Bad Gay Glam Rock: A RuPaul's Drag Race Recap

RAVEN LAMENTS THE LOSS OF MORGAN BUT WHAT SHE REALLY FEELS IS, hey, one mo ho down. Tyra's thinking about the bad blood that still runs between her and Tatty when Ru's She-Mail announces a rock and roll night.

Ru enters the workroom in black cycle gear. The mini-challenge: styling a wig into rock chick hair in 30 minutes. Tatty's worried and Juju wants to win her first challenge. Lots of teasing and gluing and 29 minutes later we see the most horrible creations known to man in hair. Tyra, who seems to know nothing before the advent of Beyoncé, calls hers Sasha Fierce. Sigh. And Raven rocks a rocker mom. Tatty says her girl got completely trashed and her wig definitely is. Ru says Sahara's is too subtle, and Pandora's is Mustang Sally.

Jessica used some green hair and says hers is modeled on Jem. Ah, no.

Juju begins her story by telling Ru her girl was shopping for deli meats when Ru stops her and asks when she lost control of her wig. And the winner: Pandora with her less ugly hot mess, I guess.

For the main challenge the he-ladies will transform themselves into hot rocker chicks using their own drag. Ru commands them to take it up to 11. ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/glam_rock_was_never_quite_so_f.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/glam_rock_was_never_quite_so_f.html Television Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:08:56 -0600 UNMASKED

Rielle Hunter: The Crazy At The Center Of A Storm

FOUR YEARS AFTER SHE HAD HIM AT HELLO, GQ delivers a revealing interview with Rielle Hunter, the crazy at the center of John Edwards' storm.

Hunter, who turns 46 March 20th, invites a reporter over for a sleepover, confides details of her deceitful two-year sexual liaison with a presidential candidate who's wife has cancer, poses seductively on the resulting love child's twin bed with Kermit, Dora, Barney and a hoot owl, then cries "repulsive" when the pictures go meta.

The media had a field day Monday mocking Hunter's witless blunder. The Boston Herald snaps "Really Rielle? Get Your Pants On!" while Wonkette cracks, "RIELLE HUNTER IS NOW SAD! Jesus, did she think they'd Photoshop some pants onto her?"

And while the pictures of the adulteress in men's white dress shirt on her daughter's bed are provocative, they aren't nearly as revealing as the 10-page interview in which a blithely self-unaware Hunter dispenses relationship advice, asserts that "Johnny" "doesn't lie," claims "compassion" for his dying wife, and confesses bedding Edwards' hours after meeting him.]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/rielle_hunter_unmasked_the_crazy_at_the_center_of_a_storm.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/rielle_hunter_unmasked_the_crazy_at_the_center_of_a_storm.html Buzz Tue, 16 Mar 2010 02:31:39 -0600 STATE OF MIND

Same Backstabbing, Different Coast: New York Housewives Return

THE NEW SEASON OF THE NEW YORK HOUSEWIVES BEGINS WHERE THEIR O.C. SISTERS LEFT OFF -- with a girls trip gone bad.

Ramona rents a yacht and invited all her girlfiends out. Alex, Jill and LuAnn attend and Alex is shocked at Ramona's warm welcome after all the shit talking she does about her. Everyone's having drinks and fun when LuAnn brings up a remark she overhead from Mario. It seems he called her "Countless." Which really is kinda true since she now is Count less. Since it really isn't the time or place for it Ramona goes off and accuses her of being rude and wanting to ruin her outing. Jill jumps in, Ramona feels attacked and flees to go cry and hang out inside with her other "real" girlfriends. The trip ends with hugs and champagne but hurt feelings remain.

From her reaction, Bethenny told Jill the worst thing she's ever heard: "You need to get a hobby." ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/same_story_different_coast_new_york_ihousewivesi_return.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/same_story_different_coast_new_york_ihousewivesi_return.html Television Mon, 15 Mar 2010 07:50:04 -0600 ALTERNATIVE PLAN

Gay Fantasia On Ice: Johnny Weir Proposes Touring Show With Lady GaGa

THE FANTASTIC MR. FOXY Johnny Weir doesn't need no stinkin' Stars on Ice gig. That's for little girls and sparkly boy-wannabes. The fabulous Johnny's got bigger dreams: His own touring ice show with the Lady Gah!

Just days after reports hit the web that Weir was denied a spot on the U.S.'s only figure skating tour because he wasn't "family friendly," Johnny confirmed to Access Hollywood that the rumors were true.

"It is for real. I've never been invited to do Star on Ice before," Johnny told Billy Bush. "It's disappointing that I can't perform for my American fans… all because I'm not 'family friendly' enough."]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/weir_proposes_gay_delight_gaga.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/weir_proposes_gay_delight_gaga.html Buzz Sun, 14 Mar 2010 01:24:49 -0600 WHATEVER 'IT' IS

How Do You Define S E X?

SO THIS COLUMN IS ABOUT SEX, RIGHT? Seems simple enough.

But really, what IS sex?

Of course, there is the umbrella of "sex," under which everything sexual in nature resides. But when you say you "had sex with someone," what does that mean?

Before some heady examination, one may think it's as simple as the baseball paradigm of bases, ending with, naturally, p-in-vahgee intercourse. This is much too basic, much too trite, and -- as I've found in various conversations -- has meanings that are incredibly skewed from person to person.

I personally have always thought that first base was making out, second was HJs, third was BJs, and when you reached home plate -- intercourse -- you were able to say you'd "had sex" with someone.

Of course, it is NEVER that simple. The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, named after the vaunted sexologist Alfred C., asked 204 men and 282 women their definition of the term "had sex." ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/how_do_you_define_s_e_x.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/how_do_you_define_s_e_x.html Sex Sat, 13 Mar 2010 11:09:37 -0600 LIFE IMITATES PRODUCT

Lady Gaga Blurs Life & Art For Sake Of The Sale

IT'S ALL PART OF THE PLOT:

Lady Gack goes to L.A. Airport for an international flight wearing a tulle veil and dark shades and refuses to remove them for security, prompting a full body search and provoking bondage fantasies for her fans.

And it all happens just in time for the release of her new video!

Telephone, featuring Beyoncé, made its web debut Thursday, prompting Gaga's little monsters to slobber and wet their panties.

The video depicts Lady G being tossed into a prison cell and stripped searched by two butch prison guards. But she's not incarcerated for too long before Honey B shows up, bails her out and steers the Pussy Wagon on a murderous road trip.

The 9:22 video is cliche wrapped in camp shrouded in homage to 70s Blackspoitation, made-for-TV lesbian prison flicks, feminist outlaws Thelma & Louise and Quentin Tarantino.

"I told you she didn't have a dick,'' says one jailer after tossing Gags in a cell and strip searching her. "Too bad,'' says a second.

And with those quips, Gaga responds to the wags who've taken to publicly groping her privates with their tongues looking for a penis. But is it mere coincidence or something more when, seven minutes in, the refrain I don't want to talk anymore increasingly begins to sound like "I don't want to tuck anymore?"

]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/lady_gaga_blurs_life_and_art_f.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/lady_gaga_blurs_life_and_art_f.html Buzz Fri, 12 Mar 2010 08:09:19 -0600 SURPRISE ENDING

American Idol Pours On The Heartbreak

BOO AND BOO HOO!

Americans' sent home four performers last night and it's night's like these that makes you think the vote is rigged.

First to go is Katelyn Epperly. I was happy to see her go since she hasn't wowed me this year. Apparently the judges are looking for people with "wow" factors and Katelyn doesn't have it.

Then Todrick Hall gets the boot. I thought he did a great job and he moved the audience. But I guess he didn't "wow" America and wasn't memorable enough to get votes.

Then Alex "Mullet" Lambert gets cut -- but still not the one he needs! ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/iamerican_idoli_pours_on_the_heartbreak.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/iamerican_idoli_pours_on_the_heartbreak.html Television Fri, 12 Mar 2010 07:53:14 -0600 SERVING UP EXPIRED

O.C.'s Real Housewives' Leftovers Leave Bitter Aftertaste

AS IF WE HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH, BRAVO SERVES UP ANOTHER DOSE OF BATHOS WITH BACK-TO-BACK "Reunion" shows of the O.C.'s Housewives. Didn't the season just end?

Of course, we can never see enough squabbling between husband and wife (Tamra and Simon), mother and daughter (Lynne and Alexa), friend and spouse (Vicki and Simon). So we get to see it all again!!

And there's never enough time to illustrate how slippery slimey Slade Smiley actually is. (Try saying that five times!)

We discover that Gretchenis singing now as well as producing a makeup line. I heard a little bit of her song. Meh. She brought Vicki's jaw to the ground when she tells us she bought Jo's music catalog. Yes, Jo of Jo and Slime. Of course, I'm sure she was urged on by Slime; how else would she know it was available? ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/ocs_ireal_housewivesi_leftovers_leave_bad_taste_behind_.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/ocs_ireal_housewivesi_leftovers_leave_bad_taste_behind_.html Television Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:42:48 -0600 SISTERS OF A SORT

Looking Askance At The Hairy Eyeballs Dissing Mo'Nique's Unshaved Legs

LEAVE US ALONE!

Who are we? We're women who don't shave our legs. And -- surprise -- we're even happy!

We have boyfriends and husbands and even win Oscars.

It's kinda funny that Mo'Nique keeps having to defend her hairiness to the world. I guess she, like me, grew up without that stigma. We're about the same skin color, and her legs are much hairier than mine, but I'll stand with girlfriend any day.

I remember that it took years for Nair to have a black chick in one of its commercials. The models were still all white in the '80s.

When I was young, I never thought that Nair was for me or anyone I knew. ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/looking_askance_at_the_hairy_e.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/looking_askance_at_the_hairy_e.html Buzz Thu, 11 Mar 2010 12:04:41 -0600 THE CLOSER

Big Mike Lynche Delivers Satisfying Climax to Idol's Boys' Night

THE BOYS ROCKED HARDER LAST NIGHT ON American Idol, with "Big Mike" Lynche closing the show with a performance that made Kara cry and turned the judges' orgasmic.

But first up is Chicagoan Lee Dewyze who sings Owl City's Fireflies and sets the bar high for the night. Randy says it's a strange song choice but that Lee made it his own. Ellen likes that he made it rock. ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/big_mike_lynche_delivers_a_sat.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/big_mike_lynche_delivers_a_sat.html Television Wed, 10 Mar 2010 23:26:48 -0600 PLAYERS

Mattel Goes 'Mad,' Markets Dolls For Adulterers & Drunks!

HOW VERY "NOW!"

In today's crazy mixedup world, when up is down and bad is good, Mattel brings to market the Barbie versions of Mad Men's Don and Betty, Joan and Roger.

When you look this good, who cares if you sleep around, have three-drink martinis and marry rapists or children beneath your station? Bored doll collectors-cum-housewives want to get in on the naughty too.

The new dolls will sell exclusively at AMCTV.com and BarbieCollector.com for $74.95 a pop. According to the New York Times, "The dolls come with period accessories like hats, overcoats, pearls and padded undergarments, but no cigarettes, ashtrays, martini glasses or cocktail shakers. "

For these swinging Barbies, it's BYOB.

]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/mattel_goes_mad_markets_dolls_for_adulterers_drunks.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/mattel_goes_mad_markets_dolls_for_adulterers_drunks.html Mad Men Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:16:28 -0600 FAN MAIL

Dear Jen Aniston, Gerry's A ''Good Enough" Sperm Donor -- Do 'Em

DEAR JENNIFER,

Wow! You're smokin' on the upcoming cover of W magazine posing with fake lover Gerard Butler. I'm praying you two got sweaty and did the nasty right in front of photographer Steven Klein, the same snapper who recorded Mr. and Mrs. Smith playing dress up back in 2005. That way he can bear witness to the world, vouch that you've got a bit of your own sexual fire, even if ex-beau John Mayer didn't coin a term for you.

Girlfriend, I'm gonna give it to you straight: It's time to jump on the stick and start making baby. You just celebrated your 41st, and yeah, you've got lots of green. But even with all of LaLaLand's magic, you can't turn ovaries into fangirls and have them swoon at your command. ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/dear_jen_gerrys_a_good_enough.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/dear_jen_gerrys_a_good_enough.html Buzz Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:08:10 -0600 SHOWDOWN, SHOWSTOPPER

Idol's Crystal Bowersox: Giving One Good Reason To Tune In

STAR IN THE MAKING CRYSTAL BOWERSOX BROKE THROUGH THE CATERWAULING to emerge as the one to beat in this season's American Idol.

Powerhouse Bowersox blew away the competition although some glimmers of light still flickered fromLilyly Scott and Siobhan Magnus. And Simon's already declared her the "one to beat'' for the crown.

Tonight's AI was a showdown between the eight remaining girls vying to make it to the finals. As the show opens, host Ryan Seacrest stresses that everything's riding on the night's performances. The jitters should be over, nerves left aside -- it's time for the girls to bring it or go home.

So did they bring it? Here's the breakdown: ]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/crystal_bowersox_giving_iidoli_one_good_reason_to_tune_in.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/crystal_bowersox_giving_iidoli_one_good_reason_to_tune_in.html Television Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:03:38 -0600 THE BRIDE'S GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU

Bride Wars On RuPaul's Drag Race

YEA, YA'LL! Martha Wash is in the house.

This week, some of the queens are missing Sonique and others definitely are not. To them, it's just one mo' ho down.

The mini-challenge this week is a rap party. Oh, no, wrap. As in gift wrap. They have to gift wrap a box with one condition being they have to borrow something from someone else. Time's up in a snap, with no real drama, and Ru has a lot of fun with the word "box." "May I see your box?," she says seductively, as only Ru can.

Of course our fabulous queens turn out some amazing creations in a short time. Juju's is scented! Ru chooses Raven's black, dark and sparkly raven-topped box as the winner. They hate her.]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/bride_wars_on_irupauls_drag_racei_.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/bride_wars_on_irupauls_drag_racei_.html Television Tue, 09 Mar 2010 03:48:27 -0600 DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE?

Sarah Silverman ''Goes Crazy" on Yo Gaba Gaba"

PARENTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND LOCK UP THE KIDDIES: Sarah Silverman puts in a guest appearance on the kiddie show Yo Gabba Gabba.

And if you happen to record it, clearly label it and store it away from her porn tape with Matt Damon.

]]> http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/sarah_silverman_goes_crazy_on_iyo_gaba_gabai.html http://crabbygolightly.com/mt/2010/03/sarah_silverman_goes_crazy_on_iyo_gaba_gabai.html Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:58:44 -0600