyn Manson after being spotted in an elevator near his hotel room.

A gossip column in the Berlin newspaper BZ reported that the two were seen sharing a meal just before Manson sang at the Echo awards with the popular German metal band Rammstein.

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April 09, 2012

PSA

Lindsay Lohan's Face: A Cautionary Tale In 1:14

IT SPEAKS VOLUMES THAT PAPARAZZI MISTOOK ACTRESS LINDSAY LOHAN FOR Debbie Harry, the 66-year-old rocker from Blondie.

Once America's reigning teen starlet, the 25-year-old star has been ravaged by drugs and poor supervision in predatory Hollywood. The decay shows on her face in a new YouTube video making the rounds on the web.

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WHAT A RUSH

New Rock Of Ages Trailer Rubs Delicious Fame In Our Faces

FAME HAS NEVER SEEMED MORE INTOXICATING OR ALLURING THAN IT DOES in the latest trailer for the heavy metal spoof Rock Of Ages, and believe me, I've seen the delusional consequences of the drug up close.

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April 04, 2012

COOKING UP DISSENSION

'Fowl' Claims? Burger King Pulls Mary J. Blige Ad; Critics Call It 'Buffoonery'

SOME IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY ARE CRYING "FOWL" AFTER Burger King pulled a controversial commercial featuring Mary J. Blige singing about eating chicken.

The fast-food giant blames a concern over music licensing for the commercial's withdrawal and not allegations that it perpetuates stereotypes.

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PART OF THE PROBLEM

Naomi Wolf Slams Katy Perry's Part Of Me Video As Marine Propaganda -- And She's Right

FEMINIST AUTHOR NAOMI WOLF CALLS OUT KATY PERRY FOR TURNING HER LATEST MUSIC VIDEO INTO A PIECE OF PROPAGANDA FOR THE U.S. MILITARY.

Perry's angry send-off to ex beau Russell Brand in Part Of Me depicts the popster impulsively becoming a U.S. Marine after catching her boyfriend kissing another girl.

"Have you all seen the Katy Perry Marines video?" Wolf wrote on Facebook Sunday. "It is a total piece of propaganda for the Marines ... I really want to find out if she was paid by them for making it ... It is truly shameful."

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April 03, 2012

UNARM THIS MAN

WTF: WalMart Guard Powertrips On Black Men Shooting Video Outside Store

A VIDEO UPLOADED ON YOUTUBE SHOWS AN OFF-DUTY COP abusing his authority and pulling a taser on two young black males.

The videotape, uploaded March 30, already has 240,000 hits and shows two teens videotaping outside a Walmart last Friday when a guard outside approaches them and asks for I.D.

A man off camera says, "Nobody has to show I.D., sir."

"Yeah, you got to show I.D.," the guard demands as he grabs or shoves the teenager who's videotaping.

"You're grabbing me?," the videographer exclaims. "Are you serious? Calm down!"

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April 02, 2012

Tiptoeing Toward Detente

HERE'S A GROUP OF DEER AND A daring white house cat discovering each other while the song Amphibian by Bjork plays in the background.

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March 29, 2012

THIS IS RICH

Finally! Beanie Babies Pay Off In This Hunger Games Remake

MY SON USED TO COLLECT BEANIE BABIES AND ONCE TOLD ME that these stuffed animals would pay for his college education. Twenty years later, all these creatures still still on the shelves in his childhood room gathering dust; Mom and Dad paid for his education.

This morning after viewing this Beanie Babies recreation of the box office record setting movie The Hunger Games, I finally know what I can do with them all.

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CRAY CRAY

Cuckoo Alicia Silverstone Feeds Son Like A Bird

ACTRESS ALICIA SILVERSTONE IS A beautiful and smart actress but, honestly, the staunch vegan really needs to find another way to feed that baby of hers.

I'm not one to judge someone's parenting, but in a "clueless" moment, Silverstone shows us on YouTube her feeding her 10-month-old-son like a mother bird.

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March 28, 2012

AND THE COWS JUMPED OVER THE ZOU

Happy Cows Skip To 'Zou Bisou Bisou'

HOLSTEIN COWS SKIP FOR JOY AFTER BEING RELEASED INTO A U.K. PASTURE FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS SPRING.

The footage from Compassion In World Farming was uploaded to YouTube and began popping up on sites around the web Monday.

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March 26, 2012

WHY DOES THIS 'RING' A BELL?

Look Who's Copying Now! Madonna's Wild Video Has Shades Of SNL Skit

MADONNA'S NEW VIDEO Girl Gone Wild struck a few déjà vue chords when I watched it this morning. The Material Girl is always fearless and pushes boundaries of creativity, but there was something in this video I had seen before.

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March 22, 2012

FEED THE MIND

This 'Zombie' Class Takes A Bite Out Of Boring

HIS CLASS HASN'T EVEN STARTED, BUT Michigan State University's Glenn Stutzy already earns an "A+" for engagement .

The social work instructor is marketing his upcoming class entitled "Surviving the Coming Zombie Apocalypse: Catastrophes & Human Behavior" in a way that no doubt has other professors eating their hearts out.

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March 08, 2012

PEACE ACCORD

FETISH

Nicki Minaj's $50,000 Shoe Kick

IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE A TIME WHEN TRINIDAD-BORN NICKI MINAJ didn't pop on the social scene. But before she branded herself with help of Kool-aid-colored wigs and outrageous "costumes," the Queens-raised hip hop artist used to wear Tommy Hilfiger baggy shirts and Boss jeans.

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February 25, 2012

LET'S ASK BOBBI KRISTINA

News Media Exclaims Whitney Houston Worth More Dead Than Alive

OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN. With Whitney's passing, the media can't help themselves but to speculate on her finances, state of mind, strained relationship with Bobby Brown and everything in between.

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February 15, 2012

A WOMAN SCORNED

Katy Perry's "Part Of Me" Anthem For Girls Done Wrong

IF THERE WAS EVER A MOMENT OF SATISFACTION FOR THOSE DONE WRONG BY FORMER boyfriends or husbands, Katy Perry did us proud Sunday night.

Just four days after she signed off her divorce from from Russell Brand with a smiley face, Perry delivered Piece Of Me with heart and passion.

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February 14, 2012

DARING TO DREAM

Chipotle's "Back To The Start" Commercial Wins During Grammys

SANDWICHED BETWEEN THE NOISE AND SPECTACLE OF SUNDAY'S 54TH ANNUAL GRAMMYS was a fast food chain commercial that is stealing hearts.

Chipotle's animated "Back To The Start" depicts a farmer dispirited by the modern assembly-line production of meat which includes pumping animals full of steroids and crowding them in dank housing. Disheartened by the process, the farmer reverts back to natural farming where animals graze outdoors and aren't shot up with antibiotics.

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DEAR & DEPARTED

The 54th Grammys: Requiem For A Diva

CALL YOUR UNCLES! CALL YOUR DISTANT COUSINS AND YOUR LONG-LOST FRIENDS! There's been a death in the family.

A pall fell over Sunday's 54th Grammy Awards, held just 24 hours after Whitney Houston was found dead. And though the news had yet to sink in, that age-old adage the "party must go on" applied.

Consequently, music's biggest night was like a funeral wake for which distant relatives and far-flung friends gather, all laughs are twinged with knowing, and the elders assume their rank within the family.

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February 13, 2012

R.I.P.

Whitney Houston's "Angelic" Voice Belied Her Darker Impulses

HER BEAUTY AND HER GIFT OF SONG BELIED THE TRUTH ABOUT WHITNEY HOUSTON: she was a hot mess who gravitated toward trouble.

"The biggest devil is me,'' the pop superstar said during a 2002 interview. "I'm either my best friend or my worst enemy."

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February 12, 2012

3XS A LADY

Drag Queen Sonique Reminds Me To Give Myself More "Luvin"

IT'S 7:27 A.M. AND I AM WATCHING A YOUTUBE video featuring female impersonator Sonique lip synching to Madonna's latest Give me All Your Luvin at Mickey's in West Hollywood this week.

There she is, in all her perfection, delivering a fun rendition of the song while I am sitting here in yoga pants and a black cardigan that has more stray hairs than are on my head.

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February 09, 2012

STAR SPANGLED

Madonna's Halftime Excess Gets Golden Pompom Award

MADONNA GETS MY GOLDEN POMPOM AWARD FOR Sunday's smokin' Super Bowl XLVI Halftime show last night that drew 114 million viewers -- the largest television audience in American history.

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February 06, 2012

SLUT SHAMING

Joan River Outs Betty White As Former Pot-Smoking 'Slut'

JOAN RIVERS FESSES THAT SHE USED TO GET STONED WITH 90-YEAR-OLD ACTRESS BETTY WHITE back when she worked the comedy club circuit.

"She was some slut then," Joan tells HuffPo jokingly.

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February 01, 2012

LAME

Hypocrites: BET Bans Nicki Minaj's 'Stupid Hoe'

THE SAME CABLE CHANNEL THAT GAVE DOG ABUSER AND FOOTBAL PLAYER MikeVick the Sportsman of the Year award has suddenly refused to air Nicki Minaj's latest video Stupid Hoe.

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PUPPET PROPAGANDA

Fox Picks Fight With "Left-Wing" Muppets; Muppets Win

IF YOU HAD ANY DOUBT THAT FOX NEWS WOULD PICK A FIGHT WITH ANYONE OR ANYTHING THEY CONSIDER LIBERAL, YOU GOT YOUR ANSWER when Fox Business News blasted the Muppets for being part of the left-wing conspiracy to destroy America.

The evidence: a puppet named "Tex Richman" depicting a greedy oilman in the the latest Muppets movie.

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January 31, 2012

PREGAME SHOW

Here's David Beckham's Hard Sell For H&M Tidy Whities

SUNDAY'S SUPERBOWL PARTY ON NBC PROMISES SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY: Madonna at halftime, Ferris Bueller for the Generation Xers and now -- a near-naked David Beckham for the girlfriends and wives.

L.A.'s Galaxy's taut tatooed midfielder flexes near-naked in a commercial for Swedish clothier H&M as The Animals' 1965 hit Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood.

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January 30, 2012

RAPPING KIM

Snoop Dogg Calls Kim Kardashian "Cold Blooded" & Other Vulgarities

LET'S HEAR SNOOP DOGG CALLS KRIS HUMPHRIES' A "DUMBASS" FOR LETTING HIMSELF BE PLAYED by Kim Kardashian.

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January 29, 2012

CRASS ACT

Christina Aguilera Goes Burlesque At Etta James' Funeral

THE LATE ETTA JAMES WAS HONORED WITH A ROUSING FUNERAL Saturday at the Greater Bethany Community Church City of Refuge in Gardena, Calif.

Instead of Beyonce -- who portrayed James' in the movie Cadillac Records -- Christina Aguilera was chosen to sing Etta’s famous song At Last.

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TAKE THE DAY OFF

Bueller? Bueller? Honda?

COULD MATTHEW BRODERICK BE REPRISING HIS ROLE AS Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Broderick's not talking, but a video leaked on to YouTube raises the question.

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SOMETHING'S SPINNING

Pat Sajak & Vanna White Taped ' Wheel Of Fortune' Smashed

YESTERDAY WE LEARNED ABOUT DICK JOKES on Family Feud. Today it's time to hear about the boozy lunches that led to Pat Sajak and everybody's favorite letter-turner Vanna White hosting Wheel of Fortune while sauced.

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January 26, 2012

R.I.P.

The Legendary Voice Of Etta James Goes Silent

LEGENDARY SINGER ETTA JAMES, whose evocative voice ranged from blues to jazz to pop and rock, died today, just five days shy of her 74th birthday.

Born Jamesetta Hawkins in Los Angeles, James died from complications of leukemia and dementia, according to news reports.

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January 20, 2012

REVENGE OF THE NERDS

Jian Sword Dancing Wins The Internet

YOU PROBABLY CAN'T DO "IT" -- perfect absurdity in a sword-dancing-video-gone-viral.

Described as "internet folk art" and a "sociological masterpiece," Jian Sword Dancing by Chicagoland's Kyle Frere has struck internet gold by striking a universal chord with YouTube viewers.

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December 22, 2011

BUILT FOR ROCK AND ROLL

First Rock Of Ages Trailer Rattles & Rolls Onto Web

IF YOUR IDEA OF A GOOD TIME INVOLVES SWEAT, PUKE AND EAR-SHATTERING MUSIC, here's one for ya.

Chris D'Arienzo's adapted Broadway Rock Of Ages hits theaters next summer but today we got a peek at the promised mayhem in the new trailer.

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December 13, 2011

MAC LETHAL

Winter's Hard, So Rap With Pancakes

RAPPER MAC LETHAL JUST LANDED ON YOUR PLATE. Never heard of him? Watch him rap about making pancakes to the beats of Chris Brown's Look At Me Now and there's little chance that you'll forget him.

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December 01, 2011

EVIL IN DISGUISE

Julia Roberts's A Snarky Mean Queen In Mirror, Mirror

SHE WAS ONCE CONSIDERED THE FAIREST IN THE LAND, but Julia Roberts has never been revered for her acting chops.

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November 16, 2011

MIRROR, MIRROR

Grimm Tidings: The Trailer For Snow White And The Huntsman

THE TRAILER FOR SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN HAS HIT AND THERE'S NOTHING Disneyana about this grim world.

Charlize Theron looks creeptastic as the vain Queen threatened by the blooming beauty of Snow White.

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November 11, 2011

SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER

U.S. Marine Puts New York Police In Their Place

AND TODAY WE HAVE THE FACE OF A NEW AMERICAN HERO: a U.S. Marine identified as Sergeant Shamar Thomas who during Saturday's night Occupy Wall Street protest in New York City loudly pointed out the ridiculousness of the NYPD's heavyhanded tactics.

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October 17, 2011

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'

It's Official: Chet Haze Is Hollywood

TOM HANKS' EMBARRASSING SON, THE ONE WHO'S DESPERATE to launch a music career, has upped his game -- by which I mean video quality -- in his latest offering. Check it out.

In just nine months, Chet "Haze" Hanks has gone from wannabe rapper adapting Wiz Khalifa's Black and Yellow into anthem for his college of choice, "Northwestern University -- to a wannabe Justin Timberlake singing about Hollywood's lies.

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October 11, 2011

LAST WEEKEND OF SUMMER

It's Labor Day Weekend -- Blow It Out With Gaskets

LAST OFFICIAL WEEKEND OF THE SUMMER, KIDDIES. Trapped in doors? Blow it out with Gaskets' Ross Harmon and Teddy Blanks.

Tuesday will be a year since Harmon committed suicide by taking a bottle of pills. What a loss to the world. RIP, bro.

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September 03, 2011

EYE CANDY

A Hundred Years Of Fashion 'Tude

COME SEPTEMBER 13, WESTFIELD STRATFORD CITY debuts in East London the "largest urban shopping centre in Europe."

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August 30, 2011

THE RISE

There Oughta Be A Law: Cow That Escapes Slaughterhouse Should Get Permanent Reprieve

I JUST MADE UP THIS NEW FEATURE IN WHICH we suggest laws through which our emotionally and spiritually bereft lawmakers can redeem themselves in sad eyes. And our first suggestion: anytime a cow consciously and wilfully escapes a slaughterhouse said cow should be immediately and forever granted reprieve from the death chamber.

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August 12, 2011

SPECIALITY

And The Award For The Best Pizza Box Goes To...

SCOTT FROM SCOTT'S PIZZA TOURS GETS REALLY EXCITED ABOUT PIZZA BOXES.

So much, in fact, that he has friends send him boxes from pizzerias around the world. Consequently, Scott's become a de facto expert in the arcane subject of pizza box design.

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July 30, 2011

I GIVE IT FIVE STARS

Rebecca Black Friday Parody Dances On News of the World's Grave

IT HAS THE BEST OF TABLOID NEWS: CELEBRITY, SCANDAL AND IRONY IN FULL-PAGE COLOR.

But the Rebecca Black parody of Friday which spoofs the hacking scandal that's rocked Rupert Murdoch's world one-ups the tabs in at least one way: it has a catchy beat that you can dance to.

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July 23, 2011

SWING!

Mad Men's Opening Credits Re-Imagined

WHO IS PAUL ROGERS????

That's what I want to know after watching his reimagined opening credits for Mad Men embedded above.

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July 21, 2011

BACK IN THE SPOTLIGHT

She's Baaack! Rebecca Black Answers Critics In Follow-up to Friday

HATERS ARE GONNA HAVE A FIELD DAY: Rebecca Black's new formulaic video hits the Internet today.

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July 18, 2011

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

Painting The Town Red -- And Purple, Blue & Yellow, Too

CURIOSITY IS THE MOST AWESOME FUEL FOR EXPLORATION.

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July 14, 2011

STEALING LIGHT

This Is Chicago On Speed

GAWKER.TV'S MATT CHERETTE IS LIKE A SHARK IN PERPETUAL SEARCH OF FEED.

Only in his case, the web is his boundless sea and his quarry is video. And you can count on him to often come up with something fresh and/or tasty.

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July 06, 2011

HIGH SCHOOL

Britney Phones It In On I Wanna Go

I DONT' KNOW WHY, BUT I WATCHED BRITNEY'S NEW VIDEO, "I Wanna Go."

Everyone's shatting their drawers about all the pop culture references and how clever it all is, but let's get serious here.

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June 23, 2011

SPARKLY

Flashback To The Gay 90s

ROBERT JEFFREY WAS 9 YEARS OLD WHEN HIS PARENTS TOOK HIM IN 1991 to the Hampton Beach Casino in Hampton Beach, New Hampshire. There, a vendor inside gave "tourists the chance to lip-synch to their favorite pop songs in front of a blue screen backgroud and I was lucky enough to partake that summer," Jeffrey recalls.

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June 11, 2011

DAY AT THE BEACH

YouTube Video Shows Crowds, No "Flash Mob" At North Ave. Beach

YOUTUBE USER DENZLITE UPLOADED THE ABOVE VIDEO JUNE 1 SHOWING THE CROWDS AT CHICAGO'S NORTH AVENUE BEACH ON MEMORIAL DAY.

Though only 24 seconds long, it's clear that the lakefront was bulging with people and activity and bordered on overcrowding.

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June 07, 2011

LOST IN PLACE

Did Big Foot Lose His Way To The Party?

BIGFOOT HAS BEEN SPOTTED TAKING A STROLL THROUGH WOODS IN SPOKANE, WASHINGTON.

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May 29, 2011

LOVE ME SOME MUPPETS

Muppets Movie Blah Blah! I Want My Cookie Back!

THERE'S A NEW MUPPETS MOVIE COMING! For those who like their love stories with a twinge of beast.

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May 23, 2011

THRILL KILL CULT

German Documentary On U.S. Military "Kill Team" Reveals New Video

GERMANY'S SPIEGEL TV HAS PRODUCED THE FIRST DOCUMENTARY ON THE U.S. "KILL TEAM" THAT MURDERED AFGHANIS FOR SPORT. The video includes scenes shot by photographer Max Becherer who was embedded with the 5th Stryker Brigade for a single day and depicts soldiers collecting visual trophies of their "kills."Most tellingly, Becherer also captured a shot of suspected ringleader Staff Sgt. Calvin Gibbs carrying trauma scissors; Gibbs is accused of removing his victims' fingers as trophies and of using them to intimidate other soldiers.

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April 06, 2011

ACCUMULATING HISTORY

On Anniversary Of Collateral Murder Video, New Film Delivers Eyewitness Account To The Carnage

ETHAN MCCORD IS ABOUT TO ENTER THE HISTORY BOOKS.

The 33-year-old Army specialist was one of six U.S. soldiers to first arrive at the horrific scene left when U.S. Apache gunners eviscerated a group of Iraqi men in an Iraqi suburb in July 2007. McCord was the soldier seen running with a 10-year-old boy in his arms on the now-notorious Collateral Murder video released last April by the radical transparency group WikiLeaks.

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April 05, 2011

TGIF

Disco Puccino

FOR YOUR FRIDAY MORNING FARE, A VINTAGE SOUL TRAIN DANCE PARTY WITH THE SOUNDS OF DJ ZEBRA and OXMO PUCCINO. The French hip hop music is awesome, the dancing and outfits LOL hilariousl. YouTube creator CassiusYou obviously has an offbeat sense of humor.

In short, a jolly laugh after this week's radioactive news.

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March 18, 2011

SCHEMERS

Cats Are Our Inevitable Overlords

AND YOU THINK CATS RULE THE WORLD NOW?

Wait until evolution delivers them opposable thumbs. Those damn beasts will be demanding to borrow the car, stealing change from your pocketbook, raiding the refrigerator for vittles and milk, specifically Cravendale milk.

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March 11, 2011

EAU DE WINNING

Jimmy Fallon Sells A Cheap Knockoff Of Charlie Sheen's Winning

HERE'S JIMMY FALLON TRYING TO CAPTURE THE ESSENCE OF CHARLIE SHEEN'S RECENT INSPIRED MAD RAMBLINGS.

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March 03, 2011

DRIVING THE FUTURE

Look, World, No Hands! German Lab Harnesses Brain Waves To Power Car

HERE'S A GADGET THAT FEW OF US HAVE EVER HEARD OF BEFORE: An electroencephalography tool. The medical profession uses them to measure brain wave activity in patients with a whole host of disorders: "epilepsy, a brain tumor, a brain abscess, brain trauma, subdural hematoma, meningitis, encephalitis, stroke" and more. But now researchers in Germany are using an electroencephalography tool designed by Emotiv of San Franscisco to enable people to drive cars with mindpowered "brain sensors."

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February 20, 2011

LEFT OUT OF HISTORY

The Real Housewives You're Missing

WWhy, when I detest Oxygen's Bad Girls so much, does my passion soar in the opposite direction when I watch the Real Housewives of Wherever? Which is really just Bad Girls -- the MILF Edition?

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February 17, 2011

SCORCHING

P. Diddy's Parties Are So Hot That Strippers Catch On Fire

FOR YOUR SATURDAY AMUSEMENT, HERE'S A CLIP of P. Dippy -- I mean Diddy -- recalling to British talker Graham Norton when firefighters were called to one of his legendary New York parties.

A stripper in a hot tub caught her hair on fire. Something to do with the candles nearby. Why she couldn't just dunk her head underwater is beyond me. But thank God she didn't because how else would we ever have heard this mythmaking story?

If you heard it once, you heard it a zillion times: the rich are different from you and me.

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January 22, 2011

TOP OF THE CLASS

The Message Of Justin Bieber's B Boys: Never Say Never

LET'S SEE MARK ZUCKERBERG PULL OFF THESE FANCY FOOTSTEPS.

During a soundcheck "party," Justin Bieber's dance crew shows there's almost as much bragging rights in brilliantly popping, locking and b-boy as there is in enabling 500 million friends to network. At least in my lazy-ass slacker's view.

Here, JB's dancers play out what looks like a mock version of the fight scene between West Side Story's Jets and Sharks.

Kiddies, no matter what your passion -- whether it be writing code or body riffing -- find your love, pursue it, and strive to be the best. There's glory in them thar dreams.

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January 03, 2011

OFF BEAT

Rapping Julian Assange

THE QUICKEST WAY TO CORRUPT JULIAN ASSANGE? Turn him into a celebrity.

Here Assange makes a cameo on Australia's The Juice News which delivers a snap lesson on the Iraq War and its information campaigns.

Read the full post here. 

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December 23, 2010

LIFE & ART BLUR

Is Mel Gibson's Prophetic Beaver Art Or Life? Check Out The Trailer

THE AXIOM "ART IMITATES LIFE" IS NO RANDOM ACCIDENT, and here comes the movie trailer for Mel Gibson's The Beaver to prove it once again.

Mel plays a Walter Black, a detached husband and father lost in his own misery. "A man who has lost all hope," says the trailer's narrator. "But he's about to find his voice" -- with the help of a "prescription" beaver through which he's able to gives voice to all the angst, emotion and ambivalence that he couldn't express on his own. "I'm sick,'' Black tells the puppet, who then asks, "Do you want to get better?"

Read the full post here. 

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December 03, 2010

HAPPY TO BE STUCK WITH ME

Kevin Bacon Plays A Creepy Version Of Himself For Logitech Revue

QUICK -- HOW MANY DEGREES OF SEPARATION EXIST BETWEEN KEVIN BACON AND HIS BIGGEST FAN?

Rrrrnt, you're wrong.

It's a trick question because there's only a wink separating Kevin Bacon the actor from his creepy obsessed fan on a Logitech Revue commercial.

Read the full post here. 

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CUTE

YouTube Darling Pomplamoose Lands Hyundai Deal

JACK CONTE AND NATALY DAWN have been serving up easy listening covers of songs by Michael Jackson, Earth, Wind & Fire and Beyonce for a couple years on YouTube to minor acclaim. Their cover of Beyonce's Single Ladies has been watched close to 6 million times, and their rendition of Lady Gaga's Telephone 5.7 million times.

Read the full post here. 

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November 25, 2010

WONDER BOY

We're All Beliebers! Justin Wins AMAs 'Artist Of The Year'

JUSTIN BIEBER, AMERICA'S MOST ADORABLY ADROGYNOUS POP STAR, swiped the "Artist of the Year" title from music's flyest luminaries during last night's American Music Awards.

The Pop Prince beat out Eminem, Lady Gaga and Lady Perry for the night's top prize and provided the sugar high during the night's chock-a-block performances by Black Eyed Peas, Rihanna, Pink, Katie Perry, Diddy, Kid Rock, Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus and Christina Aguilera.

"I can't stop smiling; this is amazing," Bieber oozed after he bagging one of four trophies inside Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles.

Read the full post here. 

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November 22, 2010

CELLULOID MYSTERY

Did A Time Traveler Visit The Set Of Charlie Chaplin's Circus?

DOES THIS VIDEO CAPTURE A REAL TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE?

Belfast filmmaker George Clark swears the portly woman walking in this shot of Charlie Chaplin's 1928 film The Circus is talking on a cell phone. After studying the film for a year, he's convinced the butchy woman is a time traveler from another era.

Clark has posted a clip on YouTube seeking to generate a worldwide debate on just what he's found on screen.

It couldn't possibly be promotion for his "award-winning" Ballad of the Bone, whose poster is conveniently situated behind him in the video?

Read the full post here. 

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October 30, 2010

IT'S CONTAGIOUS

Never Say Never: Biebermania Is Spreading

HE'S SO CUTE IN THOSE HOME VIDEOS THAT YOU JUST WANT TO SQUEEZE HIS CHEEKS.

JUSTIN BIEBER'S released the trailer to his upcoming -- don't laugh -- biopic that tells the story of his improbable ascent from wee tyke to pop powerhouse.

"There's gonna be times where people tell you that you can't live your dreams," Bieber says at the end of the trailer. "This is what I tell them: Never say never!"

Read the full post here. 

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October 26, 2010

THIS JUST IN

Do You 'Belieb' In Justin's Innocence? Next Media Animation Tackles Assault Case Against Him

ALLEGATIONS THAT TEEN POPSTER JUSTIN BIEBER ASSAULTED A BOY are getting a send-up by the Taiwan company Next Media Animation.

The Beebs is accused of assaulting a 12-year-old boy during a game of laser tag at Planet Lazer in Vancouver, Canada.

Read the full post here. 

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October 22, 2010

THE POPULIST

Jimmy McMillan, Man Of The People

RAHM EMANUEL MIGHT BE WISE TO PICK UP POINTERS FROM New York's most populist gubernatorial candidate Jim McMillan, who became the man to watch after Monday night's debate between seven candidates.

Looking like a black Colonel Sanders with whiskers and beard, McMillan is apparently a man of the people.

Read the full post here. 

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October 19, 2010

THE TOOL THAT ROARED

Cute! Little Willow's Pretending She's A hiP hOPsTER

OH, LOOK! Willow's playing dress-up and singing for her mummy and daddy's rich friends. Aww, that's sooo adorable, almost like a brand new puppy. But be careful not to give yourself whiplash, baby, okay?

(Hon? Do you have an aspirin?)

Jay Z and Beyonce will get such a kick out of this! Doesn't she remind you of yourself when you were young?

Okay, baby, party's over for now. Time to go upstairs, wash that makeup off and go to bed. And, when you're saying your prayers to Ron tonight, just remember those poor kids in China who have to wake up and go to school tomorrow.

We are so blessed in America!

Read the full post here. 

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OPTING OUT

Tennessee Teacher Does Equivalent Of Grabbing Two Beers & Activating Emergency Chute

MADE THE MISTAKE OF READING 500 COMMENTS ON GAWKER ABOUT THIS VIDEO BEFORE WATCHING IT.

I was expecting crazy talk, racial taunts, a hateful teacher and palpable fear.

I was unprepared to encounter a hapless teacher who seems used to being laughed at finally flip his lid.

The teacher, Donald Woods, doesn't seem completely off his rocker. He doesn't make any overt threats. He doesn't use profanity or racial slurs. He just figuratively says, 'Fuck it, I'm out of here.'

Woods, a geometry teacher at McGavock High in Nashville, Tenn., is reported to have "suffered a nervous breakdown" and is now on administrative leave.

I'm just wondering: Where is his national fan club like the one that rallied around Steven Slater when he bailed on his job as a JetBlue flight attendant?

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October 11, 2010

ON

Sesame Street's Smelling Good In Old Spice Spoof

HE MAY NOT BE AS BUFF AS ISAIAH MUSTAFA, BUT GROVER KNOWS HOW TO GET HIS GROOVY MONSTER ON.

The Sesame Street muppet delivers a witty spoof of Old Spice's wildly popular commercial in which an omnipotent Mustafa sells sex appeal -- I mean, body wash.

"Anything is possible when you smell like a monster and you know the word 'on,' Grover declares. "I am on a horse."

So what if he doesn't know his animals as well as his prepositions? He's still an adorable monster. Moo.

But if your heart belongs to the original Old Spice man, you can check him out in the original commercial on the jump.

Read the full post here. 

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October 08, 2010

AWKWARD

Bad Boy Levi Johnston's Music Video Embarrasses

LEVI, LEVI LIKES HIS MONEY.

So much so that he's willing to star as the bad boy in a Brittani Senser music video which is so awful that it provokes one to spew in their own, you know, mouth.

In the video, Levi plays a troublemaking suitor who faces his lover's disapproving mother.

Check out Levi Johnston Wins The Gay & Female Vote

Read the full post here. 

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October 04, 2010

WEIRD SCIENCE

What Rot! Life And Death On A Plate

THE EEWWW FACTOR HERE RANKS RIGHT UP THERE WITH EATING BOOGERS AND LIGHTING FARTS.

Just what you need to make the kiddies love science!

Ever wonder what happens to food when you leave it out to rot for two weeks? Well, here's your answer courtesy of the BBC's show Bang Goes The Theory.

Read the full post here. 

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September 23, 2010

KICKING THE HABIT

Play's The Thing That Breaks 2-Year-Old's Smoking Habit

ARDI RIZAL'S KICKED THE HABIT.

The two-year old Sumatran boy was smoking up to 40 ciggies a day when a video of him sucking on a cancer stick hit the Internet in May.

Read the full post here. 

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September 02, 2010

MIRRORING

Eminem's Love The Way You Lie Blurs Line Between Reality & Fiction

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ART IMITATING LIFE AND LIFE IMITATING ART?

The director of Eminem's new video to the hit Love The Way You Lie isn't based on Em and Kim, or Chris Brown and Rihanna.

"It's not a story about Eminem or Rihanna," Director Joseph Kahn tells MTV. "These are fictional characters in my head but obviously based on real human."

So he was merely inspired by Em's stormy relationship with twice exwife Kim but the video isn't about Em and Kim? And the video's storyline has nothing to do with Rihanna and Chris Brown's violent love?

Read the full post here. 

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August 11, 2010

EM'S ON FIRE

Hurts So Good: Eminem's Sizzlin' Love The Way You Lie Debuts

IS KIM STILL GETTING A CUT OF EMINEM'S RICHES? She oughta be.

And, in between slicing open his vein and spilling it all over paper, Em should give thanks for the perverse love the two shared that has propelled him to such dizzying highs and lows.

Today the poet scores another off his Kim addiction (by the way, Em, there's a drug for that) with the release of, ahem, a "fiery" music evoking the self-immolating destruction of domestic violence.

Read the full post here. 

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August 06, 2010

OMG!

Getting Trippy On A Double Rainbow

SNIFF, SNIFF, AUGH! OH GOD! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

We're guessing it just means that Hungrybear9562's getting trippy and experiencing god on mushrooms when he sees a double rainbow right in his front yard. Well, we can't swear on that part about the mushrooms. But we can say with certainty that he's experiencing some orgasmic life-affirming event evoking whoahs! and oh my gods and wows and yeahs!

Read the full post here. 

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July 11, 2010

CORPORATE STUPIDITY

Best Buy's Bad Move Over Virtual iPhone Spoof

A BEST BUY EMPLOYEE IS LEARNING THAT IT'S DANGEROUS TO TICK OFF YOUR CORPORATE DADDY.

Have you seen the hilarious video above? It depicts a cartoon bear phone salesman becoming increasingly frustrated by a customer who won't even consider an EVO 4G over the iPhone 4.

"The monthly bill is cheaper,'' the sales bear tells the customer. "I don't care," she responds. "It fucking prints money,'' the salesman tries again. "I don't care." "It can grant up to three wishes even if one of those wishes is for an iPhone."

"I don't care."

And so it goes until the sales bear is ready to chop of his most precious body part. (Warning: the video is being called NSFW.)

Read the full post here. 

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July 05, 2010

10 QUESTIONS

Making Girls Sigh And The Boys Jealous: Mumford & Sons

THE LOUD BUZZ ON BRITAIN'S Mumford & Sons arrived via the westerlies even before these lads landed in May for their second U.S. go-round. The four Londoners -- Marcus Mumford, Country Winston, Ben Lovett, and Ted Dwane -- who comprise this folk-pop foursome have become the secret that the cool kids whisper to each other.

In May, USA Today touted them as first of the "five buzz bands" to see this summer. And just last weekend, EW's reporter went weak-kneed while watching them at Bonnaroo in Tennessee.

Read the full post here. 

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June 15, 2010

HELP

Paris Jackson Pleads For Help On YouTube Video

PARIS JACKSON LOOKS POSITIVELY FORLORN AS SHE PLEADS FOR HELP FROM "MONKEY" ON A YouTube video, one of a cache of tapes showing up today depicting the Jackson kids. What if anything does it mean?

First order of business: finding out who's "monkey." A nickname for Michael? Reference to his beloved Bubbles?

And another question: does anyone care as much for the Jackson children as they do about wringing out profit from Michael's estate?

Via Gawker.

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May 12, 2010

RISICULOUS

Spring Break It Down!

THIS IS HIGHLARIOUS!

Dare we suggest that this is even better than Lady Gaga's Telephone? And just like Gah's it has product placement!

This spring break, party on you party animals, poseurs, wannabes, dudes and dudettes!

But word to the wise: don't pull a Natalee Holloway. And don't do anything that'll get you locked up in a foreign prison. 'Cause that'll blow your buzz in a hurry.

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March 26, 2010

MAY THE CENTRIFUGAL FORCE BE WITH YOU

India's Diamond Maruti Car Circus

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CRAZY? Here's thrillseeking Indian-style, in lieu of snowboarding, carnival rides and luging. People are nuts.

Via Gawker via Uncle Billy Unctator.

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March 16, 2010

LIFE IMITATES PRODUCT

Lady Gaga Blurs Life & Art For Sake Of The Sale

IT'S ALL PART OF THE PLOT:

Lady Gack goes to L.A. Airport for an international flight wearing a tulle veil and dark shades and refuses to remove them for security, prompting a full body search and provoking bondage fantasies for her fans.

And it all happens just in time for the release of her new video!

Telephone, featuring Beyoncé, made its web debut Thursday, prompting Gaga's little monsters to slobber and wet their panties.

The video depicts Lady G being tossed into a prison cell and stripped searched by two butch prison guards. But she's not incarcerated for too long before Honey B shows up, bails her out and steers the Pussy Wagon on a murderous road trip.

The 9:22 video is cliche wrapped in camp shrouded in homage to 70s Blackspoitation, made-for-TV lesbian prison flicks, feminist outlaws Thelma & Louise and Quentin Tarantino.

"I told you she didn't have a dick,'' says one jailer after tossing Gags in a cell and strip searching her. "Too bad,'' says a second.

And with those quips, Gaga responds to the wags who've taken to publicly groping her privates with their tongues looking for a penis. But is it mere coincidence or something more when, seven minutes in, the refrain I don't want to talk anymore increasingly begins to sound like "I don't want to tuck anymore?"

Read the full post here. 

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March 12, 2010

CHARISMA

Musak To My Ears

VIDEOGUM SAYS THIS IS THE LAST THING YOU SEE WHEN YOU DIE. THIS IS HELL? Bring on the Manhattans! We'll die a slow death on the elevator down.

Via Buzzfeed

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March 02, 2010

IT'S COMPLICATED

Past Performance Is Not Indicative Of Future Results

HERE'S A SNAP LESSON ON MODERN ECONOMICS THAT WE HOPE'S BEING TAUGHT IN B SCHOOLS ACROSS AMERICA.

It's in a form that the kiddies can appreciate: a rap history of 100 years of conflicting monetary policy produced by EconStories.

Does government keep its animal paws off the economy -- or pretend it has the reins?

I thought we already learned that answer from failed communist Russia.

Read the full post here. 

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February 17, 2010

TUMBLIN' DOWN

Lego As Metaphor For America's Teetering Economy?

A GREAT CONTRAPTION BUILT ON A SINGLE LEGO, boosted by posts, wooden tops, dominos, plastic TVs, bells, cartoon characters -- and all topped by clowns.

Just set a few wind-up tools -- I mean toys -- loose and viola!, the whole thing comes tumbling down.

God, this economy is poisoning our thoughts.

Maybe we should all just go play for the day at a nearby museum.

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November 17, 2009

WATCHING TIME GO BY

Crooner Andy Williams Reminisces In New Memoir

THIS ONE'S FOR THE OLDS: SINGER ANDY WILLIAMS IS HAWKING A GOSSIPY NEW BOOK in which he dishes sex, drugs and music.

"Sure I waited a long time to do it,'' Williams, 81, tells the Telegraph. "But who wants to buy an autobiography of someone in their teens? You've got to live life to write a book about it."

The sop pop singer -- who thinks Obama's a Marxist -- is giving interviews to sell his bio, Moon River and Me.

And after 60 years in show buziness, Williams, who used to swill champagne with the Rat Pack, knows how to satisfy a crowd. Among the secrets he's spilling:

Read the full post here. 

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November 04, 2009

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TOKENISM

A Rapping Ode To The 'Other' Man

RAPPER DUECE POPPI DON'T NEED NO MO FOS TELLING HIM WHO HE CAN PLAY WITH.

Especially when his 'white friends' got all the good weed, drive monster trucks and do wack things in outdoor bathtubs.

But always remember this, Duece? "Friends" won't leave you drunk and underneath a park bench. Cause cops won't look too kindly on a brother passed out with a bottle in his hands.

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October 30, 2009

INSPIRATION

Drunk As Inspiration

TRAGEDY ALWAYS INSPIRES ART.

Here's the YouTube drunk set to T Pain's Buy You A Drink. Now it's more than just voyeurism; not it's reached the level of documentary.

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October 15, 2009

DEFACTO PSA

We See Six Months Of Rehab In His Future

W

TF?

They're so cynical over at Gawker that they think this guy might part of a prank.

Slow-motion, looped editing, maybe. But there's no effing way this tool just decided to broadcast himself around the world smashed for kicks.

It's a riot as long as you don't know him.

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MAKING SENSE OF PATTERNS

On Rhymes & Reason

ABOUT THE ONLY TIME PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY WHO THEY SEEM IS WHEN THEY'RE toddlers singing innocent songs.

I wanted to write something about Letterman's problem and Jon Gosselin's problem, but this video is so much prettier than their mugs. It's by Ella ja Aleksi, two Finnish kids who sing something akin to a Values billboard in rap. Okay, whatever. I found it via BoingBoing by way of Buzzfeed, and someone else will pick it up tomorrow. Because the web is one big pyramid scheme.

Speaking of schemes, Letterman's handling of the extortion plot against him has earned him effusive praise from fans, TV muckety-mucks, and psychological spitballers.

We've all known for a long time that Dave is an equal opportunity crank, so imaging his wife as long-suffering was always a given. We're also not surprised that an underling jumped when her filthy rich boss made a pass at her. Lucky for Stephanie Birkitt that she isn't overweight and Dave's not a politician.

I also can't help but wonder what Jon Gosselin's past defenders think of him now that he's proven himself to be a limp turd.

We are always only part of who we say we are, and always more complicated than others think.

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October 07, 2009

SCIENCE-TOLOGY

A 'Musical Tribute To Two Great Men of Science'

ELECTRONICA COMPOSER JOHN BOSWELL'S RECENT YOUTUBE VIDEO makes astronomer Carl Sagan even more accessible -- and Stephen Hawking less scary -- with the help of auto tune.

"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch , you must first invent the universe," begins the mashup.

This funky, far-out shit has been watched more than 320,000 times in a week.

We concur with the video's fan rotocon who wrote on YouTube, "Great job! Now do Noam Chomsky!"

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September 29, 2009

A REAL BUZZ FEED

Paranormal Activity Uses Audience To Feed The Fear

HERE'S A MARKETING PLAN: HOLD A SNEAK PREVIEW OF AN UPCOMING MOVIE, TURN ON THE CAMERAS INSIDE THE THEATER AND CAPTURE AUDIENCE REACTION TO THE HORROR HAPPENING ON SCREEN.

The embedded comment cautions, "One of the scariest movies you will ever see. Do Not See It Alone!" Oh those Hollywood types know how to create a buzz, no?

Just check out the "official" trailer for the upcoming horror movie that's being touted as this decade's Blair Witch Project and which opened nationwide yesterday to limited release.

We caution the crowd: this is a gimmick, this is only a gimmick, albeit one that works pretty well.

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September 26, 2009

WITNESS TO CO-OPTING

White People's Version Of "The Best Video Of All Time!" So What Would Kanye Say?

WHO CAN LOOK AWAY FROM HER LIQUID GREEN EYES.

Who can resist the female half of Pomplamoose as she fuses hip hop with vanilla while singing Beyoncé's Single Ladies.

Pomplamoose is the musical marriage of Californians and certifiable YouTube stars Nataly Dawn and Jack Conte, who describe themselves simply as a "one-woman-one-man band" on Twitter. The duo has become such a web sensation that they've been hired to do web commercials, and their "videosongs" are now available on iTunes.

Oh yes their music is playable and much more suitable to piping into coffee shops, dorm rooms and downtown hipster parties than Mrs. JZ's feet-stomping version. We'll take both.

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September 25, 2009

DREAMS DO COME TRUE

Don't Be Tardy For The Trouble: Kim's Got A Single & NeNe's Gonna Be Angrrrry

LOOKS LIKE Kim Zolciak is the breakout star of Real Housewives of Atlanta! At least, for this season.

Kim's new one-hit wonder is (Don't Be) Tardy For The Party and I have to admit it's as contagious as a veneral disease.

After bombing in the studio last season, I'm surprised girlfriend is still determined to be a singing sensation. Fellow housewife and real singer Kandi was one of the producers and it's really due to her that the number's on YouTube and iTunes.

I saw Kim sing the hook after an agonizing anxiety attack that left her crying on the couch. She amazed herself just doing that. I'm not sure if that's her on the rest of the lyrics or not. With Auto tune, who the hell can tell. It's just… a voice singing a catchy tune.

You know drama's on the menu 'cause NeNe Leakes was supposed to sing on the song as well. But after Kim got the courage to do her hooks she pretty much said, "Ahh, I don't think we need her." Uh-oh, NeNe's gonna be angrrry!

I'm also sure she's pissed with Kim's collaboration and close friendship with Kandi; her bloody fall at the "alter ego" portraits party, and now girlfriend's got a record out!

NeNe, now you in danger, girl. Of being outplayed.

Let's talk about Miss NeNe for a minute. She's gotten increasingly, uh, bougie this season.

Has that new short cut gone to her head? And calling Kandi ghetto? One thing I do know is that Kandi's hair is fierce, while NeNe's weave sometimes has a small crown of dark hair showing.

Roots? A yarmulke? What is that?

I don't think none of these sisters, or Kim, come from money. If they did they wouldn't be on this show. They are the nouveau riche, and NeNe is proof.

Please, NeNe, leave that role to Sheree. Whose fashion show is greatly awaited.

Don't be tardy for the party!

SexyChattyCatty is a regular contributor at CrabbyGolightly.com where she writes frequently on TV, America's favorite snack food.

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September 24, 2009

CHEAP TRICK

Wanted: The Man Who Fathered 'August' Or 'Karen's' Head On A Stick

SOME ARE OUTRAGED AT THE PUBLICITY STUNT: A Danish beauty named Karen sends an SOS to the world in the hope of finding the father of her son, August, conceived during one serendipitious night on the town.

According to her YouTube video, Karen met up with a man vacationing in Copenhagen. The two laughed, drank, loved, conceived. Then, as she slept, the stranger slipped out of Karen's home.

She doesn't remember his name, or even what country he hails from, but he obviously made a strong impression. She shared her country's desire for hygge, slept with him and has a baby to prove it.

Or so "Karen" claims on the video, which has now been outed as an example of the lowest but most successful example of viral marketing.

Some claim the woman is really Danish actress Ditte Arnth who was hired to star in a viral campaign to promote tourism to Denmark. You know, tease those foreigners with a little anonymous sex.

Read the full post here. 

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September 13, 2009

NO PUSSYFOOTING AROUND HERE

A Purrfect Performance in This Cats' Duet

THINK WHAT IT WOULD DO FOR ATTENDANCE IF THIS TYPE OF HUMOR SPREAD TO OTHER CHURCHES!

Think "mashup" between Christians and cat lovers! Church membership would soar!

Because, on the church of the web, cats rule. So maybe singing a few odes to felines on Sundays might attract the next generation of worshippers.

Meow.

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August 24, 2009

LET'S PRETEND

Breaking News! Frenchman Best At Pretending He's A Rock Star

IF ONLY CRABBY HAD DEVELOPED A SENSE OF HUMOR EARLIER.

All that angst for nothing, all those rants wasting precious air time, all that striving.

If only I had taken it all less seriously, maybe I'd be raucously contorting myself with an invisible guitar, and claiming the title of "World's Air Guitarist Champion," as Sylvain 'Gunther Love' Quimene is right now.

Quimene won 2009's world air guitar showdown held in Finland on August 21st. According to AFP, "Quimene won the Championships after wowing judges with his acrobatic dance routines and outrageous outfits."

Oh, wait, Quimene, and last year's winner Hot Lixx Hulahan (shown above) probably sweated balls trying to become the world's best. I guess you just have to pick what you're gonna care about. Congrats fellas for tuning into fun and tuning out the crumbling world around.

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August 22, 2009

WHY POLITICIANS RUN FOR OFFICE

Just Another Way To Say 'Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others'

RAPT

5 YouTube Videos That Shrunk The World

I USED TO THINK THAT YOUTUBE was all trash and bullshit, a world stage for narcissists.

Then I indulged myself and discovered it was only mostly composed of trash and bullshit, albeit lots of it smelly fun.

Yet, between the cat videos and the cute babies, the wannabe rock stars and the punk'd victims, there have been a handful of videos that have provoked a collective -- and universal -- response of surprise and joy, amusement or horror. Here's five videos that shrunk the world.

1. NEDA DYING BEFORE THE CAMERA

W ATCHING NEDA AGHA-SOLTAN die, above, before my eyes rattles my entire body; it leaves me speechless and in total despair. The Iranian woman was shot during a street protest in Iran in June following what many Iranians believed was a fixed election. She looks to her right as blood trickles down her stunning young face. There is frenzied yelling in the background. The video gripped the entire world, spilling Iran's bloody struggle for independence into our living rooms.


2. JK WEDDING ENTRANCE


POSTED LESS THAN A MONTH AGO, this video of a wedding party twerkin' it down the aisle has already reached nearly 17 million views. Whodathunkit from a group of goofy-looking Minnesotans? But the pure joy of that first dance kept viewers coming and coming. The couple never expected their choreographed free-for-all to catch fire; their only intention was to let distance relatives see the show. Now Jill and Kevin have now asked viewers to donate to the Sheila Wellstone Institute, a domestic violence prevention agency; It was a Chris Brown's performance that sent them swaying down the aisle.

Read the full post here. 

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August 05, 2009

YOUTUBE

Warning: Avoid This YouTube Clip When Dropping Acid

SOMETIMES MY TEENAGE BROTHER JACKSON GIVES ME some real duds, YouTubally speaking. Case in point: the David Blaine spoof that everyone but me thought was hilaaarious.

Of course, I love my little bro, so I laughed and nodded, but never watched that shit again.

Usually, though, Jackson sends me the funniest clips, my favorite of which has proven to be Drinking Out of Cups by Dan Deacon and Liam Lynch.

Here's the deal: Some dudes dropped acid, and one of them thought it apropos to just go chill in a closet and mumble to himself. Fortunately, his fellow psychedelic crusaders were prepared for such an event with a tape recorder and some mean animation skillz.

Read the full post here. 

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July 24, 2009

YOU MAY TWIST THE BRIDE

YouTube's Happeningest Wedding Ever

WHAT A LUCKY COUPLE. You've got to believe that they're a good match, that they share values and laughs, that they're in love.

At least, that's what I want to believe. And if they divorce 10 years from now, I don't know want to know.

I want to believe that this baptism of love, this dance party down the aisle, created such good karma that the dirty socks and the crying babies and the unpaid bills won't amount to much more than a headache.

Minnesota newlyweds Jillian Peterson and Kevin Heinz -- maybe single-handedly saved Chris Brown's career when they got their wedding party started even before tying the knot before God's eyes.

The couple and their wedding party boogied down the aisle to Brown's Forever minutes before exchanging vows.

A video of the dance posted to YouTube earlier this week has gone viral and generated more than 1.3 million hits, as well as TV and print interviews.

"I think it was one of the first things we decided on when we got engaged," Peterson said in an interview with WCCO-TV in Minneapolis.

Early this morning, she said on Good Morning America, "It was something I always wanted to do. I wanted to dance in on the wedding. And Kevin jumped in on board."

We are presuming -- and praying -- that the bride and groom live happily ever after.

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SPACE INVASION!

Science Fiction Or Fact? Twitter Invades Earth In Transformers Parody

VENETIAN PRINCESS, WHO BOASTS SHE'S THE " No. One Female on YouTube, spoofs two pop culture touchtones in one satiric video: Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen and Twitter.

The Princess, a.k.a. Jodie Rivera, a.k.a. Missy Lil' DingleVP, whose Octomom video parody awarded her ink in USA Today, The Los Angeles Times and Radar online. Her turn here as a faux Megan Fox is at least equal to Megan Fox's.

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July 15, 2009

SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO USE IT

MEGAN FOX SPEAKS

She Has A Mouth And She's Not Afraid To Use It

WE ARE SHOWING THIS TOTALLY GRATUITOUS VIDEO TODAY BECAUSE WE HAVE NOTHING TO SAY AND MEGAN FOX'S IN THE NEWS. And here's the bonus: You get to hear her talk!

It's shocking to hear a beautiful woman's voice when you only see her image on video and hear her through the printed word.

I remember hearing Princess Diana speak over the airwaves for the first time. I was like, oh my God, she speaks! I can't explain my very odd reaction; maybe she was supposed to stay a fairytale.

Megan's voice sounds just how you think a coquette would sound. Isn't she adorable?And she's a feminist too! She's got it all going for her.

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June 24, 2009

WHAT GOES UP, MUST COME DOWN

Friday Night Flashback: Berlin Wall Falls

AS IRAN TEETERS ON THE BRINK, IT'S FITTING TO REMEMBER THE FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL IN 1989.

The barbed wire and concrete structure went up in 1961 and was a worldwide symbol of the tyranny imposed by the U.S.S. R. on Eastern Europe.

During the next three decades, three uprisings against the Communist dictatorship -- in East Berlin in 1953, Budapest in 1956, Prague in 1968 -- sought to topple the Soviet Union's government.

It took Mikhail Gorbachov's rise to power, aided by the internal collapse of the Soviet financial and industrial systems, to bring change in the mid-1980s. The Berlin Wall came down in 1989 after mass demonstrations forced East Germany's head of state Erich Honecker to resign.

Then, according to published reports, "at 06.53 pm on November 9, 1989 a member of the new East German government was asked at a press conference when the new East German travel law comes into force. He answered: "Well, as far as I can see, ... straightaway, immediately. Thousands of East Berliners went to the border crossings. At Bornholmer Strasse the people demanded to open the border and at 10.30 pm the border was opened there."

Some idealogues conveniently credit Ronald Reagan for the wall's demise. But doing so dismisses the will of Eastern Europeans hungry for freedom at any price, and who brought the walls "come tumbling down".

Now the world watches as another wall comes down, even if it's one that exists only in the mind.

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June 19, 2009

MAKE-BELIEVE

Geeks Create Make-Believe World Where Megan Fox Would Be Interested In Them

OH, BOYS AND THEIR GAMES.

Here's one where they get to make a robotic Megan Fox even hotter than the real one.

Even more ridiculous is the assumption that one of them could win her.

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June 17, 2009

LET'S GET TRIPPY

Friday Night Flashback: The Banana Splits

BEFORE SPONGEBOB, BEFORE THE MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS, before Pee Wee's Playhouse and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, there was "The Banana Splits."

We bring THE BANANA SPLITS to you for no other reason than to amuse ourselves, and with apologizes to Tom Wolfe, to remind us of 70s' electric kool-aid kiddy TV.

Enjoy the trip.

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June 12, 2009

CATS RULE, TAKE TWO

Meet Hugo, The Cat Of A 1000 Faces

MEET HUGO, BONAFIDE YOUTUBE FELINE STAR.

Hugo's his screen name, but this cool cat's real name is Walter, we presume the tormented pet of one jonathanhowells, forced into donning disguises of every imaginable sort.

But life isn't all bad for Walter, as he's the talk of chat shows, has his own video series on YouTube, stars in his own Star Wars sequel, is subject of his very own Facebook fan page.

When you're a celebrity like Walter, you learn to take the good with the bad, sort of like the Gosselin family is finding out.

Remember, baby, cats rule on the web!

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May 27, 2009

TGIF

In Honor Of Heroes -- And Friday

YEAH FOR THE LONG WEEKEND!

And while you're out barbecuing, throwing down drinks and then throwing them back up, pulling up yard signs, stealing bananas, remember our fallen heroes!

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May 22, 2009

YOUTUBE

Her Hair Weave Could Qualify Her As A "Bond" Girl

I LOVE FINDING LITTLE NUGGETS OF YOUTUBE GOLD FROM LOCAL NEWS CHANNELS, the kind of clips that make it obvious that there just wasn't much news on that given day (i.e. "Leprechaun in the Tree"). The elation is comparable to finding $20 in an old coat or a nice note from Mom in your lunchbox.

This one, compliments of a FOX affiliated of course, is a real peach.

Here's the premise: Kansas City resident Briana Bonds didn't think she'd live to see her 21st birthday. When a 40-caliber bullet hit her in the back of her head, her weave prevented it from penetrating her skull. WTF was the weave made from?, a commenter asks. "Kevlar?"

"I’ve been wearing it for years," Bonds explains. "I’ve invested a lot of money into this weave and it saved my life!"

Bonds was shot by her ex-boyfriend, Juan, when she told a friend of Juan's that she no longer loved him. One of Brianna's initial thoughts, she says, was that she's "not even 21 yet." Seriously, we hope that's not because ordering beer legally is the most she has to look forward to.

The bullet grazed the back of her head and drew a little blood, but it was the goopy-ass glue on her scalp that ended its course. The bullet, Bonds says, was hanging in her weave.

"Briana says her main concern now is getting her car window replaced," the reporter said.

While I recognize the seriousness of the incident, sympathize with Briana, and am happy that she is alive and kickin', I have to wonder about her priorities. Your car window, honey? Shouldn't you be more concerned that old boy Juan just tried to murder you?

This story truly is "unbe-weave-able."

Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, writes about YouTube for CrabbyGolightly. She enjoys drinking copious amounts of wine, riding her vintage bike, and snuggling with her kitty-cat named Gretta. You can check out her cooking blog at feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com

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May 15, 2009

YOUTUBE

Billy Mays Couldn't Sell It Any Better

ONCE THE STALE NOVELTY OF CHUCK NORRIS IS FINALLY SHED, Billy Mays ushers in another sardonic subject for Urban Outfitters literature.

Billy Mays, of course, is the bearded champion of nifty infomercial products such as OxiClean. YouTube group Jabo0ody Dubs takes it upon themselves to liven the infomercials of Billy Mays.

My personal favorite, the most quotable, is Mighty Putty. This video highlights the "fuckin, green to white technology" by which the Mighty Putty activates. Ever notice how all of these products have some kind of glamorized "new technology"?

Billy Mays boasts that Mighty Putty's strength can outdo even Optimus Prime. Your fat ass break a chair? Fix it with Mighty Putty! "You get the idea."

Honorable mention is the cleaning product Kaboom. This "fantastic product" alleviates the stress inherent with people pooping in the tub, having sex in vases, and eating spaghetti in the shower. Kaboom, baby.

Other good Billy Mays dubs are for the Neverscrub, a device that goes into the tanks of toilets, with "continuous cleaning that is continuously cleaning" and a fetish-loving woman to endorse it; Hercules Hooks, perfect for hanging "hundreds of fifties of pounds of shit" on your wall; and Zorbees, which is not unlike Sham-Wow, the super-absorbent product endorsed by manic hooker-beating Vince Shlomi.

The appropriation of and creation of meaning for suicide-inducing infomercials? Priceless. Thanks, Jabo0ody Dubs.

Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, writes about YouTube for CrabbyGolightly. She enjoys drinking copious amounts of wine, riding her vintage bike, and snuggling with her kitty-cat named Gretta. You can check out her cooking blog at feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com

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April 30, 2009

YOUTUBE

More Evidence that "Britain's Got Talent": Sheep Art

THE BAA-STUDS, A GROUP FROM WALES comprised of a few men (Emris, Gerry, Rob, and Bernard) with a vast amount of time on their hands, created "Extreme Shepherding."

"Extreme Shepherding" is some pretty trippy shit.

The shepherd and sheep dogs maneuver the sheep into remarkable patterns beginning with what appears to be, well, a giant sheep meandering along the hilly pasture.

They then attach webs of string lights to the backs of each sheep and turn them into what is undoubtedly the most riveting game of Pong that I personally have ever witnessed.

They can even assign different colored lights to the sheep, arrange them into boxes, and photograph them to create Chuck Close-esque images. An example: a recreation of the Mona Lisa (by Leonardo "Baa-Vinci").

And, finally, a fireworks display.

Who knew sheep were capable of more than the stunning display in "Babe"?

Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, writes about YouTube for CrabbyGolightly. She enjoys drinking copious amounts of wine, riding her vintage bike, and snuggling with her kitty-cat named Gretta. You can check out her cooking blog at feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com

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April 18, 2009

REAL TALK

Deconstructing R. Kelly's Career

Awriting professor opines: "To write well, you must be completely obsessed with your subject." This week, I am obsessed with R. Kelly.

Though his spotlight is dimming, I am fascinated with the progression of his career, which has spanned close to 20 years.
Exhibit A --I feel so freaky to-niiiight! Robert Kelly used to sing songs like Sex Me, a breathy ballad from 1993 which employs phrases like "have no fear, 'cuz ecstasy is near," "unexpected positions, bring it on," and "any secret fantasy?"

And that's just in the first verse. (Hope he lasts longer in real life.)

Read the full post here. 

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March 27, 2009

YouTube

Pots O' Gold Or Found Misfortune? YouTube Leprechauns

MARCH IS MY LEAST FAVORITE MONTH, always has been.

I hate it when Spring leans across the bar and bats its eyelashes at you, but then relinquishes flirtation and reveals its true identity as "evil prude."

Meanwhile, fat middle-aged Winter, which has conveniently forgotten to apply deodorant, has been waiting in the wings and swoops down to try to buy you Jagerbombs.

March is the big bitch bartender who watches over this whole ordeal and laughs at you.

But suddenly, one day, March 17th to be exact, the month becomes infinitely more appealing. This is the day that the big bitch bartender pours me a pint of dark beer. Guinness and Bell's Porter will do that to a girl: convince her that her least favorite month isn't so bad after all.

Of course, I have Saint Patrick's Day to thank for the demystification of my now coveted brew, and, duh, leprechauns to thank for Saint Patrick's Day (right?). Okay, so while I know I'm totally wrong about the origins of the Irish holiday, I still have memorialized the glory of those magically delicious creatures with a few choice YouTube videos.

First , and foremost, allow yourself to be transported to Mobile, Ala., the site of perhaps the most recent leprechaun visit. There was, apparently, a leprechaun a tree, a sight which drew a crowd of real characters. A guy about 28 seconds into the clip, incites more brouhaha by yelling, "Who else
seen the leprechaun say yeeeeeeeeeeeahhhh!"

Read the full post here. 

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March 13, 2009

YouTube

YouTube's Ronald Jenkees Plays Techno Without The Pretense

LAST SATURDAY, I WENT TO EXCALIBUR -- a sordid Chicago nightclub -- to listen to a couple of my roommate's favorite DJs.

After sifting through throngs of douchebags, blowing $6 on a bottle of water, and drunkenly being flopped around by a mass of dudes scolding me for calling the "trance" music "techno," a condescending bimbo leaned in and whispered/yelled into my ear "Umm, honey, your fly is down!"

That was it. I decided I hated electronic music and all of its followers. I was determined to be a dirty acoustic-loving hippie for the rest of my days. Until… I remembered Ronald Jenkees, a self-taught keyboard fiend who got his start on YouTube.

Read the full post here. 

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March 02, 2009

YOUTUBE CLASSIC

It's The "Death Of A Salesman" Of YouTube

MEET JACK REBNEY, A.K.A. The Winnebago Man, YouTube sensation and subject of his own Wikipedia entry.

Drink him in, my friends, and find gut-churning pleasure in his extreme displeasure of himself, as well as flies, his mind, the heat, and just about everything else in his path.

"We've got flies all over the fucking place. Sh-on of a bitch! Get out of here you fucking flies! ...We've got flies coming for us,'' he warns in these video outtakes from a 1988 shoot for a Winnebago promotional film. "Get the fuck out of here you flies!" and so it goes.

But flies aren't his only target: Jack does a fair share of verbal self-flagellating with frequent outburts. "I've got to read it again because my mind is just a piece of shit this morning! God I can't fucking make my mind work!"

Evidently the shoot was on a very hot day, causing Rebney him to forget “the goddamn line” numerous times. This guy is the angriest, vulgarest, awesomest cartoon ever, and his outbursts are so authentic, never forced, always terrifying.

Though the video is astonishing because of Rebney's violent bellowing, one of my favorite moments is about 30 seconds in when he gets so angry, all he can do is throw his arms up in the air, stiffly and repeatedly. The original video apparently nabbed third place in VH1’s Best of Web Junk 2006 but the original is not your only option.

You can check out the Winnebago Man Gibberish outtakes or the Ultimate Extreme Edition for an additional 45 seconds of the lunacy. Do me a kindness, and enjoy this video, you goddamn jackass!

Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, writes about YouTube for CrabbyGolightly. She enjoys drinking copious amounts of wine, riding her vintage bike, and snuggling with her kitty-cat named Gretta. You can check out her cooking blog at feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com

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February 17, 2009

THOSE DARN KIDS

Favorite Celebu-Spawn Of The YouTube Crowd

SOME OF THE MOST MEMORABLE -- AND MOST QUOTED -- YouTube videos in my household are ones featuring little kids. Watching these videos can make a person want to either: A) spawn a litter and home-school them; or (B) put his/her nuts on the chopping block (hypothetically, of course).

Here's a countdown of my absolutely favorite videos.

No. 9: Baby Watches Too Many "Ninja Warrior" Marathons OnDemand I don't believe that this baby exists.

No. 8: Warning: These Links Will Make Your Ovaries Quiver. I only recently realized that videos of babies laughing comprise a sizeable sector of Youtube. We have raspy redheads in high chairs, off-balance babes, little Theo who loves the Wii, and Ethan, who is absolutely enamored by ripping paper. My favorite moment is 35 seconds in, when he acts like it is the very first piece of paper he has ever ripped, and at 1 min 7 sec, when he makes the most adorable face, as if to say “You son of bitch, you know that I can't help but laugh manically and topple over when you hand me that paper…”

No. 7: I'm Just Buzzed. If I'm not mistaken, little Pearl is played by the daughter of the guy opposite Will Ferrell in this video short. They wanted to take advantage of her macaw-like age, her ability to repeat words and not retain them. Although this is pre-meditated, it doesn't make it any less awesome.

No. 6: The Eyebrows Say It All. This is one that I play over and over, and then send to friends having bad days. There is just no freakin' way this kid won't make you smile. He was on the Tyra show and she patronized the shit out of him, but he was hilarious as he discussed his overwhelming popularity.

Read the full post here. 

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February 11, 2009

WAX MUSIC

Apply Salve Before Sampling YouTube's 'Chapstick' Girl

I'M SITTING AT MY PARENT'S HOUSE WHEN I CHECK MY FACEBOOK. I have a wall post from my roommate, Andy. "This makes me SO uncomfortable," it reads. Below it is a hyperlink to YouTube. I click on the blue link and my world is changed forever.

I meet a pimply-faced, rotund teenage girl. Her bulbous frame, clad in a red T-shirt, fills the computer screen. Her face rests gently on her left hand, and she emits a Napoleon Dynamite-esque sigh. She rubs her lips, and declares that they hurt.

"Where's the chapstick?" she asks herself. And then, precisely 11 seconds into the video, it dawns on her -- it's song time. For the next 90 seconds I'm entranced by high-pitched beat boxing punctuated by "Where's the chapstick?!," and then finally "I found the chapstick!!" in a goofy-as-shit voice.

Read the full story about Chapstick Girl here.
Sophia Ulmer, a creative writing major at Columbia College in Chicago, writes about YouTube for CrabbyGolightly. She enjoys drinking copious amounts of wine, riding her vintage bike, and snuggling with her kitty-cat named Gretta. You can check out her cooking blog at feckinfranchtoast.blogspot.com

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February 03, 2009

'NOUGH SAID

Amazing Grace: Jennifer Hudson Soars Despite Tragedy

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February 01, 2009

VIRAL VIRTUE

YouTube's Sideshow To Brit's 'Circus'

By Crabby Golightly

IT BOGGLES THE MIND TO THINK THAT YOUTUBE HAS ONLY BE FILLING THE VOID SINCE 2005.

Imagine the billions of funny, pointless, desperate, violent and or existential moments from strangers' lives that we've missed seeing over centuries! I guess that's why people used to read.

I confess: I am not one to sit around and watch videos of kitties swatting at bottlecaps or time-lapsed season changes.

But as my luck would have it, this observer was in the vicinity of an entertainer perusing YouTube for covers of Brit's new Circus."

This duo undeniably has the best rendition. But what do I know; I'm just a wannabe in the back seat.

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January 11, 2009

POP CULTURE

My World Is Crumbling! Not. Chris Crocker Quits YouTube

CHRIS CROCKER RELEASED A FINAL "GOODBYE" VIDEO ON YouTube, THE SITE THAT launched him from small town girl to “household name.” (Read: household joke).

In the video (which I have replayed about fifteen times with hopes of diagnosing whatever the fuck social and psychological issues he has), Crocker reveals that he decided to delete his account because the site is ashamed of their most popular user and the “self-declared face of YouTube.”

Whenever I pop over to YouTube I usually stay comfortably away from Crocker's giant library of personality porn, and I have only seen the most famous, “Leave Britney Alone” video! (Which, coincidentally, I mistook for a reenactment of that famous scene from Saved By The Bell where Jesse breaks down after becoming addicted to caffeine pills). Every time he speaks I watch in horror through the cracks between my fingers just like I would passing a car wreck. (Or, more accurately, a clown-car pile-up but with more wigs and makeup.)

Crocker used his last YouTube vlog to announce his new website mschriscrocker.com where he will carry on his treasured legacy and “finally let [his] tranny-ass hair down.”

While I shutter at the idea, I feel the shenanigans will lose momentum without YouTube (because he's the type of pseudo-celebrity that you give in to watching because they just won't go away (see: Carmen Electra). Crocker's a phenom, but YouTube is a revolution. Chris Crocker is a funny face to brand, but then so were the Geico Cavemen. Basketball was still big when Michael Jordan went to baseball, and we presume coke dealers didn't suffer when Amy Winehouse when to rehab.

My advice to Crocker: remember where you came from and don't try and outdo your maker. (That didn't even work in “I, Robot”). Before this tranny ass, YouTube had the waterskiing squirrel. Now that he's leaving, thousands of gay boys across America are poised to fill his red sparkly heels and he will likely fade into reality TVland, or the club-hosting world of ex-pseudo-stardom.

Benjamin Bradshaw B. is a fashion merchandising student who comments periodically at CrabbyGolightly on fashion, trends and advertising. You can reach him at Myspace.com/taterzz.com.

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August 07, 2008

POP CANDY

In The Theater of the Absurd, Shun The Nonbeliever

KIDS, BE CAREFUL OF ANYONE WHO LURES YOU WITH CANDY.

In this instance, it's a metaphor for either the unknown or broken promises. Neither has a happy ending.

P.S. My dearests tell me I remind them of the skeptical unicorn Charlie. Yes it's true: I'm jaded by experience!

But I still have both my kidneys.

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July 04, 2008

And Friday's Word Of The Day is "Daft"

APROPOS OF NOTHING, TODAY'S LESSON FROM CRABBYTOWN IS ON THE DEFINITION OF "DAFT."

The Random House College Dictionary, Revised Edition, defines "daft," adj., as

1. insane; crazy.

2. Simple or foolish.

3. Scot. merry; playful; frolicsome. Derived from the Middle English word 'dafte' meaning uncouth, awkward; earlier meaning; gentle, meek. As compared to "deft," adj., meaning "dexterous; nimble;skillful; clever."

Let's use the word in a sentence, shall we? "I'm sorry it must be said, but George Bush Jr. is daft to think he was worthy of being president." Very good, class.

Some contemporary usages include "Daft Punk," a reference to a post-punk French duo making electronic music for the 21st Century. Initially the techno-pop twosome wore masks or robotic disguises due to shyness, but the practice morphed them into "superheroes" for their human fans.

The band inspired "Daft Bodies", a YouTube sensation (you can activate above) showing two boxed-headed nymphettes dancing to the techno-pop's song, "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger." And, frankly, the shameful excuse for this post. There are other notable YouTube tributes to the techno-popsters, but no peers in Crabby's judgment.

How do I know this? I rely on those crazy kids over at Hey, Be Us! to keep me informed, who when not posting on the web are helping to eradicate racism in the world. Check them out!

On a completely different note, other crazy kids, these found at the University of Pennsylvania's Daily Pennsylvanian endorsed Hillary Clinton because they think she's the can-do candidate. In other words, she's "harder, better, faster, stronger."

Philadelphia, America's birthplace of Independence, is showing that steely trait again! Out of 50 student newspaper endorsements, all but five have endorsed Barack Obama. Crabby suspects the endorsement presages the outcome of next Tuesday's Keystone state primary. But then again, who won't be surprised?

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April 18, 2008

And Friday's Word Of The Day is "Daft"

APROPOS OF NOTHING, TODAY'S LESSON FROM CRABBYTOWN IS ON THE DEFINITION OF "DAFT."

The Random House College Dictionary, Revised Edition, defines "daft," adj., as

1. insane; crazy.

2. Simple or foolish.

3. Scot. merry; playful; frolicsome. Derived from the Middle English word 'dafte' meaning uncouth, awkward; earlier meaning; gentle, meek. As compared to "deft," adj., meaning "dexterous; nimble;skillful; clever."

Let's use the word in a sentence, shall we? "I'm sorry it must be said, but George Bush Jr. is daft to think he was worthy of being president." Very good, class.

Some contemporary usages include "Daft Punk," a reference to a post-punk French duo making electronic music for the 21st Century. Initially the techno-pop twosome wore masks or robotic disguises due to shyness, but the practice morphed them into "superheroes" for their human fans.

The band inspired "Daft Bodies", a YouTube sensation (you can activate above) showing two boxed-headed nymphettes dancing to the techno-pop's song, "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger." And, frankly, the shameful excuse for this post. There are other notable YouTube tributes to the techno-popsters, but no peers in Crabby's judgment.

How do I know this? I rely on those crazy kids over at Hey, Be Us! to keep me informed, who when not posting on the web are helping to eradicate racism in the world. Check them out!

On a completely different note, other crazy kids, these found at the University of Pennsylvania's Daily Pennsylvanian endorsed Hillary Clinton because they think she's the can-do candidate. In other words, she's "harder, better, faster, stronger."

Philadelphia, America's birthplace of Independence, is showing that steely trait again! Out of 50 student newspaper endorsements, all but five have endorsed Barack Obama. Crabby suspects the endorsement presages the outcome of next Tuesday's Keystone state primary. But then again, who won't be surprised?

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Chris Crocker: "Crazy" Like A Fox. Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

Chris Crocker gained instant notoriety this week when he posted an impassioned plea on YouTube to "Leave Britney Alone!" As of 6:56 a.m. Thursday morning, the video had been viewed 3,537,314 times since it was posted two days earlier. Not bad for a 19-year-old who declares obliguely on his YouTube profile that "The game is positivity. I believe the best way to to educate and spread positivity is through entertainment, which translates to edutainment. Which just so happens to be my speciality."

The last part is crystal clear: Since signing on to YouTube last February, "Chris Crocker" has posted 66 videos which, in their totality, have been viewed a whopping 20,173,938 times as of 6:36 a.m. September 13. Not bad reach for kid who made his debut just six months ago. Quick, someone sign this talent to MTV! Producers could then help him buff the chasm between his two self-proclaimed personas, one being "The New Christ," the other being "The Queen of Ghetto." (Or perhaps Chris knows something about Jesus Christ that I haven't heard before? Or maybe he's referring to Jesus' love of the downtrodden?)

The now-dead media savant Marshall McLuhan declared famously of TV that "the medium is the message." If he were alive, I wonder what he would say about the Internet. McLuhan's insight about TV's power has now become a truism about the web too. Once we dreamed about traveling the world in 80 days; 80 seconds is all it takes on YouTube. I imagine it's only weeks if not days before new media company is producing a "Best Of Chris Crocker CD," to be available soon afterwards through NetFlix.

In one of his earlier videos, Chris gives a tantalizing lecture on the meaning of "normal," in which he scorns conformity. "I'd rather be called crazy,'' he says. "In this day and age, crazy is a compliment. ... Normal is like calling me a cunt. Don't call me that. If you call me normal, I'm gonna knock-ya, sock-ya. But if you call me crazy, I'm going to say, "You're sweet."

Chris, you're crazy, and I mean it in the nicest way possible.

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September 13, 2007